A Whirlwind Week

Thursday night, @BarmaidSookie left her farm house in order to attend what she called a "munch needed" meeting with @Sam_MerlotteBT. The notion of her going to speak to the Shifter worried me a great deal, especially since the last few encounters with the glorified canine have left much to be desired. Not only has he made it a common practice to insult my lover simply because she is with me, but Sookie confessed that he had taken to offering similar derogatory comments to @Tara_ThorntonBT since she has so often been accompanied by and watched over by @fangtasiaserge. I don't care much for Serge myself, yet anyone with eyes can see he is no danger to Sookie's friend and that his actions are purely out of concern for her.

The Shifter's hatred of all things vampire seems to have reached a new and concerning level as of late. While I know no vampire would react to his amusing and ignorant rantings, I have worried for the humans around him, and that includes my Sookie. Though she offered me the opportunity to go with her on the venture, I could not allow myself to do so, even though it was more than tempting. My presence would have only fueled the Shifter's fire.

Instead, I was left in Sookie's farmhouse quite unsure of what to do with myself. It is amazing how quickly I have become completely accustomed to her presence at my side. Without her, I found myself at a loss and feeling her absence immediately. She was there for me when no other was, and that has imprinted upon me in an irreversible way. It is almost fortunate for me that @pamiravenscroft phoned Sookie's home shortly after my telepath's departure and provided me with a much needed distraction.

She had arrived at @BarWithABite that evening planning to further organize the necessary renovations for the club after the witch's fire only to find a part of the roof had collapsed, and not by natural means. At the scene of the crime, she discovered @AshleyDanielss along with another, unfamiliar girl, @Witch_Madison. With the help of @MelissaHiggens, who was there to help her with the debris removal and necessary phone calls, the pair managed to apprehend the two girls and secure them in the basement of Fangtasia against their will. Both were questioned, but Pam stated they were willful and refused to offer information up. After the spell @DocLudwig diagnosed as having been placed on her by a witch, she has struggled with glamoring, and found herself unable to force the pertinent information out of them.

After some brief consulting with one another, we decided to leave the girls in the basement of the club and starve them. Their willfulness will break quickly enough. If either is connected to the witches who took my blood and burned me, we will uncover it and will then be a step closer to finding those responsible. It is a small relief and victory amid the series of unfortunate happenings that have plagued Area Five since the sudden influx of witches. There will be many more victories to follow this one.

Once I was off the phone with Pam, I struggled with deciding whether or not I should tell Sookie this information when she returned home. Despite the fact that I know my lover wants vengeance upon those responsible for Fangtasia's fire and my resulting injuries, I know she would not approve of holding the girls and torturing them in much the way I myself was tortured. I decided not to tell her, not to avoid the argument that could ensue, but simply because I did not want to consider involving myself or Sookie in these things in any way. Pam has the situation in hand and I trust her with it. Sookie does not need the unpleasantness, nor do we, not when my lover has been so happy lately.

That happiness is of the utmost importance to me and I want nothing more than to maintain it. Instead of deciding how I would broach the issue when she returned from the Shifter's pub, I put in a rushed text to @LaylaDarshan with clear instructions for the next day.

Sookie returned home soon with news that left me pleasantly surprised. Her meeting with the Shifter went far better than I could have anticipated, and my lover finally explained the nature of her talk. She sought additional time away from the redneck bar in order to stay with me and adapt to my hectic schedule. It is both relieving and rewarding that she is as devoted to solidifying this rare and extraordinary thing we are sharing as I am. I know what my lover's work and income means to her, and I know she has as much pride as I do. She is so reluctant to offer any aid from me despite it being something so easy for me to give, but these things we will work through.

I am fortunate to have her. I cannot tell her such a thing enough. I am determined to show her how much I appreciate her presence in my existence and the sacrifices she has made for me more often.

I showed her that night in her kitchen. We broke her Gran's table.

When I rose Friday evening, Sookie was not in bed with me, but I could smell her cooking in the kitchen. She was obviously distracted and it quickly became apparent as to why. Layla did not disappoint in the requests I made of her the previous night. The packages arrived just as I had desired them and Sookie had spent her daylight hours wondering to the contents of them. Once she had fed, I allowed for her to quench her curiosity and open the boxes. I couldn't help but chuckle as she first discovered the gown I had chosen for her, her face filled with a kind of awe and trepidation.

I had been considering attending the @BloodBall2010 for some time and could imagine attending with no one but Sookie. Things had been so hectic that a trip to New Orleans for a party of such sorts seemed out of the question, but Sookie and I both needed a chance to get away and enjoy one another. When I invited her to attend with me, she instantly accepted, and in no time, the additional boxes were opened and we were packing for the lengthy drive to New Orleans along with Hundr, who has been quite overdue for a stay in a vampire hotel.

We didn't reach New Orleans until it was nearly dawn and Sookie and Hundr were quick to fall asleep. I knew my lover would need all the rest she could get for a busy and memorable event. When I awoke on Saturday evening, Sookie was already buzzing about the hotel room, preparing herself for her very first formal event of such magnitude. It is almost surprising to me no one has ever offered her such before. My lover deserves to be treated to the finest things in life and she looks natural in a gown of such design. It truly did hug her body in the most perfect way, making it nearly impossible for me to will myself into my tux and out of our hotel room...

But I digress. There was not even a small chance that I would deprive my lover of an event she was so obviously anticipating, and I could feel her anticipation clearly. We drove to the Magisterial Estate, where @VampireMagister hosts the event every year and as soon as we entered, Sookie was enchanted by the opulence of her surroundings. We saw @LaceyTB almost immediately upon entering and I could tell Sookie was relieved not every face in the crowd was unfamiliar. In fact, there were many familiar faces in the crowd of partygoers. @DavidCallum, @AlyxConway, Pam, @RomanLucious, @MeeMawBellefleu, @VampireStan, @KittyCatAngie, @ShifterPmt17, @CindyLouLouBear, @BranCrisp, @Lady_Cris3, and even @Vampire_Bubba looking dapper in a metallic suit were all among the collection of humans, Weres, and vampires who had amassed for the retired Magister's celebration.

And naturally, @Sookeh was there, possibly for the free food. She stopped by Sookie and I for only a few moments in order to introduce us to her new flame, @EvilDamon. The "boyfriend" was either invisible or nonexistent and I expressed exactly this, much to Sookeh's annoyance. Once the Evil One took off in another direction apparently in search of a human to sacrifice for some cause, my lover informed me she believes my daughter has an imaginary boyfriend. I do not know what to make of that, but it is Sookeh, and I find myself simply accepting it. In the grand scheme of things, this is quite normal.

Sookie also introduced me to a friend of hers, @MenaGrazie, a human who seemed quite out of sorts and jumpy despite the fact that I assured her I would not be quick to kill her when she is a friend of my lover's. I do not know why the girl was so uncomfortable. I would think any attending a ball being hosted by vampires would be comfortable among the undead, but one can never really anticipate nor understand humans fully. Sookie stated that the girl was a writer, a journalist of some kind. Perhaps she is simply more familiar interacting with words instead of individuals. It can be investigated later.

When @Kayden_D took the stage to perform for the audience, I was quick to sweep my lover out onto the dance floor. Nothing in this world compares to Kayden's voice, which seems to have been touched by the gods themselves. The Magister made a wise choice in turning her and choosing her as his lover and companion. Sookie and I danced for easily an hour on end without stopping. I had no idea she enjoyed such a thing so much, but it is exactly what such an occasion is for, and the two of us took full advantage of it. I will really have to take her dancing more often.

When she required a rest, we found a table and were quickly joined by Lacey, Dave, and Alyx, who are always the most welcome of company. Lacey was inebriated and quite upset, though she insisted she was enjoying herself. She informed Sookie and I there has been progress in @JackDanielsTB's condition and he may soon wake. I hope that with his waking, Lacey's own spirits will improve as well. It pains me to see her with such a sadness surrounding her. I will always think of Lacey as my daughter, and her pain is my own. Though I do not know this Jack of hers well yet, I can tell he brings to her what Sookie brings to me. I hope that is returned to her soon.

Chatting with the three of them with Sookie at my side was the perfect way to end the evening, and soon, Sookie and I were returning to our hotel for amazing sex. How is it that every time is so amazing and never remotely boring? I do not know, but I doubt it will be changing, and certainly do not want it to.

On Sunday, I took Sookie and Hundr on a carriage ride through New Orleans City Park to see the display of holiday lights they feature every year. This holiday season is so important to my lover, I wanted her to have the chance to experience the holiday in the Big Easy, even if we would only be there briefly. Sookie seemed enchanted by the experience and even Hundr seemed to enjoy all the lights and people buzzing about. Sookie sampled the cuisine and we strolled the gardens lazily, something we both enjoyed. Hundr enjoyed leaving his own trace on the gardens much to my amusement. Able to convince me of nearly anything, my lover even managed to get me onto the rides that had been set up for the event. Her enjoyment was my own, so I would easily do it all again.

We were both nearly reluctant to end our weekend away, but the time to return to Shreveport had unquestionably reached us. Sookie does not want to miss the birth of Tara's child and there is much more to do in our holiday celebrations. My lover has gone to work planning a baby shower for her along with @JustLafayette and @JericaMalone, and she seems to be genuinely excited for the new addition to her makeshift family, so I am pleased for her.

Last night, Sookie and I planned on decorating my home for the holiday season as we had her own home, but I found myself incapable of doing that before I discussed the prospect of our third bonding with her. I love Sookie Stackhouse, now that I have confessed to such and realize the depths of my affections for her, I desire the permanent bond that the blood exchange would form. I reminded her of my intention to travel to Sweden with @NolanFerrior this season, and asked her if she would do me the honor of bonding to me there. She immediately agreed to my relief, and has even embraced the idea of having the important exchange witnessed by some of those who will understand it's importance best. She chose a small list of people, Lacey and Jack, @BiancaNorthman and @LiamDelancy, Nolan and @NiftyJenny, Pam, and @WaylonLee_ to invite. The fact that she chose some of those most important to me pleases me if only because it assures me they are becoming important to her as well.

Of course, my lover could never stop there. Immediately she began planning a small party in which we can invite those few for the trip and explain our intentions to them. She truly is the consummate hostess. Not wanting to be one to forget any this holiday season, she is also toying with the idea of another party to include all our friends and relations. My lover is nothing if not thoughtful and infinitely thankful for those she cares for.

I will never be able to determine what I have done to deserve her, but I know I will never be able to let her go now that I have her.

Four Letter Words

I always suspected that everything I had ever known had changed the fateful night @BarmaidSookie walked into @BarWithABite on the arm of @TruBloodBill.

Now, beyond a shadow of a doubt, I know I was right.

One girl, one (mostly) human girl, has managed to turn the world as I have known it for over a thousand years time completely upside down. One might fairly inquire how such a thing could be possible, but the answer is both simple and the most unfathomable thing I have yet experienced to date.

She made me fall in love with her.

Love. A four letter word that is so simple to speak, yet so impossible to truly understand and to know. Truthfully, I have always thought of it more as an idealized concept than something that actually existed. To love someone- to really love someone- I was certain was impossible. It is a word that is so casually thrown about by both the living and the undead, a word to substitute something more honest and accurate, such as “fleeting affection,” but it could not possibly be real. Not when I had so much reason to doubt it.

I have heard so many use it without an ounce of meaning. Is it really love when, after a few nights spent apart, one's eye and body is wandering towards a new party, and one's mind is wandering away from that which they claim to have such a deep affection for? Is it love when one thinks only of himself? Is it love when she puts herself first? Is it love when one's actions are fueled by the things using such a word can give them? Be it sex, blood, power, or material goods? Is it love when such a thing can be easily discarded for something more promising or more desirable? Is it love when distance or absence is able to interfere?

No. This is not love. I have never felt it was.

Of course, there have been plenty who have claimed to love me. How easily lust is mistaken for love. The difference between the two could not be more dramatic, however. While I had never loved, I have lusted. Oh, how I have lusted in my many years, but even without ever having experienced love for myself, I knew it was not the same. Passion without depth, without meaning, is nothing more than physical desire, which has always been enough for me. The kind of love I was both offered and willing to give in return left me sated. I gave no weight to the word when it was offered to me. Not when I was certain it was meaningless.

I always refused to use it myself, regardless of the cost of not returning the sentiment. Why should I perpetuate the lie? They would go on to offer someone else their brand of “love,” forgetting so easily how a word with such meaning had been offered to me, and someone new would willingly accept my own limited lust for themselves without hesitation.

Many believed they could or would change me. That in time, I would come to offer up the word so many have made nearly worthless with misuse. Just as my outward appearance had not changed since my death over a millennium ago, neither would my position on falsely claiming to love what I did not.

Really, why should it have? Even as a mortal man, I had never known nor experienced what I believed love to be. My marriage was not built upon such frivolous things as unwavering and irreplaceable affection. When my elder brother had died in battle and left behind a widow in the marriage our parents had arranged for him, it fell to me to marry her to keep our families connected. She was a good woman, a good mother to our children, and a good enough wife, but it was never truly about love. Her death was an undeniable loss to me, but my heart did not break, my world did not shatter. I had not truly lost a piece of myself with her passing, and though I grieved for the end of a woman I had come to care for and respect, I carried on.

When I had never known or experienced love for myself, I could not miss it, I could not crave it. I was not seeking it, nor expecting it to find me. Such a thing was not meant for me, I was certain of this, and I had accepted it without mourning.

Of course, that did not stop me from being curious of it. There are moments of my existence that have been encompassing in their darkness and loneliness. In such times, I allowed myself to wonder what such a thing could be like for me. Even though I was sure I could not love nor be loved, that did not stop me from wanting it. Isn’t that how things so often are though? What we can never have, we yearn for the most. I was certain it was not for me, however, so I never allowed me to fool myself into believing it could or would happen.

So naturally, when I least anticipated it, it did.

Few things for a vampire my age can ever be considered new, yet everything with Sookie has been. From the moment she first entered my nightclub, clueless and hopeless, she entranced and fascinated me. When she daringly (and perhaps foolishly) exposed her valuable gift of reading human thoughts in order to spare me and my child from being implicated in a raid on Fangtasia, I saw in her a sense of charity I had come to believe no longer existed in this world. It was the same kind of charity I foolishly offered to a stranger lying on the side of a road and calling out for aid on the last night of my life.

The difference was that Sookie knew exactly what I was, and she hadn’t hesitated at all in order to help me. I could barely fathom it.

From there, as if that in itself was not earthshaking enough, she exposed me to compassion. After she had offered up such unexpected charity and revealed her gift in doing so, I had attempted to show the girl exactly who and what she had aided. I had been so prepared to threaten and scare this young human woman beyond her wildest imaginations, to give her a dose of reality she clearly needed if she intended on not being the next Bon Temps bloodsack to wind up dead. Calling her to Fangtasia in order to uncover who was stealing from me in the manner I had should have terrified her.

And while I could smell the fear on her and see it in her mannerisms, it didn’t stop her from holding her ground in demanding no lives could be taken by using her gift. She looked at the sweaty, worthless accountant who tended the books and the vampire-addicted waitresses who wore their desperation in scars on the flesh of their necks as if they were valuable and worth something. She soothed and comforted them as she read their thoughts and questioned them aloud. She meant nothing to them. I could see in their very expressions that they loathed this girl who could single-handedly be their end, but she never let this change her demands. She protected them, without reason, and was an unwavering source of calm to them they didn’t deserve.

And I had thought I had seen everything.

I went out of my way to make the girl uncomfortable. She portrayed the image of a proper southern belle and I am proud to be the exact opposite, so I reveled in being as rude, shocking, and crass as possible. I wanted to fuck her, so I told her so often. I propositioned her in inappropriate manners in front of others despite the fact that she belonged to another. My lips sought and found hers without her approval. I tricked her into consuming my blood. I laughed at her anger and shamelessly taunted her.

And what did she do in turn? She forgave me. Forgiveness itself is a concept I am unfamiliar with. Vampires tend to seldom forgive and never forget. Had I done to another vampire what I did to her, I would have paid for it in blood and would eternally be looking over my shoulder expecting retaliation. I have had so many humans who have expected for me to purchase forgiveness in jewelry and other pricy things. Such thoughts never occurred to my Sookie. She simply met my gaze and dismissed the many ways I wronged her. Even when I did the same things over and over, even when I refused to “learn my lesson” and accept her rejection, she forgave me. Without reason, without gaining anything from it, she forgave me, time and time again.

And I cannot put into words what a new feeling being truly forgiven is to me.

When she finally rid herself of the Civil War Relic and gave herself to me, she gave me a gift I have sought for so many years through our bond. She allowed me to feel her happiness- true happiness- and happiness that I was the cause of. It wasn’t things I could give her that made her experience these feelings either. I could feel it so clearly in moments that made little sense to me. She was so happy when I simply agreed to attend a dinner with her brother, @HornDogJason. She was so thrilled when I would agree to spend my daytime death in her farmhouse instead of returning to Shreveport. She allowed me to feel her true bliss when doing nothing but watching an old movie with her on her ugly living room couch, or when first taking her into my arms after a few nights spent apart. She allowed me to feel these echoes of something I have so long ago forgotten and have spent so long searching for again, and never once hesitated to tell me with complete sincerity that I was the cause of her elated mood.

That I could make another so rare and extraordinary as her happy is the greatest gift I have ever been given.

And then, when I was not expecting it at all, she loved me. Through all the tragedies and losses my lover has felt and experienced in her brief time on this earth, she knows better than most how fleeting and fragile human life is. Still, she gave her heart to me, unguarded and raw with the pain of previous betrayals to have, hold, and protect. She gave it to me without expecting or demanding the same in turn. She offered the sentiment and did not let me feel even a hint of disappointment in her when I failed to return the words to her. She had given me the power to crush and destroy her, for no reason other than she wanted to. She trusted me with it. She demanded nothing in return.

Then, she watched me shatter. She felt my pain and helplessness so clearly as Fangtasia burned around me. She watched the proud, Viking warrior and Sheriff of Area Five be reduced to nothing more than a shell of what I am. She felt me break and then she aided the confused and lost vampire I had become out of my own miserable prison. She did not judge me for my weakness, though I believe she was as aware of it as I am. Instead, she nursed me, she cried for me, she cared for me, she protected me. She has sheltered and clothed me, knowing that doing so puts herself and her home in danger, without seeking anything in return.

She has listened to me express fears I have never been comfortable voicing to another and does not let such change her feelings for me. While I would expect most to be repulsed by the uncertainty and hesitation I find myself feeling so easily now- while I would be repulsed by another if they were the one with such uncertainty and hesitation- it has not clouded nor altered my lover’s opinions nor feelings in the slightest. If anything, it has only made her more certain she needs to be at my side, that it is where she belongs.

And the more I consider these things, the more I believe that she is right. The more I allow myself to feel what she feels for me, the more I realize I feel the same. The more time I spend with my lover, the more I realize she has become an integral and vital part of both my nights and of me. Because Sookie has opened herself so completely to me, because she has not hesitated to feel so sincerely and strongly for me, my own walls and defenses have allowed her to pass through them.

As she slumbered at my side on Thanksgiving, having submitted to her exhaustion even before all our guests had departed for the night, I found myself pondering if I could love this woman. Even as she slept, I found her presence and proximity to me to be a pillar of strength and comfort. The way she curled into my side and the way her hand instinctively curled and grasped at the air when I had first moved away from her told me I was the same to her. Even after she had seen me weakest, even when she was at her most vulnerable, she sought me and trusted me.

Being as unfamiliar with love as I am, I found myself frequently pondering it over the next few nights, trying to identify exactly what it was that I felt for Sookie. Undeniably, every moment I spend with her is important to me. Whether we are alone or with others, whether we are watching a movie, sitting around her kitchen table, or whether I am making her scream my name as she writhes beneath me, every second of it is valuable to me. I do not have to feign having an interest in her thoughts. Instead, I am genuinely curious and care about what she thinks. I value her opinion and ask for it often.

I find myself smiling so often when I am near her. After mastering the art of a blank expression centuries upon centuries ago, it is unusual to be so drawn to such a meaningful expression now. Sookie makes me laugh with relative ease and I find her own frequent smiles and laughs both satisfying and rewarding. Around her, things are easy. I find I have no great need or cause to guard myself or to act a certain way. I am able to relax and simply appreciate her company.

And then I enjoy all that is her as much as one possibly could. The warmth of her skin beneath my fingers feels right, as if my hands have been waiting an eternity just to know every inch of her body. Her breath on my neck feels good, as if it alone could warm me to my very core. The scent of her is so familiar and I am so drawn to it, I could recognize her arrival in a room full of people while blindfolded, even without our bond. Her blood is all I desire passing through my lips and everything else fails to compare and satisfy me in the same way. The sensation of her heart racing while pressed up against my own cold and silent chest feels so natural I crave it. And no matter how many times I have her, no matter how I take her, there is no trace of boredom felt by me. In fact, it is so extraordinary every time, I am nearly surprised and dumbfounded by it over and over again.

I am compelled to bring her happiness however I can, in every way I can. I desire to care for her and unburden her senseless worries so they no longer exist. I want to offer her security and build an existence with her. I want her near me, nightly, and actually find myself hoping she desires the same of me. For the first time, I find myself concerned that she may grow tired of me or grow tired of the politics and complexities of my own world and flee it. As inconceivable as I would have thought it, I find myself willing to sacrifice some of what I pride myself on if it would allot me more time with her and please her.

With each of those things considered, each and every one of them new and unexpected, it seems I can only bring myself to one conclusion that feels both good and somehow right, no matter how unfamiliar it may be.

I, Eric Northman, am in love with Sookie Stackhouse. My human, my telepath, my lover, my dearest one, has irreversibly altered my unchanging self to my very core.

And I would not have it any other way.

My Bonds: Petulant Pam

@PamiRavenscroft

London was no good for me.

It was my first trip to the island nation since Bianca had left me- since I had forced Bianca to leave me- and I went to it seeking some kind of solace. I knew at once it had been a foolish thing for me to do. In the centuries it had been since I had prowled the streets nightly for my dinner and entertainment, the city had changed a great deal. A world that had been familiar to me had evolved. Even the house I had resided quietly in had been demolished and built over. I sought comfort, but only found myself reminded everything was different now.

Everything, that is, except me.

I don’t know that that is something a vampire ever comes to accept. In moments of quiet, it is so easy for one to think back and remember what we have done and where we have come from. Those memories are all that remain, however. The people die, the landscape changes, the world evolves, history moves on, yet we linger.

To say that it’s depressing could be quite the understatement.

I had been fortunate for the few centuries before then to spend little time in the confines of my tortured mind. Existence with Bianca had kept me busy and entertained. As she experienced the world as a young vampire, I felt it all through her eyes. I reserved very little time to dwell on my past and only let myself look forward to a future that would never end.

Until the end. The despair I had felt when reminding myself that my child would come to leave me was encompassing. I had forced her away with my self-induced misery, but it was necessary and right. Unfortunately, it left me with a mind clouded by and consumed with gloom. I had always been independent, but now I felt more alone than ever. Women were more than willing to forego their chastity for a night with me, but none of them were special, least of all to me, and when I sent them on their ways, I always felt more alone than I had even before their arrival.

I wanted to leave London. I wanted to leave and to never return to the damned city with its memories I no longer wanted. It panged me to be there.

Yet, for the death of me, I couldn’t bring myself to depart.

I couldn’t figure out why I stayed. It was as if I was determined to punish myself, a masochistic nature developing because I wanted or needed to be miserable. I was well aware of what I was doing, and I hated it. I felt as if I was not much more than a shadow of the vampire I once was. It was inexcusable. It had to change. I wanted nothing more than to change it.

But I just couldn’t leave London.

Looking back, I wonder if it was the fates that kept me there, because truly, I was rewarded for my suffering. I can recall the night in question with complete clarity now, over a century later, as if it was only last night.

Hunting had grown easier in the time I had been away. London was more populous than ever and there was no shortage of humans to be found after darkness fell. While the other vampires I crossed paths with in London had been happy to feast upon and end the limitless vagrants, whores, and street urchins who were so easy to find in the darkened alleys of the city, I had a taste for finer things.

Parks had become my chosen haunts. Once night fell, the severely understaffed London law enforcement had their hands full with the human creatures of the underworld to properly keep an eye on such “safe” locations. Of course, I had to avoid killing my prey to keep things that way, and with my mood at the time, it was difficult, but the rewards of keeping my resolve always paid off. The humans I could find strolling the well groomed lawns were always cleaner and more appealing than other available options. I could manage restraining myself for that luxury.

The sun had been set for a relatively short time when I headed out to find my dinner for the night. My meal was unremarkable and dull. Dessert was something else entirely.

I had been on my way back to the place I spent my daytime hours when I happened upon a curious sight. A young woman, dressed in her finest, was attempting to crawl down the side of a stately home from an open window… poorly. She was uncoordinated and overall a foolish sight, but the girl was oblivious to her own ridiculousness. She perpetually wore a devilish smile as she descended her home, a light trickle of nearly silent laughter leaving her rosy lips at regular intervals. She was being rebellious and doing something she ought not have, that much was clear.

I couldn’t help but be curious.

And so, I chose to follow her.

Once she reached the ground beneath her, she took off in what must have been a run for her, heading to destinations unknown. I followed her easily, keeping a safe distance behind her and in the shadows at all times. She ran only a short time before I saw what she was headed for.

A young man, only a few years her senior, stood alone beneath a tree, his eyes searching the darkness for the signs of someone. I saw him long before the woman did, but I knew the moment her poor, human eyes fell on him. The sharp, exhilarated intake of breath she took was not missed by my ancient ears.

When she reached him, they embraced. She clung to him and he held her close. They exchanged quick, boring kisses while I studied the pair unblinkingly. Their whispered words were heard clearly by my ears. They were young, they were in love, but it was not to be.

The woman- her name was Pamela- did more talking than the male. It was through her words I learned the basic nature of their situation. Her parents didn’t deem the man acceptable for her, but she wanted no other. She loved him, she was so certain of it. She would give up anything for him. He was worth sneaking out of her family home to meet since they were able to see one another so seldom. He would be leaving the home he was staying at soon, and she feared they would not see one another again.

This human woman intrigued me. She was young and beautiful. In the moonlight, her blonde hair shined and her face was flush with excitement and intensity. Her eyes glistened with unshed tears as she spoke of their inevitable departure. She was so vulnerable and fragile and so passionately in love.

I couldn’t truly tell if the man returned her affections as deeply. I had spent centuries studying human behavior, reading the smallest of gestures and hearing the unspoken words to keep myself safe and knowing more than my prey could ever dream. The woman’s love for this man was obvious, but he was restrained, almost distant. I doubt she noticed, too blinded by her own emotions, but I did.

What a stupid human. Any man would be fortunate to have a woman so loyal and so willing to love him completely.

And as soon as the thought entered my head, I thought of myself and the child who had just left me. Had I been foolish in pushing her away? No, I couldn’t think like that. She hadn’t loved me and I am not capable of love. Bianca was so like me in every way, I found it impossible to believe she was anymore capable of such affection than I was.

But this creature in front of me could love, and did.

The voyeur in me was disappointed when the pair parted ways after only a dozen kisses and embraces, but my disappointment was short-lived. The woman began her trail back to the dwelling she had left, the man going in the opposite direction to a home up the road, not even bothering to escort his “love” to make sure she made it home safely.

And she wouldn’t make it home safely. I’d be seeing to that personally.

She was heading towards me languidly, not running home in the way she had left it and instead strolling along blissfully unaware of the monster who lurked nearby. It allowed me time to think and consider what I would do.

Already I had fed for the night. Spoiling this woman’s porcelain skin for nothing more than a taste would be such a waste. I wanted to fuck her, to see if she would look at me the way she had looked at her suitor, but her home was simply too close. If it was noticed she was missing, she would be searched for. I couldn’t risk being discovered screwing her amid her home’s garden flowers.

I was running out of options, and more than that, I was running out of time with every lazy step she took back towards her house.

I hadn’t thought about making another vampire again, really. Bianca and I hadn’t been parted for nearly as long as it felt we had to me. I had no real desire to go through the ordeal of training and preparing another child for an eternal existence.

But I weighed my options all the same.

A distraction would be good. Newborns were such a handful, I would have little time to let my mind wander to the darker places they had been frequenting so often. I was lonely. I hated admitting such a thing to myself, but I was. Having someone who needed me in order to survive would be invaluable. I would have someone to talk to, someone to talk to me, someone to hunt with, someone to teach. Companionship at such a time was more than a little appealing.

And what did she have to lose? She didn’t enjoy life with her family, that much was obvious. If she truly did, she wouldn’t have disobeyed them nor snuck away from them of her own freewill. The man she loved would be leaving. She would be doomed to an unhappy future, one that would involve marrying a suitor she didn’t care for, and having a life wished upon her instead of one she chose. I wouldn’t let her choose whether or not to die, but I would give her freedom in time to do whatever she pleased. I am not an overbearing Maker. She would choose her fate.

And so I stepped in front of her, blocking the path she took.

She froze mid-step, her eyes slowly lifting to meet my own with only the moonlight for her to see them in. She was stunned, almost amusedly so, even before I glamored her easily into an agreeable and necessary silence. The only time she spoke was when I told her to invite me into her home that stood so nearby, and then they were whispered words spoken as if from a distance. My arms wrapped around her warm frame, supporting her as her neck lolled to the side on my whispered command.

With no further hesitation or thought, my fangs pierced her tender flesh, and I drank.

Only the racing of her heartbeat gave away her fear as I fed. She remained silent and obedient… and it was probably the last time Pam was ever silent and obedient. Looking back, I probably should have enjoyed it more for those few, very brief moments it lasted.

I fed quickly. I didn’t take the time to enjoy the warm elixir that was her blood as it ran down my throat. I didn’t want to prolong any suffering as she met her human end. The strength of her heartbeat weakened as her body was drained of its essence, and when I could tell it would give out at any moment, I lifted her, flying up to the window I had witnessed her crawl through earlier in the night.

I laid her spent body in the bed I found there. Her eyes were closed, but I could hear the weak resolve of her heart as it attempted to carry on despite my assault. I knelt by her bed before my fangs sank into my wrist, and easily, I fed it to her mouth. She swallowed weakly, choking on the foreign substance being forced upon her, but as I felt my blood begin to work it’s way through her system, I knew it had done it’s job.

The wound my fangs had created upon her neck sealed over and I listened in the stillness of the room for her heartbeat to fade entirely. It was only a minute before her body was limp and lifeless on the bed. I hastily cleaned the blood from her mouth and neck, erasing the evidence of our exchange and found myself relieved I hadn’t made a mess of her clothes when feeding. She looked pristine despite being dead. That was perfect.

As quickly as I had entered it, I left through the window, leaving it as open as she had. I knew little of human medicine, nor diseases they suffered from, but could recall from my own mortal life that it did not take much for infection to take someone, and quickly at that. I knew she would be discovered by her family shortly after the sun rose and laid to rest quickly.

I was simply left to wait.

I spent the three nights of her limbo preparing. I kept an eye on the house of her family and was able to find her grave shortly after it was dug. I gathered and packed my belongings, preparing to leave when my newborn rose. I would be leaving London now. There would be no way around it.

And I was relieved.

On the third night, I didn’t bother feeding when the sun slipped below the horizon and instead headed to the fresh plot I knew she was resting in. I dug into the recently churned earth swiftly, making short work of what had no doubt taken humans hours to accomplish. By the time I reached the box she was kept in, I knew she hadn’t risen yet, but it was only a moment more before her eyes opened and looked at me, her confusion and shock obvious and appropriate.

I held her. I had held her only briefly the night I took her, but it was different now. Her body was colder, her movements more quiet. She never fought my grasp of her and she listened to my explanation without interruption. We couldn’t linger though, and quickly, I replaced the earth in her now empty grave as she adjusted to the world through unclouded eyes.

The quiet, curious, reserved child somehow vanished by the time I was through filling the earth once more.

Pam was nearly unbridled. I had been a Maker only a few times before, but never had I created such a feral thing. She took to hunting immediately, making a mess of herself, the humans she quickly ended, and often of me as well. She always mourned her clothes once they were too stained in blood to save, but refused to cease playing with her food in order to spare them.

I introduced Pam to sex. It hadn’t been my intention on engaging in a sexual relationship with one of my children so soon after such a thing had ended, but it happened all the same. Pam was adventurous and newborns are so free, curious, and spirited, I found myself repeatedly falling into bed with her. Her tastes varied on a nightly basis, and more often than not I was simply left watching in amusement.

We left London, naturally, though we stayed in England for some time. I told myself it was for Pam’s benefit, to keep her in a place that was at least familiar, but perhaps I was unwilling to entirely close the door. For ten years, we wandered through the north before finally returning to the city Pam had resided in and the city that haunted me.

Our time back was brief. The New World was calling to me just as it was so many then. People were making the passage across the Atlantic on a more regular basis and the appeal of land I had never before explored was too tempting to resist. I was finally ready to close all previous chapters and move forward, starting afresh, starting new in a place without memories to burden me of things past. Pam and I found passage on a ship and fed sparingly throughout the journey, and before long, we were in America.

We chose not to stay together, however. It wasn’t that I believed Pam was eager to leave me, nor that I thought she wouldn’t have stayed with me if I asked it of her. We got along brilliantly, despite the fact that I was, in her words, bossy, and she was, in my words, a spoiled and lazy pain in the ass. Still, she was nothing if not loyal, and I trusted her as I’ve trusted few in my long existence.

The New World and it’s mysteries was for each of us to experience for ourselves, however. We kept in touch often, crossing the land that laid between us easily, though many humans perished making similar journeys themselves. We functioned with a natural ease.

Our relationship ceased to be one of Maker and child. Despite distance, Pam had become my closest friend. She was crude, sarcastic, annoying, demanding, and judgmental, but I can’t imagine my existence without her. As methods of communication evolved with superior technology, we were capable of keeping in touch more easily, and we spoke often, though we were living vastly different lives.

I had settled into politics with ease and Pam couldn’t comprehend why I had bothered. Though she was determined I could be a King, she had no motivation for such time consuming things herself. She was one of few vampires inhabiting the northern Midwest whereas I preferred staying in the South. When we first began discussing the idea of the Great Revelation, I contacted Pam for her input and thoughts.

So, it was completely natural that once we “left the coffins,” Pam was the first vampire I contacted. The idea to open a nightclub had been one I had mulled over since before we made our announcement to the world at large, when it was finally a possibility, there was no other I could see making the venture with me.

And Pam didn’t have to be asked twice.

I never ordered her back. The idea didn’t even cross my mind. Pam and I simply function too well together to deny. Fangtasia is as much her baby as it is mine. As much as she complains about the work, the humans, the Kingdom of Louisiana, and the attire the club requires of her, I know she wouldn’t choose existing without it anymore.

Pam makes decisions I can’t and don’t always approve of. She errors as much now as she did when she was first made. She complains perpetually. She often acts without ever thinking of a reaction. She is a smart ass.

But I trust her wholly and completely, and I would not have made it through the last century without her.

My Bonds: Little Lacey

@LaceyStripped

Most humans are bothersome, annoying breathers who take up space until their temporary, insignificant existences are extinguished. Many humans are for the most part, bearable, suitable company for a night here and there and welcome sources of nourishment, not truly valuable, but not awful to have around. Some humans are gifted, rare creatures who possess talents even my kind can covet, envy, and want for ourselves. And then still, there are some humans, possibly the most rare of all, who are simply, well...

Special.

I don't mean special in the way I refer to Roman Lucious as being special, of course, though humans are far too often that as well. No, Lacey Tackett is simply that unique, rare human with a distinctive spark all their own. Even a blind man could see it clearly. She was never like the others around her and I am sure the fates would agree with me fully when I say she never will be.

When I first met the diminutive Lacey, she was living with and loving a lion and that alone says a great deal about her. A Shifter of such magnitude would be difficult for even the best of us to control, but she wasn't remotely intimidated. Here she was, a human with no quirk, no gift, nothing particularly significant about her, yet in my mind, the Shifter, this being and creature of power, was always hers.

There was no question about it to me, she knew how to handle him.

To be honest, it is not like me to take much interest in the humans around me, and I wonder if Lacey would have fell to the wayside had she not taken such an interest in Nolan Ferrior, or Brier as he was called at the time. The Werepanther that was Fangtasia's bouncer and bonded to my child Pam and the exotic dancer dating a lion had struck up a bizarre but strong friendship. As it became increasingly clear I would be turning Nolan in order to save him, what was important to him was worthy of more of my attention, and once Lacey had my attention, well, she never lost it.

There was a courage in her that struck me immediately. Lacey did not hesitate to tell me exactly how much she was disappointed by Nolan's decision to turn, nor the circumstances that surrounded and led up to his demise. While she had to be incredibly aware I could be insulted by her thoughts on my child, my newborn, and her understanding of vampire relationships in general, she was never intimidated. Blunt and total honesty was what I quickly came to expect from Lacey Tackett, no glamor needed. And never any fear.

To Lacey, it was as if we were all simply... people. Some were dead, some spent their full moons with fleas, some were like her, others were not. I can't say I entirely agreed, feeling I am certainly superior to all other races that exist on this realm and others, but it was rare to find a human with such philosophy. I am used to humans throwing themselves at my feet because I am so superior and I am also used to humans hunting me because they believe me so inferior. But viewing me as if I were an equal? That was something I wasn't accustomed to. It was strange, it was bold, and I found myself able to respect her view, whether I agreed with it or not.

Naturally, I was not the only one who noticed this human was special.

My Deputy was quickly intrigued by Lacey, the signs were obvious even before he took her on a now infamous trip to the showers in the back of Fangtasia. Lacey became more important to me as their relationship flourished and unfolded in front of my eyes nightly. What is important to Roman will eternally be important to me, and as he bonded to the girl, Lacey became more than just my Deputy's newest toy and pet. She was an entity completely unto herself, one who stood on her own, but one who was entering a world she didn't truly know unprepared, but without hesitation.

Truthfully, she fascinated me.

There was a fight that emerged in Lacey almost immediately. Torn between her own ideals and expectations and those of the undead, every night I watched her learn and practice more acceptance and aplomb than most could ever achieve. There is much more to my business and the roll of my Deputy than simply helping to run a night club, but Lacey dove in head first. I watched her nurse wounds Roman never should have gotten in the first place. I watched her pity him, me, and others when we didn't truly deserve it. I watched her offer compassion none had earned. I watched her sacrifice her own blood and shed tears for causes that were never her own. I watched her give herself- her whole self and every part of her life- completely to a vampire unconditionally, who even I could debate perhaps wasn't worthy of such.

She loved him.

I think I knew such a thing for certain after being on the receiving end of a highly unfortunate poisoning. Trying to be myself while feeling and truly being weakened to such a degree was a near impossibility. Roman watched my struggle, he felt my distress and pain, and it tortured him as well. I needed blood, all vampires present could see such a thing, and that only made my position more vulnerable and volatile. Without hesitation, Roman stepped back to the booth I was sprawled in with Lacey at his side and offered me blood from his human.

Such a thing is, to say the least, taboo. Roman's claim on Lacey was complete with their bond and the AVL has put a great deal of pressure on all vampires not to pass our humans around like they're some kind of blood factory for the use of us and all our friends. What was more was the fact that I could tell by her reaction to my Deputy's words, he hadn't discussed such a thing with her before making the offer. My own hesitation to accept was reflected in her own hesitation to be bitten by or feed any other vampire but him.

But Roman was proud to have made me such an offer. It wasn't that he was giving up any claim on his human or that she was not important to him, it was simply that his Sheriff needed something his human could provide. I firmly believe Lacey saw the same thing in Roman's face that I myself did.

And just like that, she extended me her wrist, nodded, and asked me to do it.

It was never said, but to me, the sacrifice she made to me that night was not for my benefit, my health, or my preservation, though I am certain Lacey cared for me even then. No, it was a sacrifice of her very self, of her very core to another, made entirely for Roman.

Loyalty such as that is an extraordinary and rare gift all it's own, and I would never look at Lacey Tackett the same way from that night forward.

I, of course, went on to heal completely, and time went on, but Lacey became even more important to me. The relationship between my Deputy and Lacey was, at times, difficult for me to witness. I was confronted with things I didn't understand or was unwilling to think much on. If I am honest with myself now, I would say I was somewhat jealous of Roman. It was not that I desired Lacey, nor that I wanted her for myself, but I was not entirely certain he deserved her, something I pointed out on more than one occasion to him.

To me, Lacey was a kind of ideal. Her loyalty was unfathomable. She was so often selfless, both willing to spend night after night in a booth of Fangtasia or to fly across the country at the drop of a hat, whatever was demanded of her. She trusted the words of Roman and I and listened without hesitation to instruction. Our enemies were her own, without question. She was set on satisfying all of Roman's needs, whether they be sexual, nutritional, or merely her companionship, whenever he called upon her. Time and time again my Deputy strayed without apology, and Lacey turned a blind eye, forgiving without words of remorse being offered. When our duties took us away from those we held dear, she simply waited on our return, ready to tend to the vampire she had committed herself to in blood.

We're not meant to be loved, but she loved him. I could look in her eyes and see it.

Such humans are impossible to find and I wished such a thing for myself on more than one occasion. Roman had been fortunate enough to find this being of infinite, unlimited potential, and he was blind to it. Selectively blind, truly. Not a night goes by that I believe Roman didn't know what he had found, but he was frightened of it. He never confessed such a thing aloud, but I am certain of it all the same. In all his years, Roman had never bonded to a human before her, she opened so many doors and possibilities to him he hadn't even known existed, and he had gotten in over his head. He was uncertain, he didn't understand, and rather than explore it, he hid from it.

Without him ever having to explain it to me, I understood.

It wasn't easy for him to adjust to so much at one time. Since bonding to Lacey, he had explored bonds with other. They ripped at him and pulled him in opposite directions, a difficult thing to deal with when such a thing is new to a vampire. He was bonding deeply to Lacey and quickly at that. Every "feeling" Lacey had, he was inundated with. Feelings he had discarded himself seven hundred years ago were suddenly plaguing him at every turn. Every error he made in her own eyes, he felt. He was rapidly growing to rue their connection, just as we all can when so bonded to another.

I was concerned for the both of them. Roman was becoming a shell of himself, confused and miserable, and Lacey was grieving a love that wasn't what it had been or could be. I worried. I worried that a rare, extraordinary human of such loyalty would become jaded towards the undead she had embraced so wholly. I began looking at Lacey as more than just a loyal human. I saw in her the potential to be much more than that.

She was strong and fierce. She wasn't afraid. She didn't shy away from a fight. She knew what she wanted and little could deter her from getting it. She was passionate. She was intense. And of course, there was always that incredible loyalty of hers.

She would make an amazing vampire.

Again, thinking such a thing was a terrible taboo. Lacey was Roman's. Not only did I know such, but everyone knew such a thing. I had spoken to Roman about his history and was already well aware of the fact that he had never turned another. He feared doing such a thing. Some of us are Makers. Some of us never will be.

But here was this vessel of untapped potential. I began to consider all things fate had handed us since Lacey had first walked through the doors of Fangtasia. Roman hadn't found Lacey. I hadn't found Lacey. She had found us. This was her calling, her purpose. She was meant to join us, to be as we are, to exist in an eternal darkness, ageless and immortal. Her humanity was meant to be temporary and only pave the way to something far greater. And she wouldn't be just another vampire, not even close.

She was destined to be great.

And so I crossed a bridge without ever looking back. I offered to turn her and make her my child at any moment she so chose... and I did so without telling Roman, nor seeking his permission, approval, or consent of any kind.

Call it pride, call it stubbornness, call it knowing something special when I saw it, I don't regret making my offer. For as long as I walk this earth, I will never regret offering to turn Lacey.

Of course, I probably should have told Roman upon doing so, but it wasn't truly about him. He had a fear I understood, one I wanted him to confront, but one I don't think he'd ever have the courage to face when it came to Lacey. He could never take her life, not even temporarily, nor do I think he could ever stand to lose her completely through death as humankind tends to prepare itself for. My offer served purpose to each of us, whether we chose to see it or not.

As Roman and Lacey's relationship and dynamic seemed to further sour, it became even painful for those surrounding them. I knew things had reached a devastating low when I witnessed the Dark Prince give his blood to, bond to, and heal Lacey from unthinkable injuries because Roman was too focused on dismembering an already dead human to address the situation. When Lacey was shown more compassion by a vampire cop, myself, and fucking Dracula than she was by someone she was so deeply bonded to, things were unthinkably bad.

And though Roman struggled to admit such aloud, they both knew it.

My offer had sat on the table for some time without being called upon in any way, but I knew that would quickly change. Their connection was hurting them both, more so with each passing night, and so I invited Lacey to my home, once more, without informing Roman in any way. She renounced Roman's claim on her and with the extension of my bleeding wrist to her, I severed the bond that tormented them and made Lacey my own.

Of course, calling Lacey my human seems wrong, though it is my blood and our bond she is tied to. I have never attempted to control Lacey despite the fact that, because of our bond, it would be relatively easy to do so. Lacey is not meant to be controlled, nor tamed. With a clear mind absent of Roman's constant presence in her mind and body, I released her back into the world to do all the living she desired to before I finally silenced her heartbeat eternally. I watched her error, I watched her stumble. I watched her soar, I watched her best adversity time and time again. Each time, I let her choose her own path, good or bad, and I wait, ready to be called upon any time she needed guidance or advice.

Heartbeat or not, I'm already her Maker, and I'm already quite proud of her.

The fates are not through with her humanity, however, and neither is Roman Lucious. When Lacey finally decided it was time to end her existence, Roman stepped forward, making her question her decision. I am ultimately pleased he did. If I had been given the choice and freedom in when my life was taken from me as I have given Lacey, I would not have let even a shadow of a doubt linger in my mind. Lacey still looks at Roman with the love I recognized in her eyes the night she extended me her own wrist. She is not at all through with her humanity.

And now, she is set to be a mother, something that, in it's own way, saddens me. Though I am pleased Lacey will leave no stone unturned in her human life and will not have to look back centuries from now wondering what if, I can't help but rue the fact that she will not be made a vampire anytime soon. I simply can't turn her soon and rob an infant of a mother, just as my own children were robbed of a father. In addition to that, Roman has seemingly reopened his arms and his silent heart to Lacey and even her unborn child and I fear the bond I now share with her stands in their way.

I suppose death would be boring if you were prepared for what came next, but just this once, I truly wish I knew.

My Bonds: Because of Bianca

@BiancaNorthman

The crowd that had gathered was cultured but mundane, just as they always tended to be. A din of mindless chatter echoed through the hall as the humans used small talk as a transparent guise for showing off to one another. They were pathetic and obvious, trite and banal, boring and cliché. No matter how far I traveled, no matter what personality I took on in order to disguise my true nature, I was growing tired of the living. Having left Appius Livius Ocella centuries earlier and having had all my children thus far strike out on their own or meet a second death, I had been alone for some time. I could barely recall companionship.

As I listened to their superficial discussions and ridiculous gloating from an otherwise unoccupied corner of the room, I reminded myself that wasn't such an awful thing.

Of course, if I could admit it to myself, I was lonely. Once I had grown to accept my existence as a vampire, the idea of eternity was nothing short of appealing. Forever wasn't a moment too long. There was nothing I could not do, nothing I could not see. The world was mine to experience at my leisure. I had criss-crossed Asia, I had explored the Middle East. I had ventured to Africa and had seen things and creatures my wildest imagination could not have thought up on their own. I had left no stone unturned in Europe, experiencing the culture of countries I had never even reached in my raiding days.

And oh, how I had experienced the women each civilization had offered in such great quantity...

So how had I found myself in a stuffy hall on an island, unaccompanied and uninterested? Even my own mind struggled to understand it. In the back of my mind, I knew, but the truth left me feeling uncertain and confused. An existence spent in the darkness, constantly moving, forming no ties, and leaving no piece of myself behind was trying. No one I crossed paths with could recall my name, nor any events we perhaps had shared. It was the way things had to be. I was nothing more than a ghost, a pale figure who was out of place everywhere and with everyone.

While they could not recall me, I could not forget a single one of them. The absence each had left- the absence I had created myself out of necessity- was encompassing. I needed something solid, a foundation of sorts if only for my own sanity. It was ridiculous and I knew such. Even when I had been alive, I had traveled the world, my roots always at a distance so I could provide for my family and do what was expected of me. Yet here, after six hundred years, I desired some form of grounding. It was risky and I knew that, but it was what I had convinced myself I needed.

And so I had gone to England. Cities were still a relatively new thing. London was populous and flourishing, even after the sun set daily. My English at the time left much to be desired, but I could communicate well enough to hold conversation and provide myself with what I needed. I had been fortunate to find an elderly woman alone in the world shortly after my arrival to the city. It had been easy enough to end her suffering and take her place in society for myself, telling all curious parties I was the last of her relatives, a distant nephew who had traveled to England in order to attend to his beloved aunt's holdings after her unfortunate passing.

Humans are the real suckers.

It had been easy enough to secure one of the rooms in the house from light for my uses. The nosy neighbors quickly pretended I didn't exist outwardly because of my "scandalous" behavior. I was a "young" man, uninterested in courting any of the young women recommended to me, rejecting invitations for lunches and afternoon tea, coming and going all hours of the night... I was quite the topic of gossip when I wasn't being tossed judgmental expressions of complete disapproval.

If only they knew what I was up to all hours of the night...

I can recall those very thoughts going through my mind the moment she entered the room. The din that had encompassed the hall quieted for a moment as every set of eyes turned to the door, taking in the beauty that had passed through the threshold unaccompanied. My eyes were on her too, raking over every delicious curve of her body, only further accentuated in the corseted dress she wore that presented her to my lusty gaze like a buffet to a starving man. I had to will my fangs to keep from descending at the very sight of her. If I had been any younger, I doubt I would have succeeded.

Her name played through my ears, spoken by a shrill girl in a gaudy dress a color that made her look sickly. Clara. I repeated it silently in my mind while forcing myself to listen from across the room to their private words. The shrill girl was attempting to draw even more attention to this radiant specimen of humanity, belittling her for being without an escort to the evening's play. Clara laughed the words off, though a slight flush rose in her cheeks. Without hesitation, I was across the hall, thankful that for once, no one was looking at me to catch the unnatural speed I traveled with. Before the inane girl could even finish her next sentence, I was at Clara's elbow, offering her my arm and apologizing for my inexcusable tardiness.

There was a long moment's pause as Clara first looked to me, her face fluttering from annoyance to surprise to intrigue. I could feel the smirk tugging at my lips as yet another blush passed over her perfect features and she took my arm, playing along with my farce as if it were the truth the onlookers took it to be. I chanced a brief glance at the shrill girl as we passed her and could see the lust and jealousy in her eyes as she looked between Clara and I, and only found myself further amused.

I could tell the same was true for Clara.

As we settled into our seats for the performance- The Taming of the Shrew- my eyes refused to leave Clara. It was as if I was compelled to stare. I studied her face, memorizing her features. I studied her neck, my mouth nearly watering as I imagined sinking my fangs through the tender soft flesh of it. I studied the deep cut of her dress, shamelessly soaking up the ample cleavage on display without regard for how inappropriate such a thing was, especially at that time.

She noticed, but didn't stop me. Instead she only enticed me further with that blush of hers, an act that seemed to beg me to make her mine.

And that was certainly plan.

She was talkative. Despite the fact that I was a complete stranger to me, she spoke at once, explaining her history with the shrill girl, as well as other young women both present and absent that night. Confidence radiated off of her as she spoke of their jealousy and she could only be described as proud as she spoke of rejecting her suitors. She spoke of her own impeccable beauty, her education, her rebellious nature, and even returned my flirtatious, inappropriate words with ones of her own. Clara York was no normal human. I had never come across one quite like her before. She reminded me faintly of someone I knew extremely well.

She reminded me of myself.

While I was more than accustomed to casting a spell on humans, I was unfamiliar with the opposite being true. I paid no attention to the performance being acted out only a short distance away, I could only focus on the woman beside me. As the audience hushed to watch the actors recite their lines, I listened to her heartbeat in the quiet. It soothed me, it thrilled me. It mesmerized me, it tortured me.

I contemplated ending that beautiful sound.

As the audience erupted in applause, I lost it's rhythm, but I had not lost Clara's attentions. I knew the invitation was inappropriate, but I couldn't resist inviting her back to my dwelling. My intentions were clear, but instead of rejecting them as I had expected, she accepted with a telling smile on her lips. I was both surprised and further intrigued. It took a great deal of willpower to walk her to my home without stopping in the middle of the street in order to simply have her immediately. From the beating of her heart and the telling blush in her cheek as we practically ran up the steps to my door, she was as anxious as I was.

And nearly as soon as we were through the door and had it closed behind us, we were on one another. She was unquestionably a touch tentative and frightened, completely unfamiliar with everything she desired to surrender to me, but willing to learn. We tumbled into my bed and though she was a novice, she was a quick study. We worked together, we worked against one another, we refused to quit. We moaned, we cried out, we bled...

And as she rested, her breath short and labored, her warm body curled against my own refusing to release her fragile hold on me, I realized I had been thinking of "we" for most of our night together.

We. I am selfish and I am proud. Even then it was completely true. Thinking of another in such a way was nearly equating them to me. I could barely believe my own thoughts. I laid on my side, studying her, wondering if she would ever accept the thoughts that played through my mind. I watched the steady rise and fall of her chest, her eyelids fluttering as she fought exhaustion from ending our night together. Without a word spoken aloud, I was on her once more, but this time would be different. I did not fight my nature this time, not at all. My fangs sank through her skin and I drank. I drank as if I were a starved newborn who had never fed before. I drank quickly and greedily, without restraint. Her body weakened beneath me and her heartbeat quieted to dangerous levels.

Before I could even consider the ramifications of my actions, I was tearing into my own wrist and clamping it to her lips, forcing my blood into her mouth. She drank weakly, in a dazed confusion and stupor and I fed her until her body went limp and her heartbeat, the heartbeat that had enchanted me throughout the night, silenced eternally.

I laid beside her lifeless form as I healed, thinking over what I had just done. I had gone to London to ground myself, only to make another, something that would gain attention with impossible speed. Clara would be unpredictable upon rising and difficult to control. She had family nearby in the country, she had spoken of them during the play, and many had recognized her at the hall. Had I made an error? I didn't even truly consider such a thing. Clara felt right, she felt good.

And just like that, I wondered when I had begun feeling anything at all again.

I cleaned the blood from her face and body before covering her with the blankets of my bed. Dawn was quickly approaching, but I dressed and left my dwelling, traveling by only recalling vague descriptions and directions Clara had given earlier. I found the country home belonging to her grandparents and was unsurprised to find the aging couple awake, concern for their only granddaughter displacing any exhaustion they may have otherwise felt. I hadn't decided what I would say before I reached them. Truth be told, I intended on glamoring them until thoughts of Clara were nothing but a jumbled mess in their minds, but as they looked at me with both fear and hope unanticipated words came pouring from my mouth.

I told them I had met and fell in love completely with their granddaughter that very night, and she had fell in love with me. From the hall, we had run away and married, unwilling to let anyone stand in the way of our love. Clara was worried they would disapprove of her actions and couldn't bare to disappoint them as she was sure she had, but wanted them to know she was safe, and I wanted them to know she was safe, and that I would take care of her and care for her always.

I didn't know what love was. I could no longer recall the way it felt, or even be certain I had ever felt such a thing when alive, but the words flowed naturally from me, and as I looked at the aging couple, they appeared something equally unfamiliar to me.

They looked happy.

Not for the loss of their granddaughter. It was obvious to me they cared for her deeply, but they seemed relieved Clara had found someone to love and be loved by. In my head, I knew such was not the truth. She had foolishly submitted herself to a night of unbridled passion with a being of myth that had killed her and taken her away from everything she had ever known. She had been entranced by everything I was and am and had fallen into my trap just as a fly finds itself the prey of the spider. There is no spider as deadly as I am, however, and I had made her just as dangerous as me.

With their well wishes and blessings, along with some belongings of my new "wife," I made my way back to London and to my home as dawn approached. Three days and nights I stayed beside Clara, not leaving to even feed. I sat beside her throughout the night and lay with her during the day. The night she rose, I held her in my arms, attempting to soothe and quiet her mixture of confusion and concern. She adjusted and accepted quickly and really, it was only a matter of moments before I was pinned beneath her, the newborn picking up exactly where we had left off three nights earlier.

And that is only the beginning of our tale.

We moved on quickly. Clara was young and eager to explore her new existence, sometimes at the expense of those she had known and loathed when alive. Relocation to maintain our secret became necessary, and we posed quite naturally as a young married couple, which required her taking on my last name. Unpredictable as always, Clara decided to discard her first name as well to disassociate herself with the human she had been and instead adopted the name of a character in the play we had seen the night she died... Bianca.

Bianca Northman. There was something that seemed impossibly right about that alias.

I taught her everything I knew. We stayed in England for some time while I taught her all she would need to survive and more. I taught her languages I had learned throughout my travels, and when she mastered them, we took off to where they were spoken. Things that were old to me were new with someone at my side to share them with. Night after night we explored the world. She hunted at my side, she fought at my side. We shared lovers, we shared blood. Nights turned into years, years turned into decades, decades turned into centuries.

She met my Maker, she met my children who still existed. She met my children's children and reveled in their histories. She seemed content at my side, as if the fit was natural and meant to be.

And I grew tormented as I anticipated the night it would all end.

Bianca had stayed with me longer than I could have ever imagined the night I turned her. It was not that I wished her away, far from that. If I had, I would have ordered her from my side long before. No, I simply knew it would not last. No child is meant to stay with their Maker for so long. In fact, it is natural for a vampire to grow to loathe the one who brought them into this existence and has such limitless control over them. I had never bonded to another as deeply as I had Bianca. The very idea of feeling the loss I would feel once she struck out on her own was blindingly unsettling.

She seemed as happy as a vampire can ever claim to be. And I was entirely miserable by my own doing.

For a vampire who regrets so very little as I do, I regret the agony Bianca felt in those final years with me. I was restless and nervous. I know when she looked at me, she could only see pain... and I... I couldn't even speak to explain it.

And so, after nearly three hundred years of only a rare night spent apart, she left me.

I waited for her return foolishly for some time. In a way, I am relieved Bianca did not return to me then when I was so lost. She needed to exist on her own, free of me, free of my hold on her, and I needed such a thing for her. She deserved it. The world was hers to seize without the thought of another plaguing her mind, just as it had been mine to seize centuries earlier.

But for me, the loneliness was once more encompassing and more powerful than it had ever been before. A bond like ours... there is no hiding from. I felt her nightly and struggled with her successful existence apart from me. I had to close all connection to her as best I could to give her the freedom she had earned, but though she may have felt nothing from me, I could not shake thoughts of her. I returned to London once more, finding a small amount of solace in the familiar location, even though it was a very different place then. I had not been there for long when I found a human out after dark, attempting to sneak home without her absence being noted. She was easy to overpower and take, and three nights later, I had the ultimate distraction in Pam Ravenscroft.

With a newborn to teach and tame, my mind traveled to Bianca less. She was always there, inescapably so, but it grew easier every passing night. I took Pam to the New World and the unfathomable distance made my connection to Bianca even more difficult to focus on, much to my own relief. By the time Pam struck out on her own, I was the vampire I had been before Bianca had entered my undead existence.

At least, that is what I have always told myself.

I focused on new things. As one of the oldest vampires to have made the journey to the Americas, getting involved in politics was a natural thing for me. I was strong, intelligent, and had proven myself in battle many times over. I had already climbed the ladder of the vampire hierarchy significantly when I felt Bianca in the New World as well. Though I felt her near more than a few times and was certainly tempted, I resisted ever calling her to me. I made more vampire, I focused on making connections to and establishing relationships with other vampires of power. I moved frequently like all of my kind to avoid human suspicions.

I had settled in Louisiana a while before we "left our coffins" to the world at large. After we acknowledged our existence, I had little time to think of Bianca. Between building Fangtasia into a successful business and tending to Area Five matters, I had little time to myself, let alone to get lost in memories no doubt best forgotten. I called Pam back to me for aid, but I knew it was not enough. Responsibilities and obligations began outweighing all else in my existence. Stress was an overpowering, nightly thing. While I was certain my bonds felt such a thing, I never truly expected Bianca to return to me.

I never expected her to want to return to me.

I felt her nearness before she ever arrived, but when she walked through the doors of Fangtasia and looked straight to me, I still found myself unprepared and surprised. Nearly a century and a half later and it was as if no time had passed at all. Once more at my side, once more filling a void I care not to even acknowledge.

And I know she shouldn't be there and shouldn't want to be there and I know I shouldn't want her there. And I know I shouldn't feel what I feel, and I know it's dangerous and will be used against me. And I loathe her at my side, endangering herself needlessly and senselessly because of me, because of what I expose her to every night.

But having her anywhere else kills me.

What happens to human emotions when one becomes vampire? Do they disappear, decrease, twist in some way? Beyond hunger, lust, possessiveness, anger...what do vampires feel?

Whether we choose to admit such a thing or not, vampires are capable of feeling anything and everything a human feels. Good, bad, or somewhere in between, we are capable of it all. Do we all allow for ourselves to feel everything? No. Do some feelings become difficult to have over the course of time? Undoubtedly.

We often talk about letting our feelings die as we do, but truly, it's mostly in regard to feelings of guilt. A vampire cannot allow himself to feel guilt as a human would. It's simply impossible when we prey upon the very race we once belonged to for sustenance and for survival. We can't regret death, nor being a murderer, not when it means survival for ourselves. Do I regret things? As much as I would like to say I am without such a burden, I am not. Do I ever feel guilty for doing what I must to survive? Never.

And that's really what being a vampire is about. We feel and admit to feeling only what will help us survive and thrive in the world we find ourselves perpetually bound to. Feelings of affection, feelings that go deeper than lust, anger, annoyance... they are costly. They set a vampire up to put others before himself. They create vulnerabilities. When it only takes a moment of vulnerability to end our existence, is the price of feeling "love," "happiness," "compassion," or anything else worth second death?

Well, that is up to each vampire individually. To me, nothing is worth second death.

Do I remember clearly what feelings were like when I was alive? I remember feeling everything more. As it is now, my feelings are stunted and cautious. It is easy to feel mistrusting, suspicious, angry, enraged, and lustful. They keep me guarded and safe, whole, and still present. Am I capable of feeling more? I like to believe I am, but the risk of doing so is so undeniable, I do not know if I would ever allow for myself to do so even if the opportunity presented itself. And if I did, actually admitting to such aloud would be nearly unthinkable.

Ask a Viking vampire what inquiring minds wish to know

Do you believe that vampires can experience love as deeply as humans?

I don't think I actually believe vampires are capable of being loved or loving another. It's not in our nature to show the ultimate compassion towards another, and we learn from the night we first rise onward that the most important thing in this world is to protect our existence with all that we are. When you love someone, they become as important to you as yourself, and that's something risky, dangerous, and even foolish, and we know this. And when it comes to being loved, I have a difficult time believing any can look at us and see us as more than a dangerous being. I have heard vampires claim to love another and humans claim to love vampires, but I can't say I believe it is anything more than a brief relationship of convenience and companionship. Perhaps that is enough.

Ask a Viking vampire what inquiring minds wish to know

love and logic; do they attract or repel one another as concepts in your sphere of living.

Repel. When it comes to being a vampire, and a vampire that survives at that, logic must rule and love must be something left behind in one's mortal life.

Though I haven't known or experienced love firsthand in over a millenium's time, I can recall with complete clarity how complicated it is. When one knows and feels love, they begin putting others before themselves. They begin to know and practice self sacrifice. They begin to make foolish errors that jeopardize their very being.

While this is well and good for humans who's existences are fleeting at best to begin with, vampires cannot open themselves up to such disability. I learned very early on from my Maker the importance of preserving myself, of survival, of reason, and love is beyond all reason. I truly doubt both can be practiced at the same time.

Ask a Viking vampire what inquiring minds wish to know

Something Must Be Done About the Emopire

@RomanLucious has been annoying lately. It's not like I'm letting out any big secret by saying such a thing, I've made how annoying I have found his bout of "feelings" very well known to him. Between the end of his relationship with @FunSizeLT, the dissolution of their bond, and @sadiecartwright's pregnancy with demon spawn, he's been nearly intolerable. Don't get me wrong, I can accept a vampire being angry for no reason, snapping at anything and everything, and overall being a pain in the pale ass, but the Deputy is in the middle of something I can't really fathom. Is it possible the vampire actually found and lost love? Does he feel it for many? Or is he just using the whole thing as an excuse to bug me? I wouldn't put it past him. He'd do it just to piss me off. Know how I am so certain? Because I would do the exact same to him. I doubt I could be half as convincing. I'm just not an emotional vampire, thank the gods.


by Sadie Cartwright

Anyway, something must be done. I gave up @VaughnBrennan and handed him blindly over to @AppiusOcella in order to preserve his existence. I don't like the idea that I may have sacrificed a newborn, my blood, just for this vampire to face the sun or entangle himself too deeply with a demon, which seems likely enough to happen given his line of thought on all matters relating to @OseKobal. I don't like to worry, but I find that I am. Something really must be done... I just wish I knew what. Any ideas? Anything short of staking him myself or chaining him in silver to keep him from doing something more stupid than usual would certainly be welcomed...

hey, do you want sookie to fall in love with you? is that the challenge, or do you just want her for sex. and what happens when you're tired of her? are you just gonna toss her aside. maybe i can have her then *fang grin*

I highly doubt Sookie, or any other human for that matter, is capable of falling in love with me or any other vampire. In my experience, the living appreciate what they can get out of vampires and will embrace us for as long as it serves them purpose, but never truly love us.

Asking me what I intend on doing with Sookie when I have never had her and may never have her is somewhat a pointless inquiry. There are too many ifs in such a question for me to actually answer it remotely honestly.

Ask a Viking vampire what inquiring minds wish to know

Give me the names of people you love most and why?

This is quite a list, but I do not love. I don't believe vampires are capable of such a human emotion. I can offer a list of those I care for and why, however.

@BiancaNorthman - Bianca has been through more with me than any other could ever claim. She knows me nearly as well as I know myself. She means more to me than anyone and though I think a vampire's own self preservation is the most important thing in the world, I would give my eternity to spare hers if it was ever necessary.

@pamiravenscroft - Though Pam can drive me completely insane, she is my child, she is my blood, and I trust her with my unlife. She tries not to fail me and puts great effort into pleasing me. I would do most anything to help and protect her.

@VampNiklas and @TaliaPerrault - Niklas is my oldest surviving child, he is more like a son to me than any of the other vampires I have made over the course of time. Talia, who was turned only a year after Niklas, has always been like a daughter to me. Though it is hardly how one is supposed to feel for the vampires they make, they have always been such a thing to me.

@NolanFerrior - My newborn (who isn't actually my newborn any longer...) has been an ideal vampire who actually makes me very proud. He has an inordinate amount of loyalty to me and I have the same loyalty to him as well.

@LaylaDarshan - Layla is my human, I trust her, she's been there for me through unimaginable things. Most humans want to be taken care of by the undead, but Layla desires to take care of me and trusts me with her life unconditionally. It is a rare thing and something I value more than words can say.

@BarmaidSookie - I do not know why I care about the telepath. I find her frustrating and, more often than not, infuriating, but I know she trusts me, even if she insists to the contrary often.

@AbiStewart - I value Abigale a great deal. She's one of few humans who nearly unconditionally trusts the undead and treats vampires better than perhaps we deserve to be treated in general. I shared a great deal with her, I even find I miss her at times, so I cannot deny that I care for her.

@FunSizeLT - I don't think a day goes by that I am not thankful for and proud of Lacey. She treats vampires better than most I know, she sacrifices for them, cares for them, and even has been known to love them. She shares with them, but doesn't do so expecting things in return. She stands on her own, is fiercely loyal, and nearly always unafraid. I look forward to her being my child, if only because I know she will make me proud.

Ask a Viking vampire what inquiring minds wish to know

YOU DON'T LOVE SOOKIE? HOW COULD YOU NOT LOVE SOOKIE? YOU HAVE TO LOVE HER TO WANT TO HAVE SEX WITH HER DUHHHH! She's so not gonna go for you know ericc

-arches brow-

I do not know in what world you live in that wanting to fuck someone equates loving them, but you are clearly misinformed and living in a dream. Sex and love have little to do with one another in my opinion, and I am relatively certain most would agree with me on the matter.

If such a thing would prevent Sookie or anyone else I desire for that matter from having sex with me, so be it, because in my own experience, vampires are not capable of love, and others are not capable of truly loving us.

Ask a Viking vampire what inquiring minds wish to know