Fairies and Witches and Weres, Oh My

In the modern vernacular, I believe the living would refer to the last few weeks of my existence as a “clusterfuck.” I am not entirely certain where that particular word comes from or what brought about its formation, but considering it contains the word fuck, I can hardly find fault with its usage.

But I digress.

The last few weeks of my existence have been quite a “clusterfuck.”

It began- as so many things do- with @RomanLucious. After two years spent shuttling between Mississippi and New York, my prodigal Deputy has finally returned to Shreveport. The two years were not without news, though seldom did Roman and I exchange words or information directly. Vampire politics always has been and always will be a dangerous and deadly game, so volatile the board it is played upon threatens to be turned over at any given moment. Being Sheriffs of different Kingdoms hardly allowed for Roman and I to remain on cordial terms when Kings and Queens are quick to assume treachery for far lesser sins. Sources and allies delivered word of his movement to me, and I would be naïve- something I most assuredly am not- to assume the same was not true for him.

My sources did little to prepare me for his abrupt arrival at @BarWithABite, however. I hadn’t received so much as a whisper that he might be venturing to my corner of Louisiana, yet there I was, dressing for another wasted night spent being  gawked at by the worthless fangbangers that flock to Fangtasia, when I felt him as clearly as I would feel one of my own progeny. Though I trust my blood with everything that I am, I doubted it in that moment until I laid eyes on him. Once more, my blood had not led me astray. When I arrived at the club, there he was with the witch @MenaGrazie, as if it hadn’t been more than seven hundred nights since he had last entered it.

I believe humans would refer to those first few moments as “awkward.” Personally, I would prefer to think of them as having been tense. Bonds and blood mean more than most could ever fathom, yet no vampire who has survived as long as the pair of us have is quick to drop his guard without just cause. I was curious, doubtful, incredibly suspicious, and- I’m not too proud to admit- relieved to see him.

There is good reason @fangtastic_Pam is my Second. After exchanging greetings with Roman, she wisely decided to shut the two of us away in my office to sort through his reasons for returning to Area Five. Granted, she likely regretted that decision before the night was through, but it was necessary in the moment.

I should have known I wasn’t going to enjoy the reasons for our reunion the moment he pulled out the flask of fae blood. Not that Roman has ever needed an excuse to gorge himself with fae, but he drank first, and I appreciated the act for what it was… a sign he hadn’t come to betray my trust or to end me, so I indulged in turn as a measure of good faith. In retrospect, I probably shouldn’t have. It made me much too open to accepting his reasons for being in Shreveport, which, naturally, were solely because of @PrinceVladTepes. The deputy’s long standing feud with The Prince is the sort of thing legends and nightmares are made of. It’s woven throughout history like a bloodied tapestry. Every time the pair cross paths, nothing but destruction, devastation, and death lay in their wake.

As much as I would like to at times, I cannot fault Roman for feeling haunted by The Prince. If anyone is, it is most certainly him. With the Prince residing in New Orleans, he has returned to Area Five to finally end the feud and unshackle his eternity from that of Dracula or meet his final death once and for all. It’s a noble quest, even if entirely delusional. A large part of me would like nothing more than to see Roman free from the clutches of the Prince, yet another part of me knows it would never be so simple as that. Should he succeed, vampire law would demand he be ended, along with anyone who might have helped him, living or undead. Knowing his intentions, just agreeing to allow him into Area Five could be deemed punishable with Second Death.

So, of course, I gave him permission. Now it’s just a game of distracting him from his quest for the sake of us all.

Fortunately, there has been a fair amount happening to keep him from rushing head first into his self-appointed suicide mission. The same night Roman arrived in Shreveport, his adopted child @VampyJo sought me out at Fangtasia with news of her husband, @were_lucian. For months, the Werewolf had been suffering from a Stage 4, inoperable brain tumor. Specialist after specialist had been unable to do anything for the pup, and while JoAnna’s blood eased some symptoms, it was incapable of reaching the root of the problem in order to cure it. Though my knowledge and understanding of modern medicine is extremely lacking, once I was handed Lucian’s medical files, it took me very little time to determine he was dying.

I had no doubt JoAnna intended to turn him, and she was quick to confirm it, though she had no shortage of reservations. Lucian had expressed his desire to be turned, but given JoAnna’s own experiences with her mad Maker, she questioned her capability and sought advice. I was willing to provide it, and quickly agreed to be present for both Lucian’s death and his raising. I may not have been her Maker, nor even her adopted Maker, but JoAnna has always been loyal to me and has proven herself trustworthy time and time again, and I was honored to take on the role of her mentor for such an important turning. Begrudgingly, I could even admit to a slight fondness of the Were, even if he did stink of dog. Seeing him turned, though many would not approve, was preferable to a mortal death.

Death was in the air, it seemed, though I wouldn’t learn of @NiftyJenny’s passing until she told me of it herself, and with a beating heart, no less. To say that I was fascinated by her story would be quite the understatement. Jenny had died in Bon Temps a few nights before she sought an audience with me at Fangtasia. After reading her obituary in the paper, @BiancaNorthman’s bonded witch @LiamDelancy and her homosexual dayperson witch, @OscarBrooks, exhumed her body with the intention of returning her to this world, something they succeeded in doing with @TisaMoreno and a necromancer, @WitchyHannah. To say that I was intrigued to learn @TeacherHalleigh’s sister raises the dead in her spare time would be putting it mildly, though I maintained a well-practiced air of disinterest.

A vampire can never let a human know when they hold more cards than they realize.

Jenny had not returned from death the same as she had entered it. Whether it was from her time on “the other side” or from the witches, I know not, but she has returned to this world mortal, yet other. She is able to discern races by smell, not so unlike a vampire, but perhaps more intriguing still is the damage she can cause when angered or threatened. I am naturally curious of her abilities along with the potential they hold, and since she has long been a human I found worthy of their existence, it seemed only natural to offer her a position at Fangtasia. She is now a bartender for the club and has invented a drink called a “Totally Tits Martini.” I have no idea what goes into it, but quite frankly, she had job security at the very mention of breasts.

Seeing Jenny at Fangtasia nightly naturally led me to thoughts of @BrierFerrior. It had been some time since the WerePanther had left Fangtasia for pursuits elsewhere in the world. I hardly make it a habit to contact former employees of the bar- not that there are many former employees who aren’t dead- but I had always thought of Nolan as “mine.” He may not have been bonded to me, but he had always been more bearable company than any other slave of the moon I had known and seemed to prefer the company of humans and vampires to that of his own kind. He had long been fiercely loyal to me, and I didn’t require an exchange of blood to know he was trustworthy.

It turned out that Nolan had pursued a career in shoveling sodium. Prior to this, I had no idea salt required shoveling, and I’m still uncertain as to why it does. I assume it’s a cat thing, but I don’t really know why. Though his choice in replacement profession was questionable, he proved his intelligence by jumping at the chance to return to Fangtasia. Nolan belongs at the bar in the same way Pam or myself do. It is simply not the same without him, and he was happy for the opportunity to return (not that anyone could blame him when he would otherwise spend his mortal existence shoveling a seasoning).

While Nolan’s professional life left much to be desired, his personal life seems to have flourished. Nolan is now a married man, not to mention an expectant father. @BrookeFerrior is a WerePanther as well, currently pregnant with their child, and who has a half-fae child from a previous relationship. Nolan introduced us his first night returned to Fangtasia, and she is a good choice in woman for him. She is attractive and quick-witted and considering she is mother to a half-fae, smells surprisingly good for one of the two-natured. She will keep Nolan on his toes and help me make sure his existence is filled with surprises and “coincidences” that happen to amuse me to no end. Needless to say, I approve.

Another former employee of Fangtasia has “tied the knot,” as they say. At least, I think that’s what they say. Human idioms have always evaded me. @MelissaHiggens invited Roman and I to her nuptials to another vampire, @KyvanRus. I had never met Kyvan before, but it is obvious he makes Melissa happy, and for two vampire to pledge themselves to one another for eternity is no small thing. The ceremony was pleasant and I am pleased Melissa is happy.

Considerably less happy throughout the ceremony was Pam. I could feel her significant discomfort throughout the wedding, and had to excuse myself shortly after the reception began. Pam’s progeny, @Pams_firstboy and @TaraThornton_ had fed upon donors who had been drugged in some manner, and were weakened to the point the slowest of humans could have ended them with ease. I may not tell her often, but Pam truly is a good Maker. She knows when to discipline and when to offer compassion. I have never seen her take away their freewill, though it would be easy for her to do. She allows them great freedoms and shows significant amounts of trust. I can feel that she cares for her progeny, and she suffered for their pain then. After giving blood to Tara, Pam was too depleted to offer Colin the healing he required if he was going to last the night, so I provided Colin with my blood. It took them a few nights to fully heal and replenish from the ordeal, but they recovered, and I am relieved for Pam that they have.

There would be no recovering for Lucian, however, and in short order, it was time for JoAnna to turn him. I ordered @VaughnBrennan to dig the hole in which Lucian would spend his three days death to spare JoAnna the task, and after quite the fiasco with my youngest child and fueled by @winnieYTM that I refuse to get into, it was time for Lucian to be turned. @WereLily and @SpencerColtTB had left the Maxwell residence prior to Roman and I arriving to bear witness to the event, and that was certainly for the best. It was the first time I had seen Lucian in some time, and his condition was dire. It was no small gift of Fate that he had managed to last as long as he had.

It was a difficult turning to witness. Lucian and JoAnna had exchanged blood more times than could be counted, and in order for the Were to be made a vampire, the bond had to be severed. JoAnna’s pain was obvious and abundant, and it was more than apparent the three days waiting for Lucian to rise would be the longest and most agonizing of her existence.

It may be selfish to confess, but I am a selfish vampire, and in those moments, I could not help but think of @BarmaidSookie. My bonded has made me feel more things in the brief time I have known and been with her than I can recall experiencing in centuries before. Though Sookie has expressed no desire to be turned and though I have no interest in ending her humanity when I enjoy it as much as I do, I cannot fathom my existence without her in it. Should I ever face a night when I no longer feel her very life force within me, I don’t know what I would do. It has become something I need as desperately as I need sustenance. I refuse to believe there might be a future without her in it, and if there is, I would rather destroy the world than exist in it.

Let it never be said JoAnna is weak. I have little doubt she handled the situation far better than I would have.

Roman and I buried them together, since JoAnna refused to leave Lucian’s side, even though she felt nothing from him, and he was locked into the death that accompanies our transition. I checked in on her over the following nights, making certain she wasn’t losing herself to the agony of the severed bond, but she held up impressively well for a vampire of any age, let alone one as young as she is. On the third night, I unburied them alone and was there to offer my congratulations to JoAnna on being a Maker and to assess the now youngest vampire in my territory.

Lucian’s situation is a delicate one. Making vampires out of Weres is not an embraced situation on either side of the Supernatural fence (fuck fences!). Lucian is left with a foot in two separate worlds, on both sides of a battle and rivalry that has been raging for all of time, and neither side will be quick to accept his allegiance nor to trust it. Even I will admit to being leery and acknowledge I am watching the situation closely. Because I advised JoAnna and value her, I am invested now in Lucian’s existence, though whether or not the newborn appreciates that remains to be seen. I wish to see him flourish as a vampire, and embrace this existence, one he is fortunate to have been given, but his struggle with his new nature would be obvious, even if JoAnna hadn’t confessed there have been issues.

Of course, I’m sure part of that is because the Were side of the ongoing feud has been making its presence and feelings known. JoAnna told me both the @WereAlcide had the bathroom befouler @WereTDawson have voiced their opinions on the matter. I can only roll my eyes at that. Where is a damn newspaper to smack them in their noses with when you need one?

The first few full moons following his turning will be the true test of Lucian’s future. If he is able to accept and embrace his new nature, it will be made apparent then. For JoAnna’s sake, I hope he does not destroy himself. Considering the first time he properly fed on one of the living, it was that of his adopted son, Spencer, I fear Lucian’s experiences thus far have not been ideal. I don’t truly believe he would destroy himself intentionally, but if he does not learn, adapt, and embrace what he now is, his taste of immortality may be brief, especially since many odd things seem to be afoot.

And nothing is more odd than what happened after the Deputy finally returned to Fangtasia after vanishing for a week following Lucian’s human death. I had suspected Roman’s claims of chasing fae in Monroe was all a clever ruse in order for him to secretly pursue the Prince in New Orleans. His witch was able to track and locate him there, and after I demanded he return to Area Five, she insured his arrival. I was less than pleased he was foolishly entering the Prince’s territory on his own, and JoAnna proved she has no fear of her adopted Maker and had no qualms offering her own opinion on the matter, but none of that was truly bizarre.

What was odd was who arrived in the middle of what was about to become a bloody battle. Fangtasia has always attracted a very wide spectrum of clientele, but the one Supernatural family we fail to lure in is that of the fae. I suppose those delicious tasting beings have enough sense of self-preservation to avoid our little slice of Shreveport. All except for my bonded’s cousin, @ClaudeCrane, that is. He demanded entrance into my office and after Sookie allowed him admittance, he began ranting and raving with news I still chuckle at the reminder of.

It seems Roman hadn’t been entirely dishonest when he had claimed he was visiting fae in Monroe. At some point in time between the two of us burying JoAnna and Lucian and his witch retrieving him from New Orleans, Roman married the fruity fae. Claude had a signed marriage contract, written by @SkyPrinceNiall himself, and signed in blood by both Claude and the Deputy. The news was enough for a centuries old vampire to seemingly lose consciousness (I didn’t think such was truly possible, yet I’m not sure I wouldn’t have done the same had our positions been reversed), and I was tasked with seeking out the demon Cataliades to see if the contract was as true as it seemed to be upon first sight.

It was. Roman and the fruity fae are man and… man, much to the Deputy’s dismay and to the amusement of all others.

As amusing as I find it (and I most certainly do find it amusing), I also find the union troubling for so many reasons, a number of which I’d rather not think on now, or ever. Just as we are not fond of fae beyond the blood their bodies offer, Niall Brigant of all fae is no friend to the vampire. My relationship with his bonded has, as far as I am aware, never been accepted by him, nor embraced, and my lover is only one-eighth fairy. Claude is the only pure-blooded male heir in Niall’s line, and Roman is nothing short of a fae blood addict. I cannot imagine it is Niall’s intention to see his only grandson drained until he is nothing more than fairy dust, even if seems that is the most likely outcome. Fairies are deceitful, manipulative, and always with their own agenda. I refuse to underestimate Niall’s cunning, and can’t imagine there isn’t some significance to this union that hasn’t yet been realized.

Figuring out what it might be seems unlikely, however. The contract is written and worded in a cryptic way that seems likely fairies might understand, but it is impossible to decode without some knowledge of the intention behind it. Mr. Cataliades offered no insight, only saying he refused to be involved with any interference we may attempt concerning a contract written by Niall, which is far from promising. I suppose I will simply hope the fruity fairy or one of his kin spills the secrets of it before Claude is drained.

I hate hoping. It never tends to end well.

Since hope is unreliable, I’ve begun taking matters into my own hands, or at the least, gathering support where I might. Between arranged fae-vampire marriages and @DakotaARyan informing me Dracula may be aware of more than we realized, I’ve began moving my own pieces on to the board, just in case. As I always say, I fucking hate witches. There is no such thing as reiterating that enough. Still, after being nearly drained only to have my bar burned down around me a few years ago, I can admit they have an impressive amount of power for mere mortals. Reluctantly, I can also admit not every witch has been a proverbial stake to my side. Bianca has long been fond of her witches, Roman’s witch Mena has proven useful to him, and the school teacher’s sister has even proven herself useful.

So I’ve decided to find myself a witch. Yes, I still fucking hate witches and will continue to do so, but I refuse to not possess a weapon I could find use for. Finding one to trust is difficult, however. I kept an ear to the ground and learned of a witch out of New Orleans who has been punished for being a witch (including by other witches) nearly as much as I have been punished by witches. @JadeChiara_ had no ties to the vampire community whatsoever, which was another point in his favor. After taking a meeting with him in Fangtasia, I have decided to hire him for my uses. He could prove to be quite useful, especially if he could succeed in tracking down that ginger-menace @BrodyKeyes where all others have failed.

In an odd twist of fate, Jade operates a tattoo shop out of New Orleans with @DareDevilDestin. He has used his magic to create inks that can be used to tattoo even vampire skin without quickly vanishing. I find myself strangely tempted to indulge, despite the fact that Sookie was less than fond of the last time I did such a thing.

@AppiusOcella has been extremely quiet as of late, and I fail to know whether I should appreciate such or be concerned. My Maker has seemingly made it his eternity’s purpose to see me and what I hold dear suffer for the night Roman staked Alexei, and in the past, quiet has meant he is up to something. What he might possibly be up to, I cannot imagine, but it has me slightly on edge. Perhaps that is my own paranoia, however, since I have begun planning my own treachery against him.

Planning is perhaps an overstatement, since I truly have no idea how I will go about doing such a thing, but I intend on freeing Vaughn from his clutches. Turning and giving Appius the drug-addled busboy in exchange for not taking Roman’s life for Alexei’s second death has long been a source of much contention between myself and Bianca, and remains so to this day. She loathes the fact that I surrendered my blood so easily, despite the fact that I truly had little choice in the matter, and uses any mention of Vaughn to express her dissatisfaction with me. What she doesn’t seem to realize, however, is I despise myself enough for both of us for having done it in the first place.

Since the incident with the hole at the Maxwell home I refuse to discuss, I have realized how dire my youngest child’s situation truly is. In the few times I have seen Vaughn since the night he rose, he had always been with Appius, and he was hardly allowed the permission and freedom to speak, especially to me. I have often felt his suffering and loneliness strumming through the bond we share, but nothing could have prepared me for what Vaughn has become… or hasn’t become, would perhaps be a more accurate way of putting it. My child, despite having been a vampire for a few years, is practically human. He barely seems to grasp the fact that he is undead and seems to have no knowledge of our abilities and strengths, nor how to use them. From the look and manner of him, I suspect he has never so much as fed upon human blood.

I expected Appius to torture or simply end him for the inevitable ache it would cause me. I didn’t expect him to do this.

I don’t know how I will accomplish it, but it is my responsibility to free my child from my Maker once and for all. Hopeless as he may be, Vaughn is mine, and he deserves at least a chance at this existence. I will teach him and introduce him to his true nature because it is his right, and if he remains as hopeless as he was the night he defiled JoAnna’s lawn, I will do the kind thing and end him. Now, I just have to figure out how to obtain him without drawing the ire of my Maker. Bianca’s anger (and petulant, infuriating furniture rearrangement) is more than enough.

Through it all, Sookie has remained my island of sanity throughout the storm of chaos that wages around me. I would be lost without her.

On a related note, I owe her a new kitchen table.

Where Has the Time Gone?

The sun has just set in Stockholm and I've risen to find my lover curled up beside me, eyes closed with a peaceful expression resting upon her face I have memorized with my fingertips and lips so many times over. The sweet, crisp smell of the winter wind coupled with the salty smell of the nearby sea clings to her skin from our adventures in the snow last night. I can barely concentrate on those when the scent of her blood and our sex still hangs so prevalent in the air, however. It takes a great amount of willpower for me to resist rousing her from her slumber in my favorite way, but my lover is exhausted. I can feel this threaded through our bond. So for now, I will let her sleep.

Truly, I can understand her exhaustion. The holiday season and all that has followed it since has been hectic with seldom a moment to spare. @BarmaidSookie and I have had little time to rest or relax, something neither her nor I will voice any word of complaint about. We have been surrounded by those we value and care for in the past days and nights, and I can feel that Sookie feels blessed for this. When my lover is in such spirits, I cannot help but smile myself.

It is, however, high time I take a moment to record these happenings. I have collected centuries worth of journals, each filled to the brim with my thoughts and memories, yet I cannot help but feel that even a thousand years from now, I will read the writings I make now most often, treasuring them above all others.

Sookie and all that she has given me truly has changed me.

Nothing could have been made more obvious after a night alone at her deteriorating farmhouse was interrupted by a very uninvited guest. When the knock came on the door, I thought little of it. Sookie is often visited by the residents of Bon Temps I can barely tolerate the presence of, but when she opened it and I heard the voice of the visitor from her kitchen, it was as if a fear I hadn’t known I had, had been realized.

I have done everything I could to keep Sookie from ever being forced to meet @AppiusOcella. Naturally, he went out of his way to demonstrate exactly why that was.

I could not immediately figure out what had prompted the visit, but the purpose became clear quickly enough. Appius was well aware of the pain I had experienced at the hands of the witches when @BarWithABite was burned. He knew my body was still not whole and I silently cursed the witches who tore through my flesh, leaving me to the pangs of regenerating it, and ultimately giving my Maker this opportunity to approach me and my human under the guise of a favor.

No matter what his words may have said, his true intentions were obvious. He was well aware of my lover and curious of her. It did not take long for him to acknowledge he has been involved with @ClaudeCrane, the fairy who is rapidly becoming a pain in my ass, though not in the way he would certainly choose to be. Sookie was as shocked by this news as I was, not to mention torn between being deeply concerned for her fairy kin and angry at him for speaking of her to a vampire who is undeniably a danger to her.

Appius did not stop there, naturally. He ordered me to feed from him to aid in my healing, and as an order from my Maker, I could not refuse it. The short trek between the chair I had been seated in and the feet of my Maker seemed impossibly long, and I could feel Sookie’s eyes on me as my fangs reluctantly sunk through his wrist and I drank of his ancient blood. The murmurings of approval he offered up as I consumed again of the blood that created me were made worse by the feelings of discomfort resonating through our bond from Sookie.

He was quick to leave, but not quick enough to spare me from feeling more disgusted in myself than I would ever normally allow.

I couldn’t speak a word to Sookie, not one, but she didn’t seem to desire my words or explanation either. There were so many feelings and emotions present that I knew were not my own, but I failed to recognize a single one of them. She immediately went to her phone, to call the fairy for answers, and I went to scrub away the feelings that consumed me in the shower. I went through all the hot water the farmhouse offered me and then some. I felt no cleaner when I exited than when I entered.

I didn’t speak upon emerging either. Sookie was exhausted, and simply asked that she be allowed to retire. I nodded my consent though I did not feel I deserved to hold her as she slumbered, even though she requested it. Until the dawn took me to my daily death, I thought of nothing but how I could possibly right the things between Sookie and I because of my Maker’s visit. There was so much I had never told her. There was so much I had never wanted to tell her. I knew that would be changing, whether I liked it or not.

Mostly, I did not.

Yet at the same time, I did. A piece of me, small, but present regardless, wants to share all I am and all I have ever been with my lover. It is so easy to give the pieces of myself to her that are “good” or “desirable,” but the things I regret, the things I choose to avoid any thought of myself, are much more difficult to unbury. Sookie has been a gift to me, one I know I have not earned and do not deserve, and a part of me is nearly certain I will lose her when she realizes such. Offering her the reasons to walk away seems foolish, yet doesn’t she deserve to know? Doesn’t she deserve to have these choices?

When I rose the following night, Sookie was ready to discuss everything we had avoided the previous night, even if I was reluctant to do so. I can deny her nothing though, and offered her what I could, and what she wished to know. I told her of the night my human life ended. I told her of what greeted me upon my first night as one of the undead. I told her of staking my brother, and the wrath I had incurred from Appius for doing so. Finally, I told her of the price I ultimately paid for such an act… and I could tell it broke her heart to hear it.

I try not to think of @VaughnBrennan and what I did to him, but Sookie wanted to know it all. Turning him as I did only to give him to Appius, knowing he would either meet a second, final death swiftly or be a prisoner at best, is something I struggle with nightly. Regularly, I wish my Maker would have ended him immediately. The loss of a child is damning and encompassing. The void it creates can never be filled, but at least a void is empty. The fact that Appius has not ended him has left me to feel Vaughn’s misery regularly. Each time, I am reminded of how carelessly I treated my blood- everything I am- by giving him to Appius.

Sookie insists I must see to his freedom from Appius. I do not know how I can possibly accomplish this, but I agree. Vaughn is my child, even if he has not seen me since the night he rose, even if he has been imprisoned for nearly a year because of my actions. I must find a way to right this. I cannot comprehend it, but Sookie has forgiven me for what I have done, or will completely if I am able to get Vaughn away from my Maker.

Truly, I do not deserve someone so abnormally good.

My lover and I celebrated the day of Jul the Christians stole from my people and now call Christmas alone together, which was exactly as it should have been. Between all the planning required for our trip to Sweden and the White Elephant party Sookie hosted, along with uninvited visitors creating tension between us, we required the time with one another and the simple peace we bring the other. I offered no words of protest over the many Christmas movies she desired to watch yet again, even if I have them reluctantly memorized from the first time she insisted we view them. I have come to the conclusion I regret not having had a taste of Rosemary Clooney during her White Christmas days, but I have wisely kept this thought to myself.

The night following our Christmas in Bon Temps, Sookie and I drove to Shreveport with Hundr in order to indulge in a holiday family dinner occurring at @VampyJo's residence. @AngeloSenior and his daughter, @GiannaVerdone were present, along with JoAnna’s siblings, @NandoYTM and @AutumnYTM, and, of course, @WereBabyLily. Autumn and JoAnna had concocted what I was told was an Italian meal for the humans, while the vampires present indulged in glass after glass of human blood. Though I knew nothing of the food the humans among us consumed, it smelled somewhat pleasing… with the exception being the garlic bread.

Sookie, thankfully, did not indulge in that.

It was an interesting dynamic at the table. I do not know JoAnna’s siblings as well as I possibly should, beyond the fact that her sister possesses a chest I wouldn’t mind ravaging if I was not so loyal to my lover, and that her brother seems to be attracted to me. Angelo and Gianna seem to be an extended family to the Livingstons, something I knew from our trip to New Jersey, but something I had not truly seen before that night. They are like one family. Things flowed naturally, with a mixture of rivalry and affection in the air, and of course, it’s fair share of cursing.

Gianna has requested that I allow Angelo to live with her, something that I think is a dreadful idea. I have only encountered her a handful of times since being burdened with the task of seeing to Angelo, but the few times have been enough to make me wonder how no one has ever drained her before. The girl is very attractive and apparently eager to have sex with me, but incredibly dim-witted and annoying. I can only imagine that if she were to live with her father, in a moment of newborn hunger, he’d drain the girl without second thought and not regret the silence such an act brought with it for some time.

Still, both she and the vampire insist they desire it. I cannot simply allow Angelo to roam far from me, not without disobeying Appius, something I am as incapable of doing as Angelo is. I have, however, agreed to look into realty in my neighborhood. Perhaps it is not unthinkable to secure the pair a home very nearby my own. At least it would keep Angelo from listening to Sookie and I fuck into the wee hours of the morning.

At one point in time, Sookie threw a shrimp at Gianna. I am not sure what custom this is or what it’s meaning is. I must remember to have Pam or Bianca look into it for me so I know when it is something I should do myself.

Sookie and I told JoAnna a little of the encounter we had had with Appius and about what he had said about Claude. The three of us share a fear that my Maker will end the fruity fairy and in doing so, bring on consequences all of us are unprepared for. Though JoAnna is too young to know of Niall and though Sookie has never met her ancient great-grandfather, I have encountered the fairy prince before, and know well enough the death of his grandson would lead to war.

What concerns me most about such a prospect is the idea that Sookie could be taken from me. Since learning of her fae heritage, I have fought back the feelings of foreboding that threaten to enter my thoughts whenever it or her kin are mentioned. Though my lover has always been, if anything, too kind and generous to those around her, the fairies she shares blood with are just the opposite. JoAnna and Sookie have agreed to pressure Claude to end the foolish relationship he is engaging in with Appius, and I am left only hoping that, for once, the fairy is reasonable.

But I do not truly think he is capable of such a thing.

The next night seemingly proved such. For @CalienteChloe’s birthday, @DavidCallum and @RyderWylde planned a surprise celebration at a Shreveport Mexican restaurant in her honor. Sookie and I went to offer our well wishes to the hot tamale, who I hadn’t spoken to for more than a minute since she literally kissed my ass on Father’s Day. Many familiar faces dotted the restaurant’s population… @JulesBonTemps, @Cathy_BT (who I spanked), @AbigaleDawson, @WereLee, @WereBraiden, @WereAsher, @TedtheFae, and Claude, among others.

Claude seemed to spend the whole party poofing from place to place, spending his time stalking the Lieutenant and @RylanParker equally. I ended up joining the Lieutenant in covering myself in lemon juice, much to Sookie’s disapproval, but with how much tequila the fairy (and others) were consuming, I wasn’t about to take any chances. Despite the fruity fairy doing what he does best in making every straight male in an given place incredibly uncomfortable, Sookie and I had an excellent time, and were able to catch up with many people we had not seen in some time. Seeing Chloe so happy was quite a treat as well, since she certainly hadn’t seemed such a thing when she had been locking her lips to my butt.

When another fairy poofed into the restaurant to deliver the cake and began stripping, Sookie became highly uncomfortable and we were forced to take our leave. I cannot help but be slightly pleased that the only male my lover seems to desire naked is me, not that anyone could ever blame her for such.

With any good fortune, I have ruined her for all other men.

The next night Sookie and I met with @pamiravenscroft, @LaceyTB, @NiftyJenny, Claude, and JoAnna to do some necessary shopping for our time in Sweden. Sookie didn’t seem to believe me that she needed warm clothes for our trip, but with the presence of her friends around her, she seemed slightly more willing to indulge in the spree she views as a chore. She fussed over every price tag, but finally managed to make a number of selections the others seemed to approve of. I certainly approved of her lingerie selection. Since we landed in Sweden, I’ve shredded through a good portion of it already.

She picked a dress for our bonding ceremony and insisted I do not peek. I haven’t, though I have been more than a little tempted. I have seen the shoes she will be wearing with it, and if the dress in any way coordinates, I am certain I will be pleased. While we were shopping, I had to sneak off at one point to pick out more pricy items I was certain she would require for the trip, knowing there was no way she would “allow” me to buy them for her if she was given the option of offering input. She has yet to open the garment bag they are in, but I am sure it is only a matter of time until she does. Hopefully.

It wasn’t all play before Sweden, however. Pam had informed me the humans we were holding prisoner in the basement of Fangtasia were causing her more than a fair share of problems, so @BiancaNorthman was called in to offer her expertise. If there is one thing Bianca is excellent at, it is making a human cooperate. She had an excellent time torturing @Witch_Madison as @AshleyDanielss watched on in terror. With her infliction of pain upon the young witch, Bianca was able to obtain the name of the ginger witch who attacked me… @BrodyKeyes. The Were in question she was less certain of, but after a great deal of blood and prodding, she offered up the name @WereHallow. Bianca extracted an address from the girl as well.

Between Bianca, Pam, and I, it was agreed upon that Madison should not be killed, no matter how tempting it was. Though I had been oblivious to such a thing before, Bianca confessed that her daytime human, @OscarBrooks, is a witch and that he had advised her Madison may be carrying a curse tied to her existence. We decided not to take the risk of unleashing something more upon us, and instead are taking small measures to keep the girl alive, though she barely is.

If she dies of natural causes and not by our hand, however, oh well.

Ashley, we determined, wasn’t truly involved with the witches. Or, at least, was not until locked in the basement with one for nearly two weeks. After a brief discussion, I agreed to glamor her and remove the memories of her time in Fangtasia from her head, along with any memory of the witch she had bonded with in her time there.

I had avoided telling Sookie anything about the prisoners. After she had discovered the purpose of Fangtasia’s basement when learning of @JustLafayette’s time there, I knew well enough it was a topic best avoided altogether. Much may have changed between the two of us since then, but I knew my compassionate lover would still struggle with accepting the measures I must take in order to keep my Area functioning safely and the vampires within it safe.

Before glamoring Ashley, however, I made the confession to her. Sookie was reluctant to join me in the journey the following night to the club to remove the girl’s memories, but she did so, for Ashley’s sake. My lover offered the starving and sick girl food, clothes, and medication while I systematically removed her happenings and replaced them with false memories of my own creation. The looks Sookie gave me could have killed…

Fortunately, death isn’t much of a concern for me.

She was even more reluctant to search Ashley’s thoughts once my glamoring was complete in order to ensure everything had gone according to plan, but my lover did it all the same. She refused to have sex with me that night, and instead made me watch another one of the movies she enjoys so much. Even a single night without her body connecting to mine is like torture. I am going to make a point of keeping business I believe she will disapprove of from her in the future.

Things took an unexpected turn from there in the nights that followed. After not hearing from him in some time, @RomanLucious contacted me, informing me he was in the kingdom of Mississippi to pick up money from the casino he and JoAnna own in Biloxi for Fangtasia’s new security system. Something was undeniably off about the tone of his text messages, but I believed it came from uneasiness he felt being in @VampKingRussell’s territory.

I was wrong.

Well, not entirely wrong. Russell did indeed seek out the Deputy while he was in Mississippi. When Roman returned to Louisiana, he informed me immediately of the ominous, bizarre behavior of the neighboring king, and even I was concerned. We both believe Russell is watching Louisiana, and that he has stationed vampires near our kingdoms’ borders to keep him informed if any Louisiana vampire should cross into his territory. The biker bar the Deputy frequents that lies near the border seems to contain a mole loyal to the Mississippi king. It will all take more looking into.

That wasn’t what seemed to truly be on the Deputy’s mind, however, concerning as it was. I knew something was amiss when one of Roman’s messages acknowledged that he would be spending his daytime death at Fangtasia. When I inquired why he would not return to his dwelling instead, he informed me he had no home to his name any longer.

I offered him a room in my house. Sookie does enjoy being a hostess, and I could not help but be curious as to why my Deputy would believe himself homeless. When he arrived on my doorstep, Roman’s eyes looked every bit their seven century age, and he walked as if the weight of the world was on his shoulders instead of only the weight of an overstuffed duffle bag.

I genuinely had not been prepared for the tale that met me. Though Roman had confessed to having lost his fairy when we spoke at the ball in New Orleans, I had not realized the silence that followed had been directly related to it. He could not protect her, and came to the realization that he could not protect @Baby_Abel either. With a heavy heart, he informed me he had asked @CowgirlVamp to become Abel’s permanent guardian, and asked her to protect and care for his adopted son as he found himself unable to.

I could feel just how much of a loss this was to the Deputy. I have long known of his desires to be a father, something he hadn’t had the privilege of knowing in his human life. He had plans for Abel once he had grown, hoping to one day turn him into his child for eternity. Even though I was less than approving of those plans in particular, I could hardly judge him. Not when I have done all the things I have done.

I could feel his despair through the bond we share, the bond that has made us brothers by choice. I decided to tell him about my true relationship to @VampNiklas, making it the first time I have admitted aloud our connection in seven hundred years time. The words were not easy for me to part with, perhaps because I have always gone out of my way to repress and deny them, and I myself could not stop the rare pangs of guilt and remorse that dotted my feelings at the recollection.

Roman was surprised, as I imagine most would be. I think, however, he understood. Abel may not be of Roman’s blood, but he will always be his son. Perhaps now was not the right time for him, perhaps these circumstances were not all he hoped them to be, but that does not mean it will not happen. A time may come when he is presented with an opportunity to become a Maker, or to once again adopt a child for his own. It may not be Abel, but the relationship he will share with him or her will be as important and significant. It will happen for him.

Whether he realizes it or not, he is a good vampire, with a good head upon his shoulders. One night, he will become a Maker, and he will be a good one. There are hurdles he must overcome, but he will. His hesitancy is all in his mind. I trust the confidence will come in time. He has it in him, he just must recognize it instead of only recognizing his own shortcomings.

He will be welcome to stay with Sookie and I for as long as he may require. It is not as if we do not have the room, and I imagine the Deputy needs the presence of others right now.

With the Deputy nearby, I was given the opportunity to update him on the situation with the witches, as well as my intention to bond to Sookie a third, irrevocable time. Confessing to him that I loved her seemed to catch him off guard, but I do believe he means it when he says he is happy for me. He both agreed to join us in Sweden, and set to work on getting the witches monitored by video feed we’re able to access even in Europe.

While Roman and I were working on checking the video feed of the address the witch called Madison supplied us with, Sookie hosted Lacey for the night. It was safe to say the Deputy hadn’t planned on running into her, but I believe it was a good thing that he did. My lover and I offered the two of them a chance to talk, something I am nearly positive they have not done since the night we felt our connections to Lacey severed. While they spoke, I phoned @QueenBlackwood both to inform her about my leave of absence and to tell her all Roman informed me of Russell. She agreed to make the journey from Las Vegas to Shreveport in order to watch Area Five and the kingdom of Louisiana, and brought with her @TigerLevy, her personal bodyguard, and @Tammyjo__, her liaison to the Were community. She shares many of the concerns Roman and I have about Edington’s interest in the state and will no doubt keep her eyes on Mississippi while there. I know the state and Area Five could not be in better hands during my absence.

It wasn’t all work before we left Shreveport, however. @Kayden_D had invited my lover and I to her impressive home, and Sookie and I were anxious to accept. Since my lover heard her sing at the Blood Ball, she has wanted the chance to meet the enigmatic songstress, and I knew she would not be disappointed. We were greeted immediately by Kayden’s butler, @ButlerChauncey, who is demon at least in part by the scent of him. He made Sookie undeniably nervous. It was quite precious.

We settled down in her sitting room and I was sorely tempted by the ball of yarn and knitting needles that rested in the middle of the coffee table. It seems Kayden had heard of my knitting talents and was eager to see if they were true. What can I say? When a woman has interest in watching me knit, I will knit, every time.

I had been eager for Sookie to meet Kayden if for no reason other than I knew the newborn vampire possesses extraordinary gifts, gifts she had had in life as well. Empathy, though not something normal (or perhaps even desirable) in the undead, is a powerful gift, and one Kayden was quite willing to speak about. She too had struggled with her ability to shield it when she was but a mortal, and explained that it was with the help of an old vampire that she became in better control of her talent.

The one thing I immediately took away from her words was that it was most easy to control once her heart no longer was beating. The fact that her gift hadn’t died with her is also most intriguing to me. It would be a lie to say in that moment, I did not look curiously at Sookie, wondering over what kind of vampire she would make. Death is not something that has been discussed between the two of us in depth, at least, not her own, but I cannot help but wonder. The idea of ever losing this rare and extraordinary woman is incomprehensible to me, but I do not know how she would feel about ever joining the race of beings she sees as so senselessly violent and too often unfeeling. My lover is compassionate, forgiving, kind, and sweet. These words simply do not describe vampires.

Perhaps it is something best never discussed with her. If I give her the opportunity to tell me she never wishes my existence for herself, she will be furious if I ever should bring her over. I do not want to imagine the wrath she would offer up in her newborn state. If I avoid the discussion altogether, there is always the chance when the time comes, it would be in my hands.

It is not something I wish to think about for many years to come. I enjoy my lover as a human. My existence is sustained on her blood alone. She is warm to my touch, soft, and perfect, just as she is. My attraction to other vampires has never been what it is to humans, so predicting whether I would desire her or whether she would desire me is impossible, but I still cannot help but wonder about what might be. My lover is an impressive telepath as she already is. Death and the power that goes with it could make her so much more.

When Kayden spoke of the limitations upon her gift, I noticed a discomfort from my lover that had me suspicious immediately. It seems that even in life, Kayden was able to occasionally influence the undead. When I asked Sookie whether or not she had ever read the thoughts of a vampire, she became highly agitated, denying that she had.

I wish I could have believed her.

Discussing it in front of Kayden was hardly appropriate, however, not when I was dreading the potentially dangerous truth of the matter myself. Instead we discussed Kayden’s adopted family, something else I was pleased Sookie could hear. She seemed fascinated by the connection the empath had chosen for herself, and I hope with it she opens her own mind to the rather untraditional family around her now. Really, I think she already has.

Sookie and I invited Kayden to a night at our home when she returns from her travels in France and England and when we return home from Sweden. Immediately I could see the cogs in my lover’s mind begin to turn as she began planning the event and who to invite. She really does enjoy doing such a thing.

When returned home, Sookie and I discussed whether or not she had heard vampire minds, and with a great deal of reluctance, she confessed she had been within the confines of my own mind on one occasion, the night I staked Longshadow.

This news was greatly unsettling. I can remember with total recall what I was thinking that night, and none of it would I have had Sookie hear if given any choice in the matter. Then, I had thought about how I could use her and her gift, I had thought about the measures I could take to ensure she did as I asked whether she wanted to or not. I had thought about taking her from @TruBloodBill, and I had thought about the ways in which I desired to make Fangtasia’s thief pay for what they had robbed me of.

I do not like the idea that my lover could know these things. She insists she did not read my thoughts, only get a sense of them, but she seemed to grasp easily enough that they were dark and twisted.

A vampire’s mind is sacred. It is the place most guarded and sacred. It contains our every secret, our every memory. Many of these things, I never want Sookie to know. Had I learned she had been privy to my thoughts before I had found love with her, I imagine I would have ended her. It would have been a shame to destroy something so desirable, but it would have been a necessary measure to ensure the confines of my mind remained mine alone.

I cannot help but fear if another vampire learns that, occasionally, she can glimpse into our heads, that they will be as compelled to end her as I would have been then. I have made her promise to never tell another, living or otherwise, but I fear that will not be enough. I intend on working with her on these shields Kayden spoke of, in order to guard her mind from invading what it should not. I must protect her. She is my everything.

After all, that is why we made this trip to Sweden. Every minute that passes, I grow closer to bonding a third, permanent time to my lover. I am nearly willing the moments to pass more quickly. I have told Sookie that to vampires, the two of us will be considered married, and that I will consider her my wife. She seems pleased by this, though there also seems to be an undertone of sadness I do not understand. I will figure it out, however. I care only about bringing my lover happiness. It is the least I can do when she has given me so much.

Roman, Lacey, @JackDanielsTB, @WestonTackett, @KristenFerrior_, @NolanFerrior_, Jenny, JoAnna, @were_lucian, Lily, Pam, Bianca, @LiamDelancy, @WaylonLee_, and Claude have all joined us here for the snow and celebration. Our bonding ceremony grows nearer by the minute, and I am pleased those gathered with us will be sharing it with Sookie and I. Tomorrow cannot get here soon enough. In a thousand years time, nothing has ever felt more right than this, now, with her.

Holiday Cards

I was fortunate to receive many Christmas and Jul cards this season from friends. I truly enjoy the holiday season and the celebration that goes into it. I am pleased to see that I am far from the only one who does.

My First Thanksgiving Dinner

Friday evening, @BarmaidSookie and I hosted what I am told is a traditional Thanksgiving dinner. While I have been well aware of the holiday for many, many years, it is the first time in my long existence I have- in Sookie’s words- hosted such an event myself. My reasoning for ignoring a holiday that seems focused on human food and poultry in buckle hats has been obvious in the past, but once more I find my normal behavior being altered for the gift that is Sookie.

What is important to her is undeniably important to me, and that includes bizarre holidays of thanks.

From the moment Sookie asked if we could host the event together onward, my telepath had been focused upon little else. Between making invitations, getting them out to all our friends, and preparing an endless supply of both human nourishments and blood dishes, my lover exhausted herself in order to be the consummate southern hostess.

I must admit, I was dreading the event when I rose on Friday night. Since the incident at @BarWithABite and the witches, I have been going out of my way to avoid others. My body is still regenerating in some places and I know I am not entirely myself both physically and mentally. I fear others will see this and know, and though I do not like to believe that any I or Sookie consider a “friend” would use this to their advantage, I remained concerned. Being cautious is what has kept my existence in tact for a thousand years, after all.

Sookie seemed to sense my trepidation immediately. She ceased buzzing about her farm house in order to assure me things would be fine, and once more, I found myself relaxing if only because of her nearness and the comfort she brings me. It startles me, but I find myself believing I could come to love this rare and extraordinary human woman.

There was little time for me to think of that, however, when our guests began arriving for the evening. @RomanLucious, his fairy, @FaeKayley, and their adopted son, @Baby_Abel were the first to arrive for the night. It was obvious immediately that they were no more familiar with the holiday than I was, but I appreciated the fact that they were attending if only for my Lover. As Sookie showed them to the absurd amount of food she had concocted for the evening, @LaceyTB, @JackDanielsTB, and @WestonTackett arrived.

It was the first time I have seen Lacey since she had been lost to me and I must admit, it was a relief to see her whole and not merely a figment of my imagination. I do not understand what possibly could have occurred to return her to this realm and to those who care for her, but I am nothing short of relieved that it did. My blood may no longer tie us together, but Lacey will never cease to be precious to me, and seeing both her and her son brings an undeniably comfort with it.

Of course, not everyone seems to feel that way.

I had avoided speaking of Lacey’s miraculous return to this realm to the Deputy after first discovering it for myself if only because I did not know how the news would be received. When Roman first told me of Abel and his relationship with the fairy, a part of me was undeniably concerned he was attempting to replace what had been lost in the car accident that fateful night and that was what was guiding his decisions. After learning more of his son and his fairy, I believed Roman seemed- for him- relatively happy. To disrupt that for what could not be changed would have been a crime.

And ultimately, even a meddlesome vampire such as myself can recognize when something is not my place.

There was no hiding what Roman did not know then, however, and awkward moments were not quick to pass. The Deputy was troubled and angry, I could feel this easily enough, and Lacey was startled and hurt. I was unsurprised that the Deputy departed shortly after the night began. Centuries of existence and experience does not automatically create aplomb.

Little time could be devoted to thinking on such things when more guests were arriving. Sookie seemed perpetually trapped at the doorway of her house as she welcomed guest after guest to her Bon Temps farmhouse. It was the first time I had seen @AbigaleDawson since her wedding to @WereTDawson, who seems to have decided married life is an excuse to gain obnoxious amounts of weight. If I were less educated and knowledgeable on such things, I would have asked if he was with child. It seems fences are suiting them well, and if Abigale is happy, I am happy for her. I really don’t care whether the mutt is happy or not.

Someone who is undeniably with child is @Tara_ThorntonBT. She arrived, unsurprisingly, with her vampire escort, @fangtasiaserge, who I doubt is leaving her side at all in her delicate condition. I wonder if he, like me, finds himself remembering much too clearly a time when human women often didn’t survive the pangs and strains of bringing life into this world. I do not understand the vampires hostility towards me, though I suppose it could have something to do with coming to loathe his Maker and relishing in her second death, but I am also uninterested in finding out if it goes more deeply than that. As far as I am concerned, Tara is important to Sookie and what is important to my lover is important to me. We are, for lack of better words, “on the same team.”

Tara, it seems, is no longer able to endure the strain of tending bar and being on her feet for long periods of time due to her condition and has found employment outside the casino the vampires of Area Five hold a major interest in. She requested approval to vacate her job there, and with a single nod from Sookie, I gave the pregnant human my blessing. I find myself startled at how much I need and rely on her right now, when I am so uncertain myself, but I trust her and her judgment completely, without a second thought.

Tara’s cousin, @JustLafayette arrived with @HornDogJason and @BiancaNorthman. Needless to say, that is a trio none could have anticipated. Lafayette seemed uncomfortable, no doubt because many of the guests hosted that night possessed fangs that could descend at any moment’s notice despite Sookie’s inclusion of “no eating the guests” on the invitation for the event. It is safe to say I believe the fry cook has learned his lesson when it comes to the undead.

Jason, however, is as unintelligent and careless as ever. It is a good thing I trust Bianca with everything that I am and ever will be, or I would be positive he would be dead sooner rather than later. Bianca actually appeared demure and understated at the dinner, but that was by appearance only. I believe my child left the event with more phone numbers than she went in with, and propositioned half of those in attendance. Never let it be said she is shy.

@Sookeh clearly gets the ability to work a crowd from her. She arrived on the arm of @Sam_MerlotteBT, though “on the arm of” is somewhat generous since they both seemed mostly intoxicated. The Shifter was his normal cheery self, encompassing all he came into contact with a cloud of doom and gloom. While I am sure there are many things that should depress the Shifter to such a degree (a disgusting odor he can‘t hide, living in Bon Temps, residing in a mobile tin can, owning a bar for rednecks, etc.), he seems even more hopeless than usual. When even Sookeh seems startled by it, you know something is seriously amiss.

At least my evil daughter seems as evil as ever. Sookie seemed to spend a great deal of time chasing her around and reminding her not to destroy things because they had belonged to her Gran. Ah, Sookeh. So much destruction in such a small package. It is enough to make me unquestionably proud.

@NolanFerrior brought his human @NiftyJenny with him to the event and, at her prompting, informed me the pair is now “dating.” Nolan has always been somewhat unusual between his traveling in my trunk, his preference to dwelling in closets, and his predilection for sleeping on pipes, and it seems he has found his match in the broom wielder. Shortly after arriving, Jenny attempted to impersonate a plastic house plant before informing me the true love of her life is a machine at the @GrabbitKwik that produces a slushie.

I really have no idea what to make of that.

I should have asked @DavidCallum after he arrived with his attractive wife, @AlyxConway and their children, @SammieMasters and @ScarlettElena, but he was quite busy hitting on Bianca. I flashed him since he insists he is no longer dreaming of me after his ingestion of my blood during his brawl with Roman and despite him claiming not to miss them, I can tell he does. He really does.

In turn, Alyx flashed @WaylonLee_ and I. It is almost a shame Waylon makes such a good Pooh Bear, or I would seriously be considering turning my second two-natured child. As it is, I will be content to watch him eat everything in his path (including blood dishes which he seemed incredibly fond of), and using carrots to mimic fangs.

On a related, yet unrelated note, Sookie is not fond of me seeing breasts that do not belong to her. I cannot entirely understand this, since none compare to her own in my opinion, but I will do my best not to trouble her for such reasons.

@VampyJo arrived with @WereBabyLily and even though they were not able to stay for long, I was pleased to see them. Lily is getting so big so quickly, it is almost difficult to believe the little girl I carried around the party for a short time was the same one I spent locked in a room with for a few nights in New Jersey. I wonder if she remembers any of that. Human minds at such an age are a complete enigma to me.

@AngeloSenior arrived at the celebration with his human daughter, @GiannaVerdone. I believe Angelo signed my daughters chest, so when I next see him, I will possibly stake him. @AppiusOcella will be furious, but it would be worth it. Angelo’s own daughter pulled me aside at the party to offer me her thanks for giving her strange father my consent to leave my dwelling. I still fear that is possibly a mistake on my part and that Angelo took advantage of the daze that inevitably settles over a vampire so close to dawn, but I did not tell her such a thing. When we were parting, she hugged me as if we were not virtual strangers, and then propositioned me.

I chose not to tell Sookie this.

The arrival of @VooDooHooDooBT was unexpected, but thoroughly enjoyed by me. He brought with him Chow, who he has been keeping as a dung hut wife. The unintelligible witch doctor decided to show me his strengths, including his ability with a blow dart gun. I volunteered the Lieutenant to be the target, Joseph Drownapossum agreed, but when the dart flew, Lacey’s boyfriend Jack ended up being the one with a dart in his neck.

From that moment forward, I naturally claimed I had nothing to do with it.

Mr. Drownapossum also showed me his ability to call forth a donkey at will, and sure enough, @winnieYTM’s ass showed up in the middle of my lover’s living room. Sookeh had an ass there all her own. It’s a good thing Sookie was falling asleep by this point, or she no doubt would have been troubled by the livestock roaming her family home.

As the dinner wound down and Sookie slumbered at my side, I had the chance to speak to Lacey and David about both Lacey’s untimely end and the witches I encountered at Fangtasia. The description of the red-headed male seemed to ring recognition with her, and she confirmed as Roman had theorized, that he was the one who stole her purse while we were in New York City. David and I share a mutual concern for Lacey now, especially when she must protect her infant son, and have advised her to take shelter away from her home. I have contacted @LiamDelancy and instructed him to use his magic to secure her home and workplace, @HooligansClub, so she may return safely.

The Lieutenant let slip that Lacey’s return to this realm isn’t without change. She has acquired an ability to transport herself and others at a moment’s notice and demonstrated the ability when taking Sookeh back to her home. To say I am relieved is an understatement. Perhaps if the witches find her, she will stand more of a chance in escaping them than I did.

When all the guests left for the night, I cleaned up around my lover’s home and even remembered to put the remaining food away since Sookie is so often concerned about not letting such things go to waste. I carried her to bed and found myself relieved when it was only her and I, alone in her room, waiting for the sun to rise.

But overall, the event was good for me. I have never been so reminded of how important family is than I am now. Our bonds, both in blood and those we create through experience and common ground are invaluable. On the road of healing I find myself on, I believe Sookie’s dinner was significant. I am fortunate to have those who visited my lover’s home in my existence, and would not want to find myself in a world without them any longer.

Out of the Freezer and Into the Frying Pan

When I woke in the walk-in freezer of @BarWithABite, there was not even a moment in which I could question where I was or how I had come to be there. The pain reared it’s ugly head in a potent way, my broken body once more reeling from the torture the witches had successfully inflicted upon me the previous night.

I was starved… as hungry as a newborn upon first rising from the grave. The few bottles of TrueBlood I had downed before dawn had done little for my condition in the frosty prison, but I found myself thanking the gods my death a millennium ago ended the flowing of blood through my body or my wounds would have surely bled me dry. As it was, my open, raw, beaten, and burned flesh waited, adhering and freezing to the shredded clothing I wore, waiting for the sun to hide in order to haunt me with it’s ache once more.

My ancient eyes, so used to seeing more than a human mind could ever fathom were blurry, clouded with the impurity of the silver that had been sprayed so callously at them. It was as if a thick, impenetrable blanket of fog covered the world I found myself in. The darkness of my frozen surroundings was encompassing. I was capable of seeing no more than a few feet in front of me. Immediately, I reached for the case of synthetic blood beside me, downing icy bottle after bottle without objection, as if I needed the liquid shit to survive.

For once, I did.

The additional blood did nothing for me. The throbbing pain my body knew in the moment was unfathomable. I found the simple task of clearing the rubble I myself had laid in front of the door of the freezer to be an exhausting task. The very idea of breaking myself through the frozen box in order to escape it was enough to leave me feeling defeated before I had even made an attempt at it.

Everything was gone. Everything I am had been taken from me, made way with the previous night by two witches who knew no bounds. And for what? Why?

I would not surrender, not now. I had made it through the day, I would not give in to the pain now. I searched myself with all I could, wanting to feel something- anything- besides the pain and hopelessness I knew so clearly now.

And once more, there it was.

I felt her before I heard her, the sound of her footfalls barely reaching my ears through the thick insulation of the freezer in my present state. I had felt her when the sun pulled me into my icy grave of daytime death and here she was now, when the darkness of night had taken over the sky.

@BarmaidSookie.

A million thoughts ran through my mind. Had she been here all this time? I could feel her anxiety, her fear, her frustration. I could feel the echoes of the pain I felt now reflected in her and cursed myself for knowing I was the cause of it. I felt her concern, her worry, and her desperation. She knocked lightly upon the door of the freezer and I did the only thing I could think of. I echoed the knock back, allowing myself a fleeting, panged smile at how ridiculous the action was.

And then she opened the door.

It was as if I was being assaulted once more, an overwhelming wave of things struck me at once, my ancient mind finding it impossible to keep up. The smell of burned, rotting wood was heavy, the sight and smell of stagnant, standing water covered everything. Walls were burned away to expose the very structures of the building that was so familiar to me, glimpses of the outside world visible through the gaping holes everywhere. The very building creaked, making it clear just how instable the structure was at present.

The walls, the rooms, the furnishings of the back of Fangtasia were now nothing more than rubble and fragments. The ceiling hung low and heavy, as if it may collapse at any given moment. The back door was missing from it’s hinges, an empty metal frame the only thing separating the club from the world outside. I could smell the very sweat of the unfamiliar humans who must have extinguished the blaze hanging in the air. Even with my flawed eyes I could see everything was gone. Everything was black.

And then, there was Sookie.

She was the first and only thing I truly saw. She was there, truly there, and such a far cry from the blackness that surrounded her and that held me since the witches first found me in my office the night before.

Her eyes were red and inflamed, signs of tears shed already and full of tears yet unshed, tears that I knew were for me. Her hair was tousled, a sure sign she had ran her fingers through it more times than she could count throughout her frustrating day. Her clothes were the ones that had laid beside my bed when I had left her the previous night to attend to the club. The smell of smoke clung to her, making it clear she had stood there all day, a helpless victim as she watched the world burn around me. Her breathing was quick and frantic, her heart matched it’s panicked rhythm.

I stepped back and away from her, terrified for one of the first and only times in my long existence.

I wish I could explain my fear, but even now as I am left reflecting, I do not know that I can. A part of me was afraid I would drain her without a second thought. Even with the heavy tainting of smoke upon her, my Sookie smells extraordinary, and I was so unfathomably hungry. I wanted to shout to her to get back, to run and run quickly, but was just as afraid that the predator in me would enjoy the short-lived hunt. A part of me was afraid of my own appearance. I knew even in the darkness with her flawed human vision, she could see the agony that was written into my flesh like a story that never should have been told. I loathed the idea of Sookie seeing me in such a deplorable state, gaunt from my blood loss, matted blood frozen to all parts of my body, my skin charred where my clothes had burned away in the flames, my chest marred with the gaping wounds the stakes had created. I knew the image was haunting. I could see it on her face.

Yet still, more than anything, I believe I was afraid of just what she meant to me in that moment.

Here I was, bloody and broken, beaten and bruised, and only she was there. My progeny were absent. My bonds, some more solidified than the one I share with her, were not present. No vampire who owed me fealty came to the aid of their Sheriff.

It was just her, a human, who had let herself feel all my pain and share it with me. It was just her who had answered my call. It was just her who had risked everything by unleashing me from my prison. It was just her who had given me hope in my bleakest of moments. It was just her standing in the charred remnants of my world, beckoning me out, asking to care for me, asking to take me away from it all.

I was terrified of how much I needed her.

What little pride I had that wasn’t left burned on the floor of Fangtasia or drained away from me by the witches asked her for something to hide my condition with. Without second thought, my human shrugged her coat off and draped it around me, concealing me from the world around me.

And it was just what I needed.

I let her lead me from the building that was the center of everything Area Five was, the building that was nearly my final resting place, and to her car. She asked me where I wanted to go and for once, I honestly didn’t know.

I have always been decisive and definite in everything I do, but I was simply uncertain. I was uncertain of everything… of where I went wrong, of what I have done to deserve this, of what I had left, of who I had left, of where I went from here… the list was unending.

I was uncertain of what I had done to deserve her, but in that moment I knew I would not do without her. Wherever she took me, so long as she was with me, I would make do. I needed her more than I needed blood in my drained body. She was my healing.

I offered no word of protest as she drove me home, leaving me to sit in her car as she gathered some of my belongings along with the blood stocked in my refrigerator from within. I slunk low in the passenger seat, avoiding the grizzly sight of my tortured reflection in the tinted glass of her windows. I could not utter a word of protest as she took me out of Shreveport and to Bon Temps.

If it was where she was, it was where I needed to be.

She struggled to carry the cooler packed with blood and the bag of my belongings from her car to her home, but still offered me her arm bathed in goosebumps from having surrendered her coat to me in order to aid in my journey to her door.

I didn’t deserve this creature.

She sat me in her small kitchen in one of the wobbly, mismatched chairs that lines the scratched up table she keeps there. Bag after bag of blood was warmed in the microwave and offered to me, my telepath working on washing the layer of blood and filth that clung to me away from my marred skin as I drank. She cut away the stiff and burned remnants of clothes from my body to free me of the burden of struggling out of them.

I could see the question in her eyes. I could see the torment of not knowing what had caused everything she had felt and everything she now saw so clearly written into my flesh, but she waited for me to tell her the story I already longed to forget.

And as I told her, she cried tears for my pain. She grieved for my loss as if it had been her own.

As my vision became more clear with every mug of blood I drank, I saw just how deeply she had suffered for me. How much I meant to her was written in every expression she wore. She wanted nothing more than to soothe my pain now and erase every indentation upon me the witches had left, both the physical reminders and the ones locked eternally in the confines of my mind.

It nearly upset me to know she would never be able to do that when I wanted nothing more than to give her what she wanted.

When I drank as much blood as I could, she led me to her bathroom and bathed me, having to drain and refill the basin numerous times to rid it of the blood and charred flesh that flaked off of me. I don’t believe she wanted me to notice how much cleaning was necessary to rid me of my previous night’s torture, but I knew. It simply didn’t matter when her presence behind me, rinsing my body and washing my hair was more comfort than I deserved.

She asked me to tell her more of what I have been through recently, the witches aside, and asked me to feed from her by giving me her wrist. I ultimately did not want to when I knew the information would only further upset her and taking her blood would only leave her weaker, but how can I deny this woman anything when she has given me so much? When she alone was my saving grace in my moment of need?

At present, it feels as if she alone is my world. There is nothing I would not give her if asked of me.

I felt infantile asking her if she would stay with me in the confines of her light-secured bedroom once I was finally clean and she led me to her bed. If she thought such a thing of me, she didn’t let me know it, and even seemed relieved I had made such an uncustomary request. And, sure enough, when I was roused from my death at sundown the following evening, she was still in my arms, curled into me in nearly the exact position she had been when the sun had taken me at dawn.

Without commenting on how little of my flesh had improved as of yet, she led me to her kitchen once more and prepared more blood for me while making herself dinner. I felt her intense hunger then and realized my lover must not have eaten at all while I was taken from her. She had sacrificed herself completely for me. As long as I walk this earth, it will never be forgotten.

It felt so natural and right to be with her in that moment, though my own mind traveled back to a time and world in which Sookie didn’t yet exist, when I was nothing more than a mortal man. Even a thousand years later I can recall distantly yet clearly what it was like to return to my home after months spent raiding to my wife and children. My body would be sore and show signs of the battles I had seen, but there was an unspoken comfort in returning to my homeland and my home, to see and be with those I left home in order to provide for, to listen to their stories of what I had missed in my absence and to offer ones of my own.

Sookie, my human, my telepath, my lover, my dear one… feels more like home to me than anything ever has before.

It felt wrong in such a profound moment to think about the witches who had robbed me of my blood, but I did. They had taken a part of me that is sacred, something that defines who and what I am. The female had the audacity to drink it directly from the immortal vessel that is me. It was not theirs to take.

And I wanted Sookie to have it.

I have bonded in blood twice to my telepath already, but a third exchange will seal our tie completely. For as long as we walk the earth, we will feel one another, her existence a constant buzz in the back of my mind and my existence one in her own. Her feelings will be my feelings. My feelings will be her feelings. She will feel me and know me more deeply than she could imagine, and I will feel and know her more deeply as well. I will be giving her an undeniable, irreversible power over me, but could I ever trust another with such a thing more than I can trust her?

She has proven herself to me more than any other ever has. It is appropriate I have not made such a permanent bond to a human before. It should be Sookie who I experience and know such a thing with first.

When I told her as much, she agreed instantaneously and despite the lingering pain I feel, I could only smile genuinely. Still, I have insisted it should not be rushed. I do not want her agreeing to such a thing if she is only doing so because she fears losing me to a second death now, and I do not want her to think for even a moment that I may be extending her this offer without sound presence of mind when nothing could be further of the truth.

We did not have long to discuss or think on these things before the phone calls to my lover began and I found myself disheartened. My own phone was lost in the blaze of the nightclub, but can any really claim to be concerned when I am only sought with a phone call? I know Sookie is not the only one who felt my pain then. In fact, I know it is still being felt now. Is this the loyalty I am shown and worth?

I could not let myself think on those things then, and instead chose to let Sookie do the talking. It is unnatural for me to shy away from conducting my own business, especially business that my lover does not need to concern herself with, but at present, I find the idea of doing such a thing myself completely repulsive. In the brief conversation I had that night with @pamiravenscroft on Sookie’s phone, I left Fangtasia and it’s reconstruction in her hands. I do not want to so much as see the building until both it and my flesh resemble what they had been before the witches interference.

Sookie’s patience with my subordinates seemed to mimic my own and quickly we were foregoing any further work or discussion with others in lieu of time to ourselves. My body was still fragile and weak, but I took my telepath that night, desperate to reclaim a connection I believe both of us needed. It feels more right than ever.

The following night we were visited by @VampNiklas and @TaliaPerrault, both of whom had felt my pain clearly through our bonds. Innocently enough, Niklas inquired as to whether or not I had sought out @AppiusOcella for the healing his blood could supply me with, and my ever observant telepath caught and wondered on it. I had to tell her my Maker and the frequently referenced Appius Livius Ocella are one in the same. She wants to know why I am so reluctant to talk of my Maker and promises she would never put herself in danger because of what I might say, but I do not know how she would take the happenings either. She has insisted she wishes to know and once more, I find myself incapable of denying her what she desires, but I simply do not know how I will share such a thing with her.

At the same time, I feel I must. I know there are many walls of my own making built up around me for my own safety and precaution. I have created them and I have reinforced them for centuries. Sookie has repeatedly told me she wishes to know me, truly know me, but I have never given her more of myself than I believe she is capable of handling.

She has proven she can handle more than I give her credit for. She has handled more than even the vampires around me by sharing my recent pain, then taking me in and caring for me. I will have to find a way to tell her and simply hope she both keeps her promise and that it changes nothing between us, to hear of my weakest moments in a millennium’s time.

I have been visited by more in Bon Temps since Niklas and Talia stopped by. @BiancaNorthman and her human witch, @LiamDelancy visited with Sookie and I tonight at my request. Though I do not like the witch Bianca has bonded to, the human has agreed to work with @VampyJo’s father, another witch, on finding and joining the coven of @BrodyKeyes and @WereHallow. Knowing the two who drained me have access to such sensitive information as my laptop and @LaceyTB’s phone makes time something that is not on our side. Knowing the red-headed male had been in New York when we tracked drainers there and had been able to both sense Sookie's telepathy and successfully block it certainly makes this an uphill battle. We need Liam and Jorge's aid in order to locate and end these witches before they have the chance to do to another what was done to me.

I will need to have Liam and @JorgeJAlvarez use their magic to secure the resting places of numerous Area Five vampires and to protect the dwellings that belong to our sympathizers and humans. I have always frowned upon magic and its uses, but I have the sinking feeling Bianca’s human and JoAnna’s father may be invaluable to us now. I am prepared to pay them handsomely for their work, but given my own experience with the witches they will be trying to both stop and join, I fear for their safety. I do not know if Bianca would forgive me if something happened to her human and I am sure JoAnna is fond of her father.

Just getting through the dinner discussing the witches and countering them was enough to leave me tired of work and it’s demand on my far-from-healed body. The moments I spend alone with Sookie right now are my saving grace, they are the reason I open my eyes at nightfall with more enthusiasm than my regenerating body wishes to allow.

Sookie is home and all else fails to matter so long as I am with her.

She is my escape, and there is no turning back.

Belated Thoughts on Father's Day

Dear Journal,

I have never thought much of Father's Day. I believe the purpose of the "holiday" is to congratulate males for successfully impregnating females by producing offspring. It's a relatively recent invention, something within the last hundred years or so, but apparently it is openly celebrated and acknowledged by many. I have never celebrated one before. To be honest, I never believed I would, but for once in my long existence, I was wrong (and it's the first time that happened, I swear to the gods).

I owe my adventure into Father's Day to none other than @Sookeh. I know even you must be puzzled by how I have come to be Sookeh's father, dear journal, but I once informed her that I had bedded her mother (true story), and, long story short, it was decided I was her father. Of course, I am well aware I can no longer produce children and have been unable to for the last thousand years, give or take a few decades, but I must admit, I felt a kinship to the Evil One from the very beginning. Not only is she wonderfully evil and perverse, but she finds nothing sacred and no one untouchable. Add into that equation that she has inherited a posterior as well admired as my own and I will forever consider her my evil daughter. After watching @BiancaNorthman bond with her by performing more than a fair share of cruel acts on completely innocent parties, I am positive she is as much my own as anyone else living or dead can claim to be.

For that reason alone, when I found out she intended on throwing me a Father's Day celebration, I could only look forward to it... as much as one can when they worry animal sacrifices may be involved, anyway. After having my car dismantled by Sookeh's neighbors in the Evil Trailer Park of Doom during her baby shower, I have decided to be prepared for anything when it comes to her celebrations. I had never heard of this "Chuck E. Cheese" place the event was being held at, but I was far from disappointed. The event was something I will not be forgetting for as long as I remain only as dead as I presently am.

It has taken me a while to fully gather my thoughts on the event that unfolded in Shreveport that night. Truth be told, I am still reeling in some ways, but I can only imagine it will help me finalize some thoughts if I simply get the events out on paper now.

My night began, as most do, with Bianca. @EricsButt seemed to possess a mind of it's own almost immediately upon my rising, but my mind was focused on the approaching event. Before we left my home to venture to the venue, Bianca presented me with a gift I can only say made me smile. It was a first edition of Shakespeare's First Folio, a book that included the first printing of The Taming of the Shrew. That play will forever hold a special place in my silent heart and I know the same is true for her as well. I can remember word for word the message she wrote upon the card she presented me with now. "You stopped my heart from the moment I met you, long before you turned me. I could ask for no better Maker than you, and hope more than anything to be by your side forever. Never forget that." I really do hope I never forget that, even if I sincerely doubt it now and then.

Along with @BarmaidSookie, we made our way to Chuck E. Cheese where many guests had already gathered including @WereLee, @JustMakenna, @DeviousLucas, @TaliaPerrault, @RyderHard, @RomanLucious, @were_lucian, @SaraElle69, and @EmoPam. Even @PrinceVladTepes managed to show up in order to slay many of the amusement park-like games the establishment offered just as he slayed my washer and dryer (at least, that was what he did before breaking @pamiravencroft's arm and fucking Bianca at the party, but that is entirely another entry on it's own). @AbiStewart, who had already gifted me with a present that brought a smile to my face, blessed me with an additional gift by finding and dragging along my nearly-constantly downtimed newborn, @NolanFerrior. I was pleased to see my future progeny, @LaceyTB, among the crowd as well (though how in the future her turning will be is again, another entry all it's own). @CalienteChloe was hard to miss among the celebrators as well. I felt her eyes glued to my ass the moment I stepped foot in the oversized rodent's den. She seemed a strange mixture of happy and incredibly sad, but her situation is rather unique, to say the least.

For the first time since their births and the destruction of my last Corvette, I saw @AshnSugarbaby. Already they have gotten so big, sometimes it is difficult to remember how quickly tiny humans grow. At least, Sugarbaby has grown. Ash is a runt and a midget, one I am certain Sugarbaby, the obviously superior twin, will eventually consume. I have my fingers crossed she'll put the thing named after @DavidCallum out of his misery before they ever reach a year old. @VampyJo, who gifted me with tickets to a Colts game, brought her and the Were's infant, @WereBabyLily along as well, so there were teacups galore present. I was reluctant to let Sugarbaby go, but I made an exception when the giant rat hosting the event informed me I was needed upon stage for a present.

And what a present it was.

I've always had a bit of a- what is it human's call such a thing?- crush on @EmoEricNorthman's assistant. @KamanaLei's a fairy, what sane vampire could resist? And that was before being gifted with the performance of a lifetime. The fairy had gotten wind that I have a certain fondness for capybaras ever since Nolan was rescued by one after he was thrown into a gator farm by Roman and I, and @CapyBrier still follows me around from time to time. I was treated to a lap dance by the exquisite smelling fae all while she was wearing a capybara mask. It was something I had certainly never experienced before, but I have to admit it, I liked it a whole lot.

After the fairy lap dance, things got a bit hazy for me, as it tends to be when that intoxicating aroma hangs in the air. The giant rodent expired quite unexpectantly somewhere near the bar. I remember EmoEric presented me with a present of livestock and I couldn't have been happier. The next thing I remember, I was being covered in butter and pushed through a tunnel into a pit of primary colored balls. The haze remains until some creature arose from the depths of the pit and scared all the townfolk away on a quest for the Lieutenant. I sent her after the Deputy instead before grabbing my gifts and heading out myself with Sookie, Nolan, and Chloe in tow.

Note to self: Get something to transport livestock. When squirrels are passing my vehicle, something is not right. I hereby pledge never to drive at half the speed of squirrel again.

Once I got the livestock to cooperate enough we made it to Chloe's dwelling, she kissed my ass. I don't mean kissed it as it is normally kissed by the Deputy and the masses, I mean she literally kissed my ass. I wonder if it tasted of butter after that ball pit. Needless to say, it was quite a way to end my night.

After such an adventure, I am sure of a few things. One, the ball pit at Chuck E. Cheese contains horrendous secrets. Two, the capybara is superior to other large, alcoholic rodents. Three, Nolan really does need to wear a bell. Four, Sookeh will forever be my family.