Where Has the Time Gone?

The sun has just set in Stockholm and I've risen to find my lover curled up beside me, eyes closed with a peaceful expression resting upon her face I have memorized with my fingertips and lips so many times over. The sweet, crisp smell of the winter wind coupled with the salty smell of the nearby sea clings to her skin from our adventures in the snow last night. I can barely concentrate on those when the scent of her blood and our sex still hangs so prevalent in the air, however. It takes a great amount of willpower for me to resist rousing her from her slumber in my favorite way, but my lover is exhausted. I can feel this threaded through our bond. So for now, I will let her sleep.

Truly, I can understand her exhaustion. The holiday season and all that has followed it since has been hectic with seldom a moment to spare. @BarmaidSookie and I have had little time to rest or relax, something neither her nor I will voice any word of complaint about. We have been surrounded by those we value and care for in the past days and nights, and I can feel that Sookie feels blessed for this. When my lover is in such spirits, I cannot help but smile myself.

It is, however, high time I take a moment to record these happenings. I have collected centuries worth of journals, each filled to the brim with my thoughts and memories, yet I cannot help but feel that even a thousand years from now, I will read the writings I make now most often, treasuring them above all others.

Sookie and all that she has given me truly has changed me.

Nothing could have been made more obvious after a night alone at her deteriorating farmhouse was interrupted by a very uninvited guest. When the knock came on the door, I thought little of it. Sookie is often visited by the residents of Bon Temps I can barely tolerate the presence of, but when she opened it and I heard the voice of the visitor from her kitchen, it was as if a fear I hadn’t known I had, had been realized.

I have done everything I could to keep Sookie from ever being forced to meet @AppiusOcella. Naturally, he went out of his way to demonstrate exactly why that was.

I could not immediately figure out what had prompted the visit, but the purpose became clear quickly enough. Appius was well aware of the pain I had experienced at the hands of the witches when @BarWithABite was burned. He knew my body was still not whole and I silently cursed the witches who tore through my flesh, leaving me to the pangs of regenerating it, and ultimately giving my Maker this opportunity to approach me and my human under the guise of a favor.

No matter what his words may have said, his true intentions were obvious. He was well aware of my lover and curious of her. It did not take long for him to acknowledge he has been involved with @ClaudeCrane, the fairy who is rapidly becoming a pain in my ass, though not in the way he would certainly choose to be. Sookie was as shocked by this news as I was, not to mention torn between being deeply concerned for her fairy kin and angry at him for speaking of her to a vampire who is undeniably a danger to her.

Appius did not stop there, naturally. He ordered me to feed from him to aid in my healing, and as an order from my Maker, I could not refuse it. The short trek between the chair I had been seated in and the feet of my Maker seemed impossibly long, and I could feel Sookie’s eyes on me as my fangs reluctantly sunk through his wrist and I drank of his ancient blood. The murmurings of approval he offered up as I consumed again of the blood that created me were made worse by the feelings of discomfort resonating through our bond from Sookie.

He was quick to leave, but not quick enough to spare me from feeling more disgusted in myself than I would ever normally allow.

I couldn’t speak a word to Sookie, not one, but she didn’t seem to desire my words or explanation either. There were so many feelings and emotions present that I knew were not my own, but I failed to recognize a single one of them. She immediately went to her phone, to call the fairy for answers, and I went to scrub away the feelings that consumed me in the shower. I went through all the hot water the farmhouse offered me and then some. I felt no cleaner when I exited than when I entered.

I didn’t speak upon emerging either. Sookie was exhausted, and simply asked that she be allowed to retire. I nodded my consent though I did not feel I deserved to hold her as she slumbered, even though she requested it. Until the dawn took me to my daily death, I thought of nothing but how I could possibly right the things between Sookie and I because of my Maker’s visit. There was so much I had never told her. There was so much I had never wanted to tell her. I knew that would be changing, whether I liked it or not.

Mostly, I did not.

Yet at the same time, I did. A piece of me, small, but present regardless, wants to share all I am and all I have ever been with my lover. It is so easy to give the pieces of myself to her that are “good” or “desirable,” but the things I regret, the things I choose to avoid any thought of myself, are much more difficult to unbury. Sookie has been a gift to me, one I know I have not earned and do not deserve, and a part of me is nearly certain I will lose her when she realizes such. Offering her the reasons to walk away seems foolish, yet doesn’t she deserve to know? Doesn’t she deserve to have these choices?

When I rose the following night, Sookie was ready to discuss everything we had avoided the previous night, even if I was reluctant to do so. I can deny her nothing though, and offered her what I could, and what she wished to know. I told her of the night my human life ended. I told her of what greeted me upon my first night as one of the undead. I told her of staking my brother, and the wrath I had incurred from Appius for doing so. Finally, I told her of the price I ultimately paid for such an act… and I could tell it broke her heart to hear it.

I try not to think of @VaughnBrennan and what I did to him, but Sookie wanted to know it all. Turning him as I did only to give him to Appius, knowing he would either meet a second, final death swiftly or be a prisoner at best, is something I struggle with nightly. Regularly, I wish my Maker would have ended him immediately. The loss of a child is damning and encompassing. The void it creates can never be filled, but at least a void is empty. The fact that Appius has not ended him has left me to feel Vaughn’s misery regularly. Each time, I am reminded of how carelessly I treated my blood- everything I am- by giving him to Appius.

Sookie insists I must see to his freedom from Appius. I do not know how I can possibly accomplish this, but I agree. Vaughn is my child, even if he has not seen me since the night he rose, even if he has been imprisoned for nearly a year because of my actions. I must find a way to right this. I cannot comprehend it, but Sookie has forgiven me for what I have done, or will completely if I am able to get Vaughn away from my Maker.

Truly, I do not deserve someone so abnormally good.

My lover and I celebrated the day of Jul the Christians stole from my people and now call Christmas alone together, which was exactly as it should have been. Between all the planning required for our trip to Sweden and the White Elephant party Sookie hosted, along with uninvited visitors creating tension between us, we required the time with one another and the simple peace we bring the other. I offered no words of protest over the many Christmas movies she desired to watch yet again, even if I have them reluctantly memorized from the first time she insisted we view them. I have come to the conclusion I regret not having had a taste of Rosemary Clooney during her White Christmas days, but I have wisely kept this thought to myself.

The night following our Christmas in Bon Temps, Sookie and I drove to Shreveport with Hundr in order to indulge in a holiday family dinner occurring at @VampyJo's residence. @AngeloSenior and his daughter, @GiannaVerdone were present, along with JoAnna’s siblings, @NandoYTM and @AutumnYTM, and, of course, @WereBabyLily. Autumn and JoAnna had concocted what I was told was an Italian meal for the humans, while the vampires present indulged in glass after glass of human blood. Though I knew nothing of the food the humans among us consumed, it smelled somewhat pleasing… with the exception being the garlic bread.

Sookie, thankfully, did not indulge in that.

It was an interesting dynamic at the table. I do not know JoAnna’s siblings as well as I possibly should, beyond the fact that her sister possesses a chest I wouldn’t mind ravaging if I was not so loyal to my lover, and that her brother seems to be attracted to me. Angelo and Gianna seem to be an extended family to the Livingstons, something I knew from our trip to New Jersey, but something I had not truly seen before that night. They are like one family. Things flowed naturally, with a mixture of rivalry and affection in the air, and of course, it’s fair share of cursing.

Gianna has requested that I allow Angelo to live with her, something that I think is a dreadful idea. I have only encountered her a handful of times since being burdened with the task of seeing to Angelo, but the few times have been enough to make me wonder how no one has ever drained her before. The girl is very attractive and apparently eager to have sex with me, but incredibly dim-witted and annoying. I can only imagine that if she were to live with her father, in a moment of newborn hunger, he’d drain the girl without second thought and not regret the silence such an act brought with it for some time.

Still, both she and the vampire insist they desire it. I cannot simply allow Angelo to roam far from me, not without disobeying Appius, something I am as incapable of doing as Angelo is. I have, however, agreed to look into realty in my neighborhood. Perhaps it is not unthinkable to secure the pair a home very nearby my own. At least it would keep Angelo from listening to Sookie and I fuck into the wee hours of the morning.

At one point in time, Sookie threw a shrimp at Gianna. I am not sure what custom this is or what it’s meaning is. I must remember to have Pam or Bianca look into it for me so I know when it is something I should do myself.

Sookie and I told JoAnna a little of the encounter we had had with Appius and about what he had said about Claude. The three of us share a fear that my Maker will end the fruity fairy and in doing so, bring on consequences all of us are unprepared for. Though JoAnna is too young to know of Niall and though Sookie has never met her ancient great-grandfather, I have encountered the fairy prince before, and know well enough the death of his grandson would lead to war.

What concerns me most about such a prospect is the idea that Sookie could be taken from me. Since learning of her fae heritage, I have fought back the feelings of foreboding that threaten to enter my thoughts whenever it or her kin are mentioned. Though my lover has always been, if anything, too kind and generous to those around her, the fairies she shares blood with are just the opposite. JoAnna and Sookie have agreed to pressure Claude to end the foolish relationship he is engaging in with Appius, and I am left only hoping that, for once, the fairy is reasonable.

But I do not truly think he is capable of such a thing.

The next night seemingly proved such. For @CalienteChloe’s birthday, @DavidCallum and @RyderWylde planned a surprise celebration at a Shreveport Mexican restaurant in her honor. Sookie and I went to offer our well wishes to the hot tamale, who I hadn’t spoken to for more than a minute since she literally kissed my ass on Father’s Day. Many familiar faces dotted the restaurant’s population… @JulesBonTemps, @Cathy_BT (who I spanked), @AbigaleDawson, @WereLee, @WereBraiden, @WereAsher, @TedtheFae, and Claude, among others.

Claude seemed to spend the whole party poofing from place to place, spending his time stalking the Lieutenant and @RylanParker equally. I ended up joining the Lieutenant in covering myself in lemon juice, much to Sookie’s disapproval, but with how much tequila the fairy (and others) were consuming, I wasn’t about to take any chances. Despite the fruity fairy doing what he does best in making every straight male in an given place incredibly uncomfortable, Sookie and I had an excellent time, and were able to catch up with many people we had not seen in some time. Seeing Chloe so happy was quite a treat as well, since she certainly hadn’t seemed such a thing when she had been locking her lips to my butt.

When another fairy poofed into the restaurant to deliver the cake and began stripping, Sookie became highly uncomfortable and we were forced to take our leave. I cannot help but be slightly pleased that the only male my lover seems to desire naked is me, not that anyone could ever blame her for such.

With any good fortune, I have ruined her for all other men.

The next night Sookie and I met with @pamiravenscroft, @LaceyTB, @NiftyJenny, Claude, and JoAnna to do some necessary shopping for our time in Sweden. Sookie didn’t seem to believe me that she needed warm clothes for our trip, but with the presence of her friends around her, she seemed slightly more willing to indulge in the spree she views as a chore. She fussed over every price tag, but finally managed to make a number of selections the others seemed to approve of. I certainly approved of her lingerie selection. Since we landed in Sweden, I’ve shredded through a good portion of it already.

She picked a dress for our bonding ceremony and insisted I do not peek. I haven’t, though I have been more than a little tempted. I have seen the shoes she will be wearing with it, and if the dress in any way coordinates, I am certain I will be pleased. While we were shopping, I had to sneak off at one point to pick out more pricy items I was certain she would require for the trip, knowing there was no way she would “allow” me to buy them for her if she was given the option of offering input. She has yet to open the garment bag they are in, but I am sure it is only a matter of time until she does. Hopefully.

It wasn’t all play before Sweden, however. Pam had informed me the humans we were holding prisoner in the basement of Fangtasia were causing her more than a fair share of problems, so @BiancaNorthman was called in to offer her expertise. If there is one thing Bianca is excellent at, it is making a human cooperate. She had an excellent time torturing @Witch_Madison as @AshleyDanielss watched on in terror. With her infliction of pain upon the young witch, Bianca was able to obtain the name of the ginger witch who attacked me… @BrodyKeyes. The Were in question she was less certain of, but after a great deal of blood and prodding, she offered up the name @WereHallow. Bianca extracted an address from the girl as well.

Between Bianca, Pam, and I, it was agreed upon that Madison should not be killed, no matter how tempting it was. Though I had been oblivious to such a thing before, Bianca confessed that her daytime human, @OscarBrooks, is a witch and that he had advised her Madison may be carrying a curse tied to her existence. We decided not to take the risk of unleashing something more upon us, and instead are taking small measures to keep the girl alive, though she barely is.

If she dies of natural causes and not by our hand, however, oh well.

Ashley, we determined, wasn’t truly involved with the witches. Or, at least, was not until locked in the basement with one for nearly two weeks. After a brief discussion, I agreed to glamor her and remove the memories of her time in Fangtasia from her head, along with any memory of the witch she had bonded with in her time there.

I had avoided telling Sookie anything about the prisoners. After she had discovered the purpose of Fangtasia’s basement when learning of @JustLafayette’s time there, I knew well enough it was a topic best avoided altogether. Much may have changed between the two of us since then, but I knew my compassionate lover would still struggle with accepting the measures I must take in order to keep my Area functioning safely and the vampires within it safe.

Before glamoring Ashley, however, I made the confession to her. Sookie was reluctant to join me in the journey the following night to the club to remove the girl’s memories, but she did so, for Ashley’s sake. My lover offered the starving and sick girl food, clothes, and medication while I systematically removed her happenings and replaced them with false memories of my own creation. The looks Sookie gave me could have killed…

Fortunately, death isn’t much of a concern for me.

She was even more reluctant to search Ashley’s thoughts once my glamoring was complete in order to ensure everything had gone according to plan, but my lover did it all the same. She refused to have sex with me that night, and instead made me watch another one of the movies she enjoys so much. Even a single night without her body connecting to mine is like torture. I am going to make a point of keeping business I believe she will disapprove of from her in the future.

Things took an unexpected turn from there in the nights that followed. After not hearing from him in some time, @RomanLucious contacted me, informing me he was in the kingdom of Mississippi to pick up money from the casino he and JoAnna own in Biloxi for Fangtasia’s new security system. Something was undeniably off about the tone of his text messages, but I believed it came from uneasiness he felt being in @VampKingRussell’s territory.

I was wrong.

Well, not entirely wrong. Russell did indeed seek out the Deputy while he was in Mississippi. When Roman returned to Louisiana, he informed me immediately of the ominous, bizarre behavior of the neighboring king, and even I was concerned. We both believe Russell is watching Louisiana, and that he has stationed vampires near our kingdoms’ borders to keep him informed if any Louisiana vampire should cross into his territory. The biker bar the Deputy frequents that lies near the border seems to contain a mole loyal to the Mississippi king. It will all take more looking into.

That wasn’t what seemed to truly be on the Deputy’s mind, however, concerning as it was. I knew something was amiss when one of Roman’s messages acknowledged that he would be spending his daytime death at Fangtasia. When I inquired why he would not return to his dwelling instead, he informed me he had no home to his name any longer.

I offered him a room in my house. Sookie does enjoy being a hostess, and I could not help but be curious as to why my Deputy would believe himself homeless. When he arrived on my doorstep, Roman’s eyes looked every bit their seven century age, and he walked as if the weight of the world was on his shoulders instead of only the weight of an overstuffed duffle bag.

I genuinely had not been prepared for the tale that met me. Though Roman had confessed to having lost his fairy when we spoke at the ball in New Orleans, I had not realized the silence that followed had been directly related to it. He could not protect her, and came to the realization that he could not protect @Baby_Abel either. With a heavy heart, he informed me he had asked @CowgirlVamp to become Abel’s permanent guardian, and asked her to protect and care for his adopted son as he found himself unable to.

I could feel just how much of a loss this was to the Deputy. I have long known of his desires to be a father, something he hadn’t had the privilege of knowing in his human life. He had plans for Abel once he had grown, hoping to one day turn him into his child for eternity. Even though I was less than approving of those plans in particular, I could hardly judge him. Not when I have done all the things I have done.

I could feel his despair through the bond we share, the bond that has made us brothers by choice. I decided to tell him about my true relationship to @VampNiklas, making it the first time I have admitted aloud our connection in seven hundred years time. The words were not easy for me to part with, perhaps because I have always gone out of my way to repress and deny them, and I myself could not stop the rare pangs of guilt and remorse that dotted my feelings at the recollection.

Roman was surprised, as I imagine most would be. I think, however, he understood. Abel may not be of Roman’s blood, but he will always be his son. Perhaps now was not the right time for him, perhaps these circumstances were not all he hoped them to be, but that does not mean it will not happen. A time may come when he is presented with an opportunity to become a Maker, or to once again adopt a child for his own. It may not be Abel, but the relationship he will share with him or her will be as important and significant. It will happen for him.

Whether he realizes it or not, he is a good vampire, with a good head upon his shoulders. One night, he will become a Maker, and he will be a good one. There are hurdles he must overcome, but he will. His hesitancy is all in his mind. I trust the confidence will come in time. He has it in him, he just must recognize it instead of only recognizing his own shortcomings.

He will be welcome to stay with Sookie and I for as long as he may require. It is not as if we do not have the room, and I imagine the Deputy needs the presence of others right now.

With the Deputy nearby, I was given the opportunity to update him on the situation with the witches, as well as my intention to bond to Sookie a third, irrevocable time. Confessing to him that I loved her seemed to catch him off guard, but I do believe he means it when he says he is happy for me. He both agreed to join us in Sweden, and set to work on getting the witches monitored by video feed we’re able to access even in Europe.

While Roman and I were working on checking the video feed of the address the witch called Madison supplied us with, Sookie hosted Lacey for the night. It was safe to say the Deputy hadn’t planned on running into her, but I believe it was a good thing that he did. My lover and I offered the two of them a chance to talk, something I am nearly positive they have not done since the night we felt our connections to Lacey severed. While they spoke, I phoned @QueenBlackwood both to inform her about my leave of absence and to tell her all Roman informed me of Russell. She agreed to make the journey from Las Vegas to Shreveport in order to watch Area Five and the kingdom of Louisiana, and brought with her @TigerLevy, her personal bodyguard, and @Tammyjo__, her liaison to the Were community. She shares many of the concerns Roman and I have about Edington’s interest in the state and will no doubt keep her eyes on Mississippi while there. I know the state and Area Five could not be in better hands during my absence.

It wasn’t all work before we left Shreveport, however. @Kayden_D had invited my lover and I to her impressive home, and Sookie and I were anxious to accept. Since my lover heard her sing at the Blood Ball, she has wanted the chance to meet the enigmatic songstress, and I knew she would not be disappointed. We were greeted immediately by Kayden’s butler, @ButlerChauncey, who is demon at least in part by the scent of him. He made Sookie undeniably nervous. It was quite precious.

We settled down in her sitting room and I was sorely tempted by the ball of yarn and knitting needles that rested in the middle of the coffee table. It seems Kayden had heard of my knitting talents and was eager to see if they were true. What can I say? When a woman has interest in watching me knit, I will knit, every time.

I had been eager for Sookie to meet Kayden if for no reason other than I knew the newborn vampire possesses extraordinary gifts, gifts she had had in life as well. Empathy, though not something normal (or perhaps even desirable) in the undead, is a powerful gift, and one Kayden was quite willing to speak about. She too had struggled with her ability to shield it when she was but a mortal, and explained that it was with the help of an old vampire that she became in better control of her talent.

The one thing I immediately took away from her words was that it was most easy to control once her heart no longer was beating. The fact that her gift hadn’t died with her is also most intriguing to me. It would be a lie to say in that moment, I did not look curiously at Sookie, wondering over what kind of vampire she would make. Death is not something that has been discussed between the two of us in depth, at least, not her own, but I cannot help but wonder. The idea of ever losing this rare and extraordinary woman is incomprehensible to me, but I do not know how she would feel about ever joining the race of beings she sees as so senselessly violent and too often unfeeling. My lover is compassionate, forgiving, kind, and sweet. These words simply do not describe vampires.

Perhaps it is something best never discussed with her. If I give her the opportunity to tell me she never wishes my existence for herself, she will be furious if I ever should bring her over. I do not want to imagine the wrath she would offer up in her newborn state. If I avoid the discussion altogether, there is always the chance when the time comes, it would be in my hands.

It is not something I wish to think about for many years to come. I enjoy my lover as a human. My existence is sustained on her blood alone. She is warm to my touch, soft, and perfect, just as she is. My attraction to other vampires has never been what it is to humans, so predicting whether I would desire her or whether she would desire me is impossible, but I still cannot help but wonder about what might be. My lover is an impressive telepath as she already is. Death and the power that goes with it could make her so much more.

When Kayden spoke of the limitations upon her gift, I noticed a discomfort from my lover that had me suspicious immediately. It seems that even in life, Kayden was able to occasionally influence the undead. When I asked Sookie whether or not she had ever read the thoughts of a vampire, she became highly agitated, denying that she had.

I wish I could have believed her.

Discussing it in front of Kayden was hardly appropriate, however, not when I was dreading the potentially dangerous truth of the matter myself. Instead we discussed Kayden’s adopted family, something else I was pleased Sookie could hear. She seemed fascinated by the connection the empath had chosen for herself, and I hope with it she opens her own mind to the rather untraditional family around her now. Really, I think she already has.

Sookie and I invited Kayden to a night at our home when she returns from her travels in France and England and when we return home from Sweden. Immediately I could see the cogs in my lover’s mind begin to turn as she began planning the event and who to invite. She really does enjoy doing such a thing.

When returned home, Sookie and I discussed whether or not she had heard vampire minds, and with a great deal of reluctance, she confessed she had been within the confines of my own mind on one occasion, the night I staked Longshadow.

This news was greatly unsettling. I can remember with total recall what I was thinking that night, and none of it would I have had Sookie hear if given any choice in the matter. Then, I had thought about how I could use her and her gift, I had thought about the measures I could take to ensure she did as I asked whether she wanted to or not. I had thought about taking her from @TruBloodBill, and I had thought about the ways in which I desired to make Fangtasia’s thief pay for what they had robbed me of.

I do not like the idea that my lover could know these things. She insists she did not read my thoughts, only get a sense of them, but she seemed to grasp easily enough that they were dark and twisted.

A vampire’s mind is sacred. It is the place most guarded and sacred. It contains our every secret, our every memory. Many of these things, I never want Sookie to know. Had I learned she had been privy to my thoughts before I had found love with her, I imagine I would have ended her. It would have been a shame to destroy something so desirable, but it would have been a necessary measure to ensure the confines of my mind remained mine alone.

I cannot help but fear if another vampire learns that, occasionally, she can glimpse into our heads, that they will be as compelled to end her as I would have been then. I have made her promise to never tell another, living or otherwise, but I fear that will not be enough. I intend on working with her on these shields Kayden spoke of, in order to guard her mind from invading what it should not. I must protect her. She is my everything.

After all, that is why we made this trip to Sweden. Every minute that passes, I grow closer to bonding a third, permanent time to my lover. I am nearly willing the moments to pass more quickly. I have told Sookie that to vampires, the two of us will be considered married, and that I will consider her my wife. She seems pleased by this, though there also seems to be an undertone of sadness I do not understand. I will figure it out, however. I care only about bringing my lover happiness. It is the least I can do when she has given me so much.

Roman, Lacey, @JackDanielsTB, @WestonTackett, @KristenFerrior_, @NolanFerrior_, Jenny, JoAnna, @were_lucian, Lily, Pam, Bianca, @LiamDelancy, @WaylonLee_, and Claude have all joined us here for the snow and celebration. Our bonding ceremony grows nearer by the minute, and I am pleased those gathered with us will be sharing it with Sookie and I. Tomorrow cannot get here soon enough. In a thousand years time, nothing has ever felt more right than this, now, with her.

My Bonds: Petulant Pam

@PamiRavenscroft

London was no good for me.

It was my first trip to the island nation since Bianca had left me- since I had forced Bianca to leave me- and I went to it seeking some kind of solace. I knew at once it had been a foolish thing for me to do. In the centuries it had been since I had prowled the streets nightly for my dinner and entertainment, the city had changed a great deal. A world that had been familiar to me had evolved. Even the house I had resided quietly in had been demolished and built over. I sought comfort, but only found myself reminded everything was different now.

Everything, that is, except me.

I don’t know that that is something a vampire ever comes to accept. In moments of quiet, it is so easy for one to think back and remember what we have done and where we have come from. Those memories are all that remain, however. The people die, the landscape changes, the world evolves, history moves on, yet we linger.

To say that it’s depressing could be quite the understatement.

I had been fortunate for the few centuries before then to spend little time in the confines of my tortured mind. Existence with Bianca had kept me busy and entertained. As she experienced the world as a young vampire, I felt it all through her eyes. I reserved very little time to dwell on my past and only let myself look forward to a future that would never end.

Until the end. The despair I had felt when reminding myself that my child would come to leave me was encompassing. I had forced her away with my self-induced misery, but it was necessary and right. Unfortunately, it left me with a mind clouded by and consumed with gloom. I had always been independent, but now I felt more alone than ever. Women were more than willing to forego their chastity for a night with me, but none of them were special, least of all to me, and when I sent them on their ways, I always felt more alone than I had even before their arrival.

I wanted to leave London. I wanted to leave and to never return to the damned city with its memories I no longer wanted. It panged me to be there.

Yet, for the death of me, I couldn’t bring myself to depart.

I couldn’t figure out why I stayed. It was as if I was determined to punish myself, a masochistic nature developing because I wanted or needed to be miserable. I was well aware of what I was doing, and I hated it. I felt as if I was not much more than a shadow of the vampire I once was. It was inexcusable. It had to change. I wanted nothing more than to change it.

But I just couldn’t leave London.

Looking back, I wonder if it was the fates that kept me there, because truly, I was rewarded for my suffering. I can recall the night in question with complete clarity now, over a century later, as if it was only last night.

Hunting had grown easier in the time I had been away. London was more populous than ever and there was no shortage of humans to be found after darkness fell. While the other vampires I crossed paths with in London had been happy to feast upon and end the limitless vagrants, whores, and street urchins who were so easy to find in the darkened alleys of the city, I had a taste for finer things.

Parks had become my chosen haunts. Once night fell, the severely understaffed London law enforcement had their hands full with the human creatures of the underworld to properly keep an eye on such “safe” locations. Of course, I had to avoid killing my prey to keep things that way, and with my mood at the time, it was difficult, but the rewards of keeping my resolve always paid off. The humans I could find strolling the well groomed lawns were always cleaner and more appealing than other available options. I could manage restraining myself for that luxury.

The sun had been set for a relatively short time when I headed out to find my dinner for the night. My meal was unremarkable and dull. Dessert was something else entirely.

I had been on my way back to the place I spent my daytime hours when I happened upon a curious sight. A young woman, dressed in her finest, was attempting to crawl down the side of a stately home from an open window… poorly. She was uncoordinated and overall a foolish sight, but the girl was oblivious to her own ridiculousness. She perpetually wore a devilish smile as she descended her home, a light trickle of nearly silent laughter leaving her rosy lips at regular intervals. She was being rebellious and doing something she ought not have, that much was clear.

I couldn’t help but be curious.

And so, I chose to follow her.

Once she reached the ground beneath her, she took off in what must have been a run for her, heading to destinations unknown. I followed her easily, keeping a safe distance behind her and in the shadows at all times. She ran only a short time before I saw what she was headed for.

A young man, only a few years her senior, stood alone beneath a tree, his eyes searching the darkness for the signs of someone. I saw him long before the woman did, but I knew the moment her poor, human eyes fell on him. The sharp, exhilarated intake of breath she took was not missed by my ancient ears.

When she reached him, they embraced. She clung to him and he held her close. They exchanged quick, boring kisses while I studied the pair unblinkingly. Their whispered words were heard clearly by my ears. They were young, they were in love, but it was not to be.

The woman- her name was Pamela- did more talking than the male. It was through her words I learned the basic nature of their situation. Her parents didn’t deem the man acceptable for her, but she wanted no other. She loved him, she was so certain of it. She would give up anything for him. He was worth sneaking out of her family home to meet since they were able to see one another so seldom. He would be leaving the home he was staying at soon, and she feared they would not see one another again.

This human woman intrigued me. She was young and beautiful. In the moonlight, her blonde hair shined and her face was flush with excitement and intensity. Her eyes glistened with unshed tears as she spoke of their inevitable departure. She was so vulnerable and fragile and so passionately in love.

I couldn’t truly tell if the man returned her affections as deeply. I had spent centuries studying human behavior, reading the smallest of gestures and hearing the unspoken words to keep myself safe and knowing more than my prey could ever dream. The woman’s love for this man was obvious, but he was restrained, almost distant. I doubt she noticed, too blinded by her own emotions, but I did.

What a stupid human. Any man would be fortunate to have a woman so loyal and so willing to love him completely.

And as soon as the thought entered my head, I thought of myself and the child who had just left me. Had I been foolish in pushing her away? No, I couldn’t think like that. She hadn’t loved me and I am not capable of love. Bianca was so like me in every way, I found it impossible to believe she was anymore capable of such affection than I was.

But this creature in front of me could love, and did.

The voyeur in me was disappointed when the pair parted ways after only a dozen kisses and embraces, but my disappointment was short-lived. The woman began her trail back to the dwelling she had left, the man going in the opposite direction to a home up the road, not even bothering to escort his “love” to make sure she made it home safely.

And she wouldn’t make it home safely. I’d be seeing to that personally.

She was heading towards me languidly, not running home in the way she had left it and instead strolling along blissfully unaware of the monster who lurked nearby. It allowed me time to think and consider what I would do.

Already I had fed for the night. Spoiling this woman’s porcelain skin for nothing more than a taste would be such a waste. I wanted to fuck her, to see if she would look at me the way she had looked at her suitor, but her home was simply too close. If it was noticed she was missing, she would be searched for. I couldn’t risk being discovered screwing her amid her home’s garden flowers.

I was running out of options, and more than that, I was running out of time with every lazy step she took back towards her house.

I hadn’t thought about making another vampire again, really. Bianca and I hadn’t been parted for nearly as long as it felt we had to me. I had no real desire to go through the ordeal of training and preparing another child for an eternal existence.

But I weighed my options all the same.

A distraction would be good. Newborns were such a handful, I would have little time to let my mind wander to the darker places they had been frequenting so often. I was lonely. I hated admitting such a thing to myself, but I was. Having someone who needed me in order to survive would be invaluable. I would have someone to talk to, someone to talk to me, someone to hunt with, someone to teach. Companionship at such a time was more than a little appealing.

And what did she have to lose? She didn’t enjoy life with her family, that much was obvious. If she truly did, she wouldn’t have disobeyed them nor snuck away from them of her own freewill. The man she loved would be leaving. She would be doomed to an unhappy future, one that would involve marrying a suitor she didn’t care for, and having a life wished upon her instead of one she chose. I wouldn’t let her choose whether or not to die, but I would give her freedom in time to do whatever she pleased. I am not an overbearing Maker. She would choose her fate.

And so I stepped in front of her, blocking the path she took.

She froze mid-step, her eyes slowly lifting to meet my own with only the moonlight for her to see them in. She was stunned, almost amusedly so, even before I glamored her easily into an agreeable and necessary silence. The only time she spoke was when I told her to invite me into her home that stood so nearby, and then they were whispered words spoken as if from a distance. My arms wrapped around her warm frame, supporting her as her neck lolled to the side on my whispered command.

With no further hesitation or thought, my fangs pierced her tender flesh, and I drank.

Only the racing of her heartbeat gave away her fear as I fed. She remained silent and obedient… and it was probably the last time Pam was ever silent and obedient. Looking back, I probably should have enjoyed it more for those few, very brief moments it lasted.

I fed quickly. I didn’t take the time to enjoy the warm elixir that was her blood as it ran down my throat. I didn’t want to prolong any suffering as she met her human end. The strength of her heartbeat weakened as her body was drained of its essence, and when I could tell it would give out at any moment, I lifted her, flying up to the window I had witnessed her crawl through earlier in the night.

I laid her spent body in the bed I found there. Her eyes were closed, but I could hear the weak resolve of her heart as it attempted to carry on despite my assault. I knelt by her bed before my fangs sank into my wrist, and easily, I fed it to her mouth. She swallowed weakly, choking on the foreign substance being forced upon her, but as I felt my blood begin to work it’s way through her system, I knew it had done it’s job.

The wound my fangs had created upon her neck sealed over and I listened in the stillness of the room for her heartbeat to fade entirely. It was only a minute before her body was limp and lifeless on the bed. I hastily cleaned the blood from her mouth and neck, erasing the evidence of our exchange and found myself relieved I hadn’t made a mess of her clothes when feeding. She looked pristine despite being dead. That was perfect.

As quickly as I had entered it, I left through the window, leaving it as open as she had. I knew little of human medicine, nor diseases they suffered from, but could recall from my own mortal life that it did not take much for infection to take someone, and quickly at that. I knew she would be discovered by her family shortly after the sun rose and laid to rest quickly.

I was simply left to wait.

I spent the three nights of her limbo preparing. I kept an eye on the house of her family and was able to find her grave shortly after it was dug. I gathered and packed my belongings, preparing to leave when my newborn rose. I would be leaving London now. There would be no way around it.

And I was relieved.

On the third night, I didn’t bother feeding when the sun slipped below the horizon and instead headed to the fresh plot I knew she was resting in. I dug into the recently churned earth swiftly, making short work of what had no doubt taken humans hours to accomplish. By the time I reached the box she was kept in, I knew she hadn’t risen yet, but it was only a moment more before her eyes opened and looked at me, her confusion and shock obvious and appropriate.

I held her. I had held her only briefly the night I took her, but it was different now. Her body was colder, her movements more quiet. She never fought my grasp of her and she listened to my explanation without interruption. We couldn’t linger though, and quickly, I replaced the earth in her now empty grave as she adjusted to the world through unclouded eyes.

The quiet, curious, reserved child somehow vanished by the time I was through filling the earth once more.

Pam was nearly unbridled. I had been a Maker only a few times before, but never had I created such a feral thing. She took to hunting immediately, making a mess of herself, the humans she quickly ended, and often of me as well. She always mourned her clothes once they were too stained in blood to save, but refused to cease playing with her food in order to spare them.

I introduced Pam to sex. It hadn’t been my intention on engaging in a sexual relationship with one of my children so soon after such a thing had ended, but it happened all the same. Pam was adventurous and newborns are so free, curious, and spirited, I found myself repeatedly falling into bed with her. Her tastes varied on a nightly basis, and more often than not I was simply left watching in amusement.

We left London, naturally, though we stayed in England for some time. I told myself it was for Pam’s benefit, to keep her in a place that was at least familiar, but perhaps I was unwilling to entirely close the door. For ten years, we wandered through the north before finally returning to the city Pam had resided in and the city that haunted me.

Our time back was brief. The New World was calling to me just as it was so many then. People were making the passage across the Atlantic on a more regular basis and the appeal of land I had never before explored was too tempting to resist. I was finally ready to close all previous chapters and move forward, starting afresh, starting new in a place without memories to burden me of things past. Pam and I found passage on a ship and fed sparingly throughout the journey, and before long, we were in America.

We chose not to stay together, however. It wasn’t that I believed Pam was eager to leave me, nor that I thought she wouldn’t have stayed with me if I asked it of her. We got along brilliantly, despite the fact that I was, in her words, bossy, and she was, in my words, a spoiled and lazy pain in the ass. Still, she was nothing if not loyal, and I trusted her as I’ve trusted few in my long existence.

The New World and it’s mysteries was for each of us to experience for ourselves, however. We kept in touch often, crossing the land that laid between us easily, though many humans perished making similar journeys themselves. We functioned with a natural ease.

Our relationship ceased to be one of Maker and child. Despite distance, Pam had become my closest friend. She was crude, sarcastic, annoying, demanding, and judgmental, but I can’t imagine my existence without her. As methods of communication evolved with superior technology, we were capable of keeping in touch more easily, and we spoke often, though we were living vastly different lives.

I had settled into politics with ease and Pam couldn’t comprehend why I had bothered. Though she was determined I could be a King, she had no motivation for such time consuming things herself. She was one of few vampires inhabiting the northern Midwest whereas I preferred staying in the South. When we first began discussing the idea of the Great Revelation, I contacted Pam for her input and thoughts.

So, it was completely natural that once we “left the coffins,” Pam was the first vampire I contacted. The idea to open a nightclub had been one I had mulled over since before we made our announcement to the world at large, when it was finally a possibility, there was no other I could see making the venture with me.

And Pam didn’t have to be asked twice.

I never ordered her back. The idea didn’t even cross my mind. Pam and I simply function too well together to deny. Fangtasia is as much her baby as it is mine. As much as she complains about the work, the humans, the Kingdom of Louisiana, and the attire the club requires of her, I know she wouldn’t choose existing without it anymore.

Pam makes decisions I can’t and don’t always approve of. She errors as much now as she did when she was first made. She complains perpetually. She often acts without ever thinking of a reaction. She is a smart ass.

But I trust her wholly and completely, and I would not have made it through the last century without her.

It Doesn't Make Your Crap Stink Less

Today is a sad day in the world of Twitter True Blood. The retirement of @SookieBonTemps and @LafayetteTB was entirely a surprise to me, as it was to many within the RP community that has grown and flourished on Twitter. I can only applaud both their work, work no one who RP's on Twitter can claim not to have been inspired by. The reason we have found an RP home and outlet on Twitter can be credited to them and their dedication to taking on characters we all know and love and bringing them to a world of 140 character limitations. They did so before it was popular, they did so without expecting anything in return. Their massive following, the recognition, and the support they EARNED throughout their time was the reward for their efforts, and I commend them and respect them infinitely for what they accomplished.

With this unexpected retirement, it's not a surprise the community at large is reeling, searching desperately for answers and explanations for what's happening. Fingers are being pointed, the past is being dredged up, and matters surrounding me have been pulled up to the surface and questioned. To be honest, I don't like it. I keep my personal, out-of-character drama to myself. The events and things being pulled up involve things that happened months ago, but since many people outside the situation are speaking of it and throwing around their theories, I feel it's only right to speak for myself.

A few months ago, I was approached by @Sookie_BT about playing the Eric to her Sookie in a group called TrueBlood On Twitter. At the time, she had an Eric, and I had a Sookie (@BarmaidSookie). It's no secret I am very involved in the @YieldtoMe group, especially since I'm technically it's founder, though I never initially planned on bringing it to Twitter. The person who plays @BarmaidSookie is my girlfriend, but she plays numerous characters on Twitter within my group. Sookie is a demanding character, one that takes up a lot of Tweeting time to be done properly, and we decided if she gave up playing @BarmaidSookie, that she could have a lot more time to focus on her other characters.

I spoke to other members of my group before finally getting back to @Sookie_BT. I made it clear I was an all-or-nothing deal. I would willingly replace her Eric and join her group if my partners came with me. I play a more canon Eric than one based on Alan Ball's creation. I didn't want to give up my Maker, my original-character children, my bonds, my daytime person, etc. I had spent months (half a year or more) building my character's story on Twitter with the rest of the YTM cast who had become friends both in and out of character. I was unwilling to trash that and them for a new group (one that was honestly just starting). Sookie understood and agreed to all my requests, and thus, @SheriffNorthman and the rest of my YTM crew became a part of True Blood on Twitter.

Shortly into things, I knew this would not be something that worked for very long because it wasn't me. I am more than willing to shoulder my blame in this whole fiasco. While I enjoyed a great deal of what we did while I was a part of the group, I was told during the True Blood season, entire segments of True Blood would be Tweeted as sketches. That is NOT me. I RP to press myself creatively, not to recite another's work. The "Twittersode" performed while I was a member of the group involving the Magister punishing Bill for negligence with Jessica was written by me. THAT is why I Tweet... to write my own stuff, to take a character I love and give him his own life (or unlife as the case may be).

Let me be clear, I'm not criticizing anyone. It just wasn't and isn't my thing, and I started to wonder if I had made a wise decision joining the group. Long before I left, I spoke frequently to @RomanLucious (who was playing the group's Bill at the time) and @BiancaNorthman (also @BarmaidSookie) questioning whether or not our style really fit in with the group we had taken on. I knew the main @SookieBonTemps cast had a tendency to do the True Blood episodes on Thursdays (though I only followed Lafayette and Pam of that group at the time). I worried we would be stepping on toes or fighting for the same audience. It was a strange predicament for a guy who's written his own, original material for as long as he's RP'ed to be in. I think my discomfort leaked into my Tweeting. I enjoyed what I was doing less as I worried about what the new season of True Blood would hold and who I would piss off by doing it.

Things only became worse for me personally as I was regularly told by the other, original members of the group that "HBO was watching us." I said it the fateful night I quit and still say it today. I don't care about RP'ing for "fame." I'm not RP'ing for HBO, nor am I RP'ing to have more followers than X character. I'm not looking for Facebook fame, it doesn't matter to me. I want my RP to be fun, something my friends and I can enjoy. Every follower I have, I am flattered by. If anyone else wants to read what I produce on a nightly basis, I'm honored, but I don't do it for anyone but me. The same was true for the other members of YTM. The fit wasn't good.

I was hospitalized after a pancreatic infection. It was a very, very scary event for me and my family, terrifying actually. I wasn't anywhere near Twitter while this was going on, obviously. I was barely conscious through much of it, but while I was gone, there was an implosion of both YTM and True Blood on Twitter. The Pam that is "mine," from YTM, @pamiravenscroft, was, in a way (intentionally or unintentionally, I won't get into) replaced for another. Anyone who knows me at all knows my Pam and I have a lengthy history. She's RP'ed with me for as long as I've RP'ed, six long years, and is a dear friend in and out of character. Pam was upset, she began RP'ing with @SookieYTM since she had essentially been cut out of my story.

When I was released from the hospital, I was asked to make my severance from Pam official. After much debate, I decided to quit. With @RomanLucious' blessing and full support, I quit for Bill as well. When it came to choosing between "HBO watching me" and my time-trusted friends, the choice was easy to make. We were already a poor fit, it was a final nail in the coffin (and I swear, that's not a vampire pun). I would rather RP nightly with a dozen people I consider both in character and out of character friends than have a hundred strangers applauding me for doing someone else's work. I will make that choice every single time. I didn't "fire" anyone from YTM either. No one was kicked out. I simply left the additional group I had joined (as did Kaleb).

After I left, I did a lot of thinking. I started following the main, @SookieBonTemps crew, to show I wasn't in any kind of competition. The whole time before, that's what I felt I was in, like I was competing for followers, for attention, for glory the very idea of is really ridiculous. Though I doubt any even realized I followed them or cared, I felt it was something I had to do. I hated the idea that something we all loved could be any kind of competition. The Twitterverse was and is big enough for us all, and I didn't like feeling like I had taken part in anything that implied otherwise. The feeling may very well have all been in my head, but it was how I felt.

I don't have an ounce of contempt for the TrueBlood on Twitter group, not toward a single one of them. When Eric and Bill were recast after our departure, I was not bothered. After all, I quit. What they do is just not what I do and for me to have continued doing it would have felt phony and wrong... TO ME. When I left, I wished them the best of luck, and I meant that. I still wish them luck. I regret that other Twitter groups out there were disrupted after I quit, but I had nothing to do with that. I wasn't replaced without my consent, I wasn't a victim, nor was I victimized. I don't know if all other members of YTM would claim the same, but that is where I stand. I've never mentioned any of the above before because I don't feel wronged, and actually dislike that I'm being labeled as having been wronged. If anything, I feel I wronged others and made an effort immediately following to correct that.

I hope the drama because of the sudden retirement of others quickly dies down, and that my own name is taken out of it. While I appreciate that there are others out there offering support, I'm not the one who should be supported. I'm not upset, I wasn't upset then, or I probably would have addressed it. I don't hold anything against @Sookie_BT or other members of her group who were there at the time I was. I really don't need anyone starting to say that I do.

Please remember, Twitter is a big place and there is enough room for all of us. Originality isn't a disease, there is no such thing as Twitter fame, and even if there was, it doesn't make your crap stink less. RP how you want, with who you want, so it makes you happy. When we turn this all into a competition of characters and websites, when we steal from one another, when we reward or condemn those who don't deserve it, we're only really ruining it for ourselves.

how did you become sheriff of area five? what makes you qualified to be sheriff? do you hope to someday be king, like stan?

I became Sheriff of Area Five by spending centuries working my way through the vampire hierarchy. I proved myself as a warrior, as a Maker, as a leader, and as a tactician. I devoted time and energy to establishing alliances with other political minded vampires. I shed blood for my kind, I took my beatings, and I never complained.

Shortly after turning @pamiravenscroft, I made the journey with her to the New World which was far from an easy venture at the time for a vampire. Few of the undead called America home, and I was one of the oldest. In a time when the world was less than vampire accommodating, I had survived and proved my tenacity. My knowledge and experience was valued, and I was given the chance to prove I had what it takes to possess such a position of power.

Not even close to all Sheriffs are my age. In fact, I am considerably older than many of the Kings and Queens in various territories. One day, I aspire to be a King. My children often remind me that if I ever intend on becoming such a thing, I must learn to better control myself, more particularly, my temper, but I believe it will happen when the time is right.

Ask a Viking vampire what inquiring minds wish to know

From the Human in @SheriffNorthman's Head

I do my best never to go out of character during my RP'ing (roleplaying for those clueless on the lingo) on Twitter. In fact, I take great care in making certain that Eric only rises once the sun is set wherever he may be at any point in time and safely tucked away for the day by the time the sun rises. I keep personal tweets out of the stream as often as possible, and keep all of my out of character notes, plotting, and real-life Tweets on my personal account (@DamnTrees), so I never take away from the story me and my fellow RP'ers are telling. I have nothing but respect for the character that is Eric Northman. I've been fascinated with him and by him since first reading the Southern Vampire Mysteries two years ago. I've been RP'ing as him ever since then, first, on various message boards, before finally coming to Twitter in October of 2009.

I've been RP'ing in general for over five years now. I started while an undergraduate in college, and did it all through graduate school. I've since entered the real world, and find RP'ing to be my one creative outlet in my world otherwise full of facts, figures, and left-brained thinking. Many of my closest friends, family, and colleagues are completely unaware of my nightly writing addiction, though I'm not remotely ashamed of it in any way. RP'ing is simply my escape, my chance to get away from the issues and the negatives of the "real world" and to just enjoy myself. I hope that as I write and find my fun in doing so, others are able to find some kind of enjoyment in it as well, but at the end of the day, I do it because I love to do it. Whether anyone ever reads a single thing I say or not doesn't truly matter. I'm telling my story and enjoying doing so every step of the way.

I realize not everyone who reads this blog post is going to like what I have to say. I realize that some people may very well cease to follow me. I realize that some people may very well block me. I realize that some people may leave rather harsh comments after this post. I realize that I may be trashed in the Twitter stream by others, directly or through vague yet pointed comments. That's okay. If any of the above happens, I will not point it out. I will not delete negative thoughts. I will not start a stream war. I won't tell all my friends and have them fight a battle for me. That's just really not my style, never has been, and never will be. I'm putting my thoughts out here for the world, and completely respect that others may not agree with them, or may be offended by them. I respect your right to feel however you may choose to feel.

Especially because this post is ultimately about just that. Respect.

I really don't think there's enough of it out there, which in a lot of ways simply baffles me. The internet is an amazing thing, bringing together people of all ages, races, genders, sexual preferences, religions, backgrounds, upbringings, political beliefs, etc. The list goes on and on. I'm 25 years old, the only son of a Pentecostal pastor and a psychologist. I'm a business consultant, a recent college graduate, an uncle, a brother, a boyfriend to an amazing girl, born and raised in Wisconsin, and do you know what? None of that matters the moment I open up my laptop and get online. When I get on Twitter, I get to be a thousand year old Viking with a penchant for battle and big-breasted telepaths, and I love it. I team up with other people, each who have their own real lives and crazy existences they check at the door the moment they log in, and we have ourselves one hell of a time.

Lately though, I can't say we've been having the fun we've all been set on, however, and no one thinks that's more unfortunate than me. I'm not going to speak for anyone but myself in this though, and haven't run this post by anyone else. This is purely me... my feelings and thoughts, and I hope no one else is held responsible for them.

I don't know if it's the anonymity of being online that leaves people believing their entitled to be hypocritical, cruel, disrespectful, and downright mean to one another, but I see it happening more and more, and I don't think it's possible to find anything more sad. Behind every character out there is a real person, a person who's anxious to escape from whatever situation they're in, and no one has the right to take that away from them. In this day and age, I would hope people would know that wars of words are no better than wars fought with guns and bombs. They're not more civilized, they're not intellectual. Do not kid yourself and believe that if you trash someone else by wrapping your insults in colorful vernacular that it's somehow more respectable, profound, or mature than another using juvenile school yard insults. It's not. And no one is fooled.

Fighting online, for whatever reason, isn't the "in thing" to do. Trying to make mutual acquaintances pick sides isn't behaving like an adult. Lumping in others with one you have a problem with is not mature. Doing any of the above may get you attention, it may have people frantically DM'ing one another or rushing to their messenger services to hear the latest gossip, and you know what? You may have the spotlight for thirty seconds, but it will be for all the wrong reasons. If you're here to RP, let your writing and what you do IN CHARACTER speak for itself. If you have to resort to anything else, you're not as good or as special as you think you are.

If you don't respect your writing enough to let it stand on it's own, don't expect others to respect your writing. If you don't respect other authors (even authors writing in 140 characters at a time), don't expect others to respect you. If all you do is criticize and find fault in those around you, don't expect to be lifted onto a pedestal yourself.

Everyone has the right to RP what they want, when they want to, with who they want. If you don't like someone's storyline, don't read it. If you don't like someone's character, don't follow them. If you don't like someone in general, don't work with them. Don't talk about them, don't talk to them. Don't trash them in the stream, directly or indirectly. Don't offer your opinion on anything or everything they say or do. Just move forward with your own things. Focus on what you have going on. If you don't have anything going on, work on changing that. Don't wait for or expect someone to change it for you. If you don't care about your own RP enough to grab it by the horns and run with it, why should anyone else care about it?

No one but you is responsible for your own RP. If you point fingers and blame others, you're really only kidding yourself. And if you're viewed by others as someone who insults the very people you want to work with, why would anyone (blamed or blameless) want to expose themselves to the risks of more negativity?

I don't need nor want that. I don't know many who would.

There really is no need to invent drama. If someone is ranting in the stream about unnamed persons, it doesn't have to be about you. It doesn't have to be a personal insult. It doesn't have to be the start of a war or another shot fired in an ongoing battle. If someone sends you inappropriate Formspring questions, you can delete them. You can require everyone to leave an identity on them. You are not required to say you're getting nasty questions, nor are you required to answer them. It's not being a bigger person to give attention in any way to the juvenile situation. It's just stooping to that level.

If you're RP'ing for some kind of "internet fame" or glory, you're doing it for all the wrong reasons, and pretty much kidding yourself. Since joining Twitter, I have found dozens of RP'ers out there I admire the writing and work of. I am well aware of the fact that I am far from the first Eric Northman on Twitter. In fact, I'm well aware of the fact that I'm not even close. I don't tend to speak to other Eric's out there, if only because it's incredibly awkward for me since we're all playing the same character, but I respect what they do and their right to do it, and none do I respect more than the original. The mobbing the original receives and manages every time he logs on, I can't even fathom. Frankly, I don't want to fathom it, because just the thought of it is pretty overwhelming. I do my best to reply to my mentions. In fact, most nights (unless working on a plot), I don't get the opportunity to leave them. If I don't reply to someone, I really do feel badly, and if I've ever neglected to respond to something someone has said directly to me via a mention, I really am sorry.

The thing is, I'm not trying to be that Eric Northman, nor am I trying to be any other Eric out there but my version of him. My @SheriffNorthman is mostly loyal to the book with a very little TrueBlood thrown in there (ex. his Maker is @AppiusOcella, but he really has a thing for flip flops and sometimes track suits), and beyond that, he's mine. He has his own bonds (with original characters), more children then just Pam (something mentioned in the books, though they're never named nor introduced), an original second... the list goes on and on. I don't want to RP an episode of TrueBlood, I'm not going to try. That's HBO's work, not mine, and if you're expecting it from me, you've got the wrong Eric on your hands. Every night, I do original plots and character development, to make my character even more my own. I'm not in competition with any other RP'er, I'm definitely not in competition with any other Eric, and more than anything, I don't want to be. I'm here for the FUN of it (I'm the Eric that stuffs his progeny in trunks and dealt with camel toe in Egypt, after all), I respect others having their own fun with it, and wish more did.

It's actually really tough to be compared to other RP'ers. I wish everyone, regardless of who's Eric/Sookie/Lafayette/Bill/Jason/Sam/random character flag they're waving would take into consideration their words, both positive and negative before saying them. It goes back to the idea that there are real people sitting behind these screens, real people who are entitled to have their fun however they may like. Respect their right to be there, just as you are there, just as everyone else is. Twitter is a big world, and no matter the drive, none of us is going to get famous doing this, so I've decided I'm going to start unfollowing people who feel the need to belittle others in order to lift another up, and I'd encourage others to do the same. There's too much negativity in the world already. Making our escapes hostile and competitive does no one any good, not even the one being praised.

Being nice really isn't overrated. There's a shortage of nice people in the world. Don't let them become an extinct population entirely.

And when it comes to people who aren't nice, or who you can never see eye to eye with, the block button is an amazing feature on Twitter. In a single click, you can be rid of the negativity and the problem and never have to deal with it again. Use it. Once you use it, don't sit on their page and refresh frequently to see if they've said anything new about you. Don't have others who may still be following them report everything to you, and if others try, simply tell them you're done with that. You don't need to inform the world that you've blocked someone, nor do anything else that could be equated to throwing gasoline on an already burning fire. Be the adult and walk away from the situation. Don't expect others to referee for you. This isn't a play ground and no one is being paid to babysit.

If all you want to do is rant in your stream and be negative, especially if it is out of character, I'm going to unfollow you. I am committed to taking back the fun in my RP. I have some great storylines going on, with great RP'ers, there are many more I want to work with, and so many more ideas in my head, but it seems I seldom have the time when I'm left to wade through the piles of complete and total bullshit.

And if you've read the above and actually agree with what I have to say, don't be afraid to DM or mention me on Twitter, email me (SheriffNorthman [at] gmail [dot] com), or get a hold of me in some way, because chances are, I'd love to work with you.

With all of that out of the way, this will be the first and (hopefully) last out of character post you will ever read here. With this weight off my shoulders, it's back to being the Viking Sheriff I want to be, and not a moment too soon.

the best and worse thing about being Sheriff of Area 5.

The best thing would be the recognition. I have spent many, many, many years working my way through the vampire political hierarchy to earn my place as Sheriff. I've shed a lot of blood, both my own and that of others, but I've won my battles, and I have earned the title I hold. I have an Area many envy with a large number of vampires who owe me fealty, and for the most part, I am well respected and valued by them. It is rewarding and I am proud of all that I hold.

The worst part of being Sheriff of Area Five would easily be the constant work I have to do. I have very little time to myself, not that I should expect anything less, but it often keeps me from doing what I truly desire to do. I constantly have something that needs to be done, often long before I do it, and for every task I complete, two new ones are waiting impatiently for my attention. It is unending, but at the same time, I wouldn't trade it for anything.

Ask a Viking vampire what inquiring minds wish to know