It Doesn't Make Your Crap Stink Less

Today is a sad day in the world of Twitter True Blood. The retirement of @SookieBonTemps and @LafayetteTB was entirely a surprise to me, as it was to many within the RP community that has grown and flourished on Twitter. I can only applaud both their work, work no one who RP's on Twitter can claim not to have been inspired by. The reason we have found an RP home and outlet on Twitter can be credited to them and their dedication to taking on characters we all know and love and bringing them to a world of 140 character limitations. They did so before it was popular, they did so without expecting anything in return. Their massive following, the recognition, and the support they EARNED throughout their time was the reward for their efforts, and I commend them and respect them infinitely for what they accomplished.

With this unexpected retirement, it's not a surprise the community at large is reeling, searching desperately for answers and explanations for what's happening. Fingers are being pointed, the past is being dredged up, and matters surrounding me have been pulled up to the surface and questioned. To be honest, I don't like it. I keep my personal, out-of-character drama to myself. The events and things being pulled up involve things that happened months ago, but since many people outside the situation are speaking of it and throwing around their theories, I feel it's only right to speak for myself.

A few months ago, I was approached by @Sookie_BT about playing the Eric to her Sookie in a group called TrueBlood On Twitter. At the time, she had an Eric, and I had a Sookie (@BarmaidSookie). It's no secret I am very involved in the @YieldtoMe group, especially since I'm technically it's founder, though I never initially planned on bringing it to Twitter. The person who plays @BarmaidSookie is my girlfriend, but she plays numerous characters on Twitter within my group. Sookie is a demanding character, one that takes up a lot of Tweeting time to be done properly, and we decided if she gave up playing @BarmaidSookie, that she could have a lot more time to focus on her other characters.

I spoke to other members of my group before finally getting back to @Sookie_BT. I made it clear I was an all-or-nothing deal. I would willingly replace her Eric and join her group if my partners came with me. I play a more canon Eric than one based on Alan Ball's creation. I didn't want to give up my Maker, my original-character children, my bonds, my daytime person, etc. I had spent months (half a year or more) building my character's story on Twitter with the rest of the YTM cast who had become friends both in and out of character. I was unwilling to trash that and them for a new group (one that was honestly just starting). Sookie understood and agreed to all my requests, and thus, @SheriffNorthman and the rest of my YTM crew became a part of True Blood on Twitter.

Shortly into things, I knew this would not be something that worked for very long because it wasn't me. I am more than willing to shoulder my blame in this whole fiasco. While I enjoyed a great deal of what we did while I was a part of the group, I was told during the True Blood season, entire segments of True Blood would be Tweeted as sketches. That is NOT me. I RP to press myself creatively, not to recite another's work. The "Twittersode" performed while I was a member of the group involving the Magister punishing Bill for negligence with Jessica was written by me. THAT is why I Tweet... to write my own stuff, to take a character I love and give him his own life (or unlife as the case may be).

Let me be clear, I'm not criticizing anyone. It just wasn't and isn't my thing, and I started to wonder if I had made a wise decision joining the group. Long before I left, I spoke frequently to @RomanLucious (who was playing the group's Bill at the time) and @BiancaNorthman (also @BarmaidSookie) questioning whether or not our style really fit in with the group we had taken on. I knew the main @SookieBonTemps cast had a tendency to do the True Blood episodes on Thursdays (though I only followed Lafayette and Pam of that group at the time). I worried we would be stepping on toes or fighting for the same audience. It was a strange predicament for a guy who's written his own, original material for as long as he's RP'ed to be in. I think my discomfort leaked into my Tweeting. I enjoyed what I was doing less as I worried about what the new season of True Blood would hold and who I would piss off by doing it.

Things only became worse for me personally as I was regularly told by the other, original members of the group that "HBO was watching us." I said it the fateful night I quit and still say it today. I don't care about RP'ing for "fame." I'm not RP'ing for HBO, nor am I RP'ing to have more followers than X character. I'm not looking for Facebook fame, it doesn't matter to me. I want my RP to be fun, something my friends and I can enjoy. Every follower I have, I am flattered by. If anyone else wants to read what I produce on a nightly basis, I'm honored, but I don't do it for anyone but me. The same was true for the other members of YTM. The fit wasn't good.

I was hospitalized after a pancreatic infection. It was a very, very scary event for me and my family, terrifying actually. I wasn't anywhere near Twitter while this was going on, obviously. I was barely conscious through much of it, but while I was gone, there was an implosion of both YTM and True Blood on Twitter. The Pam that is "mine," from YTM, @pamiravenscroft, was, in a way (intentionally or unintentionally, I won't get into) replaced for another. Anyone who knows me at all knows my Pam and I have a lengthy history. She's RP'ed with me for as long as I've RP'ed, six long years, and is a dear friend in and out of character. Pam was upset, she began RP'ing with @SookieYTM since she had essentially been cut out of my story.

When I was released from the hospital, I was asked to make my severance from Pam official. After much debate, I decided to quit. With @RomanLucious' blessing and full support, I quit for Bill as well. When it came to choosing between "HBO watching me" and my time-trusted friends, the choice was easy to make. We were already a poor fit, it was a final nail in the coffin (and I swear, that's not a vampire pun). I would rather RP nightly with a dozen people I consider both in character and out of character friends than have a hundred strangers applauding me for doing someone else's work. I will make that choice every single time. I didn't "fire" anyone from YTM either. No one was kicked out. I simply left the additional group I had joined (as did Kaleb).

After I left, I did a lot of thinking. I started following the main, @SookieBonTemps crew, to show I wasn't in any kind of competition. The whole time before, that's what I felt I was in, like I was competing for followers, for attention, for glory the very idea of is really ridiculous. Though I doubt any even realized I followed them or cared, I felt it was something I had to do. I hated the idea that something we all loved could be any kind of competition. The Twitterverse was and is big enough for us all, and I didn't like feeling like I had taken part in anything that implied otherwise. The feeling may very well have all been in my head, but it was how I felt.

I don't have an ounce of contempt for the TrueBlood on Twitter group, not toward a single one of them. When Eric and Bill were recast after our departure, I was not bothered. After all, I quit. What they do is just not what I do and for me to have continued doing it would have felt phony and wrong... TO ME. When I left, I wished them the best of luck, and I meant that. I still wish them luck. I regret that other Twitter groups out there were disrupted after I quit, but I had nothing to do with that. I wasn't replaced without my consent, I wasn't a victim, nor was I victimized. I don't know if all other members of YTM would claim the same, but that is where I stand. I've never mentioned any of the above before because I don't feel wronged, and actually dislike that I'm being labeled as having been wronged. If anything, I feel I wronged others and made an effort immediately following to correct that.

I hope the drama because of the sudden retirement of others quickly dies down, and that my own name is taken out of it. While I appreciate that there are others out there offering support, I'm not the one who should be supported. I'm not upset, I wasn't upset then, or I probably would have addressed it. I don't hold anything against @Sookie_BT or other members of her group who were there at the time I was. I really don't need anyone starting to say that I do.

Please remember, Twitter is a big place and there is enough room for all of us. Originality isn't a disease, there is no such thing as Twitter fame, and even if there was, it doesn't make your crap stink less. RP how you want, with who you want, so it makes you happy. When we turn this all into a competition of characters and websites, when we steal from one another, when we reward or condemn those who don't deserve it, we're only really ruining it for ourselves.

Belated Thoughts on Father's Day

Dear Journal,

I have never thought much of Father's Day. I believe the purpose of the "holiday" is to congratulate males for successfully impregnating females by producing offspring. It's a relatively recent invention, something within the last hundred years or so, but apparently it is openly celebrated and acknowledged by many. I have never celebrated one before. To be honest, I never believed I would, but for once in my long existence, I was wrong (and it's the first time that happened, I swear to the gods).

I owe my adventure into Father's Day to none other than @Sookeh. I know even you must be puzzled by how I have come to be Sookeh's father, dear journal, but I once informed her that I had bedded her mother (true story), and, long story short, it was decided I was her father. Of course, I am well aware I can no longer produce children and have been unable to for the last thousand years, give or take a few decades, but I must admit, I felt a kinship to the Evil One from the very beginning. Not only is she wonderfully evil and perverse, but she finds nothing sacred and no one untouchable. Add into that equation that she has inherited a posterior as well admired as my own and I will forever consider her my evil daughter. After watching @BiancaNorthman bond with her by performing more than a fair share of cruel acts on completely innocent parties, I am positive she is as much my own as anyone else living or dead can claim to be.

For that reason alone, when I found out she intended on throwing me a Father's Day celebration, I could only look forward to it... as much as one can when they worry animal sacrifices may be involved, anyway. After having my car dismantled by Sookeh's neighbors in the Evil Trailer Park of Doom during her baby shower, I have decided to be prepared for anything when it comes to her celebrations. I had never heard of this "Chuck E. Cheese" place the event was being held at, but I was far from disappointed. The event was something I will not be forgetting for as long as I remain only as dead as I presently am.

It has taken me a while to fully gather my thoughts on the event that unfolded in Shreveport that night. Truth be told, I am still reeling in some ways, but I can only imagine it will help me finalize some thoughts if I simply get the events out on paper now.

My night began, as most do, with Bianca. @EricsButt seemed to possess a mind of it's own almost immediately upon my rising, but my mind was focused on the approaching event. Before we left my home to venture to the venue, Bianca presented me with a gift I can only say made me smile. It was a first edition of Shakespeare's First Folio, a book that included the first printing of The Taming of the Shrew. That play will forever hold a special place in my silent heart and I know the same is true for her as well. I can remember word for word the message she wrote upon the card she presented me with now. "You stopped my heart from the moment I met you, long before you turned me. I could ask for no better Maker than you, and hope more than anything to be by your side forever. Never forget that." I really do hope I never forget that, even if I sincerely doubt it now and then.

Along with @BarmaidSookie, we made our way to Chuck E. Cheese where many guests had already gathered including @WereLee, @JustMakenna, @DeviousLucas, @TaliaPerrault, @RyderHard, @RomanLucious, @were_lucian, @SaraElle69, and @EmoPam. Even @PrinceVladTepes managed to show up in order to slay many of the amusement park-like games the establishment offered just as he slayed my washer and dryer (at least, that was what he did before breaking @pamiravencroft's arm and fucking Bianca at the party, but that is entirely another entry on it's own). @AbiStewart, who had already gifted me with a present that brought a smile to my face, blessed me with an additional gift by finding and dragging along my nearly-constantly downtimed newborn, @NolanFerrior. I was pleased to see my future progeny, @LaceyTB, among the crowd as well (though how in the future her turning will be is again, another entry all it's own). @CalienteChloe was hard to miss among the celebrators as well. I felt her eyes glued to my ass the moment I stepped foot in the oversized rodent's den. She seemed a strange mixture of happy and incredibly sad, but her situation is rather unique, to say the least.

For the first time since their births and the destruction of my last Corvette, I saw @AshnSugarbaby. Already they have gotten so big, sometimes it is difficult to remember how quickly tiny humans grow. At least, Sugarbaby has grown. Ash is a runt and a midget, one I am certain Sugarbaby, the obviously superior twin, will eventually consume. I have my fingers crossed she'll put the thing named after @DavidCallum out of his misery before they ever reach a year old. @VampyJo, who gifted me with tickets to a Colts game, brought her and the Were's infant, @WereBabyLily along as well, so there were teacups galore present. I was reluctant to let Sugarbaby go, but I made an exception when the giant rat hosting the event informed me I was needed upon stage for a present.

And what a present it was.

I've always had a bit of a- what is it human's call such a thing?- crush on @EmoEricNorthman's assistant. @KamanaLei's a fairy, what sane vampire could resist? And that was before being gifted with the performance of a lifetime. The fairy had gotten wind that I have a certain fondness for capybaras ever since Nolan was rescued by one after he was thrown into a gator farm by Roman and I, and @CapyBrier still follows me around from time to time. I was treated to a lap dance by the exquisite smelling fae all while she was wearing a capybara mask. It was something I had certainly never experienced before, but I have to admit it, I liked it a whole lot.

After the fairy lap dance, things got a bit hazy for me, as it tends to be when that intoxicating aroma hangs in the air. The giant rodent expired quite unexpectantly somewhere near the bar. I remember EmoEric presented me with a present of livestock and I couldn't have been happier. The next thing I remember, I was being covered in butter and pushed through a tunnel into a pit of primary colored balls. The haze remains until some creature arose from the depths of the pit and scared all the townfolk away on a quest for the Lieutenant. I sent her after the Deputy instead before grabbing my gifts and heading out myself with Sookie, Nolan, and Chloe in tow.

Note to self: Get something to transport livestock. When squirrels are passing my vehicle, something is not right. I hereby pledge never to drive at half the speed of squirrel again.

Once I got the livestock to cooperate enough we made it to Chloe's dwelling, she kissed my ass. I don't mean kissed it as it is normally kissed by the Deputy and the masses, I mean she literally kissed my ass. I wonder if it tasted of butter after that ball pit. Needless to say, it was quite a way to end my night.

After such an adventure, I am sure of a few things. One, the ball pit at Chuck E. Cheese contains horrendous secrets. Two, the capybara is superior to other large, alcoholic rodents. Three, Nolan really does need to wear a bell. Four, Sookeh will forever be my family.

I have landed myself in a predicament that entails a turning, or death, do you know of any vamp that has had this similar choice to make, and even if they did not want it, were forced into the change...Do they like what they are now?

Turning or death, there's really not much of a difference since they both involve an end. Every vampire in existence has had such a choice to make. Few of us that are older than the five years or so we've been "out of the coffins" were ever given the freedom to decide our fate, and there have been many vampires long past who have ended themselves because they preferred death to what they had become.

I did not choose this existence for myself. Had I been given the opportunity when I- quite literally- met my Maker, I imagine I would have chosen it, if only because I am not the kind who surrenders to death. I had no idea such a being existed as the one I became, but I adapted in time, and now cannot imagine anything else. This is my true nature. I do not desire anything but it.

I have made many vampire since I was turned. Most my age have. None of my children, with the exception of @NolanFerrior (and hopefully, eventually, @LaceyStripped) were given a choice in the matter, yet all of them have embraced this existence as much as one can, and that is the only reason they exist still today. One can educate themselves as much as possible, I went out of my way to prepare Nolan and Lacey for their turnings, but no amount of preparation ever truly can make such a choice easier. This version of death a vampire experiences instead of the simple end a human comes to expect is indescribable, and there is no anticipating it.

You would be hard pressed to find a self-loathing vampire. While I am sure there are some out there somewhere, we only last because we deserve to last, and you only deserve to last if you love what you have become and embrace it with every ounce of your being.

Ask a Viking vampire what inquiring minds wish to know

if a human kills a vampire, is the punishment death? What if the human was forced into doing it and it wasn't her fault and she tried not to but her hand was forced, is she at fault?

It depends who the vampire is, how and why they are killed, how much influence and power the vampire in question has, whether or not retaliation without exposure is possible, whether or not there is anyone to seek retaliation... the list goes on and on. Personally, I believe if a human manages to end a vampire without doing so in an underhanded way (such as attacking during daylight), the vampire wasn't truly deserving of this existence in the first place. There's really very little honor in being bested by a breather.

The circumstances surrounding why a human would do such a thing really matter very little in that regards. If a human is forced and there is someone who wants retaliation in existence, they really shouldn't expect to be allowed to voice their reasons for their actions, nor should they expect for the possible party to present any kind of understanding. If a human were ever in such a situation, I would say the best they could do for any kind of insurance in the situation would be to get the aid of more powerful vampires or beings and simply hope for the best while bracing themselves for the worst.

That being said, if a human ever wanted to kill @TruBloodBill, I won't be seeking any kind of retaliation as his Sheriff, nor would I make it easy for any other vampire to do so.

Just putting that out there...

Ask a Viking vampire what inquiring minds wish to know

how did you become sheriff of area five? what makes you qualified to be sheriff? do you hope to someday be king, like stan?

I became Sheriff of Area Five by spending centuries working my way through the vampire hierarchy. I proved myself as a warrior, as a Maker, as a leader, and as a tactician. I devoted time and energy to establishing alliances with other political minded vampires. I shed blood for my kind, I took my beatings, and I never complained.

Shortly after turning @pamiravenscroft, I made the journey with her to the New World which was far from an easy venture at the time for a vampire. Few of the undead called America home, and I was one of the oldest. In a time when the world was less than vampire accommodating, I had survived and proved my tenacity. My knowledge and experience was valued, and I was given the chance to prove I had what it takes to possess such a position of power.

Not even close to all Sheriffs are my age. In fact, I am considerably older than many of the Kings and Queens in various territories. One day, I aspire to be a King. My children often remind me that if I ever intend on becoming such a thing, I must learn to better control myself, more particularly, my temper, but I believe it will happen when the time is right.

Ask a Viking vampire what inquiring minds wish to know

What is happiness and or completion to you? What do you think it is? Do you think when you find it you will know you have it?

To me, happiness and completion go together hand-in-hand. One cannot truly possess happiness unless they are complete. One cannot be complete unless they are happy with everything around them.

I vaguely recall a genuine happiness from my mortal life. It was a feeling of pride and joy, a feeling that could not be fought. It was a smile that wouldn't waver and a pleasure that had nothing to do with physical satisfaction or temporary, fleeting successes.

Such things for a vampire are no doubt as impossible and as implausible as I believe them to be. We have eternity ahead of us. How can one ever truly be complete? Happiness of today will not last forever. We know such things. I have watched everything I have ever known pass away and evolve into something new and strange while I never change. I have walked the earth century after century and nothing has remained as it is but me. How can I be happy when I know anything I enjoy tonight will only end eventually? How can I feel complete when I know my existence will not be ending any time soon? If I am completed tonight, is existing any longer even fruitful? Necessary? Hardly. What is eternity if you do not always strive for more?

I don't know if I would recognize either if I truly had them. I like to think I would. I have seen others find happiness. I wish it for myself more than I care to admit. I will always seek it. If I ever manage to find it, I hope it as powerful as I believe it to be, and it will be worth any consequence such feeling causes.

Ask a Viking vampire what inquiring minds wish to know

What happens to human emotions when one becomes vampire? Do they disappear, decrease, twist in some way? Beyond hunger, lust, possessiveness, anger...what do vampires feel?

Whether we choose to admit such a thing or not, vampires are capable of feeling anything and everything a human feels. Good, bad, or somewhere in between, we are capable of it all. Do we all allow for ourselves to feel everything? No. Do some feelings become difficult to have over the course of time? Undoubtedly.

We often talk about letting our feelings die as we do, but truly, it's mostly in regard to feelings of guilt. A vampire cannot allow himself to feel guilt as a human would. It's simply impossible when we prey upon the very race we once belonged to for sustenance and for survival. We can't regret death, nor being a murderer, not when it means survival for ourselves. Do I regret things? As much as I would like to say I am without such a burden, I am not. Do I ever feel guilty for doing what I must to survive? Never.

And that's really what being a vampire is about. We feel and admit to feeling only what will help us survive and thrive in the world we find ourselves perpetually bound to. Feelings of affection, feelings that go deeper than lust, anger, annoyance... they are costly. They set a vampire up to put others before himself. They create vulnerabilities. When it only takes a moment of vulnerability to end our existence, is the price of feeling "love," "happiness," "compassion," or anything else worth second death?

Well, that is up to each vampire individually. To me, nothing is worth second death.

Do I remember clearly what feelings were like when I was alive? I remember feeling everything more. As it is now, my feelings are stunted and cautious. It is easy to feel mistrusting, suspicious, angry, enraged, and lustful. They keep me guarded and safe, whole, and still present. Am I capable of feeling more? I like to believe I am, but the risk of doing so is so undeniable, I do not know if I would ever allow for myself to do so even if the opportunity presented itself. And if I did, actually admitting to such aloud would be nearly unthinkable.

Ask a Viking vampire what inquiring minds wish to know