I'm a verbose vampire. Always have been, and after a thousand years, it's safe to say I always will be. 140 characters simply isn't enough space to tell you why you should follow some of my favorite Supernaturals, humans, and everything in between, so I'm going to do that here. Every single person on this list is worth your follow, and I'll do my best to keep this updated regularly.
To understand everything happening in my world and in my story lines, following these individuals is an absolute must. Click the pictures to be taken to their Twitter page.
If you're not already following me, I would believe it's safe to say there is something seriously amiss with you. I am a thousand years of perfection. What is there not to love? Do not forget to follow my jailed account, @SheriffJailed if you're not already, since I have a tendency to Tweet more than Twitter can fathom. Don't be afraid to say hello. I only bite when the occasion calls for it.
My human, my telepath, my bonded. Sookie Stackhouse has quickly become the first person I think of upon rising and is in my last thoughts before I die for the day. She frustrates and torments me, is possibly as stubborn as I am, has the audacity to give me orders, and I can no longer imagine my existence without her in it, even if it means degrading myself with frequent trips to that ridiculous backwater called Bon Temps to be near her. Recently, Sookie has given up serving rednecks for a Shifter and has decided to commit herself to a career using her extraordinary talent to benefit others. I think the move on her part is a stroke of brilliance, something her family tree seemed to reserve only for her given the idiocy of her only sibling, Jason.
My Deputy, my partner-in-crime, my brother in blood, my cousin-in-law by marriage, THE Romanfail, and the victim of many 50 second jokes well deserved, undead life would be nearly boring without him around for me to punch/kick/bludgeon on a very regular basis. Plus, his mere presence makes me seem so much more superior by comparison. Roman is the only vampire I know who could somehow fathom an eternal battle to the second death with the Prince is a good idea, but he's damn near certain it is, and he's even more certain he will win (which basically means he's delusional). He's a fae blood addict with a motorcycle, which spells dangerous things for the streets of Shreveport, so be on the lookout.
My most opinionated and sarcastic child, Pam is and always has been entirely irreplaceable, though I avoid telling her such or it costs me a fortune in shopping sprees. I called Pam back to co-own and help operate Fangtasia just before the Great Revelation, and she left Minnesota to join me without ever once looking back. She's fiercely loyal to me, and I to her, and often, I am unsure what I would do without her. She has a love of pink, a taste for expensive things, and can wield a bottle of Febreze like I wield a sword. She can often be found manning the door of our club, or fruitlessly attempting to keep Roman and I from doing anything stupid, or making Chow's undead life a miserable one. She has two progeny, Colin and Tara, and I am truly proud of her as a Maker.
My child, my sometimes lover, and possibly my best friend if I have such a thing, Bianca is a combination of beauty, elegance, sarcasm, and bitchiness, and she'll make no apologies whatsoever for it. And, if that isn't reason enough, I know what is. Her booty bounce is legendary and contrary to popular belief, she doesn't have a collection of toes (yet). Bianca collects men like other people may collect postage stamps. Her bonded human is a witch named Liam (I hate witches), who prank calls me at Fangtasia. Her daytime person goes by the name of Oscar, and he regularly sneaks pastels into my closet (that's not the only thing he is hiding in a closet). She also has a pet in a Bon Temps native named Ryan who she found while he was high on V. She kidnapped him, detoxed him, and now he considers her his mother. I try not to ask...
Born in Jersey and deceased in Louisiana, JoAnna is still in large part a newborn, but she's not one to be underestimated. Orphaned by her Maker early in her existence, JoAnna was "adopted" by Roman, who's name is tattooed prominently across her ass. I don't really know how well that works out for them when I personally believe there is a good reason Roman has yet to become an actual Maker himself, but JoAnna has been doing exceedingly well despite all the odds against her. An adopted mother herself to her husband Lucian's daughter Lily (who I have a great fondness of), along with an orphaned boy who may very well be Tom Hanks, she is a protective and impressive force to be reckoned with, and that's something I wouldn't say of just any. She's even willing to send her dayperson toe-to-toe against Bianca's. No one can claim she's not brave.
The newest newborn to Area Five is none other than JoAnna's husband and now child, Lucian Maxwell. A werewolf before he was turned, Lucian is now coping with existence after his former nature is gone. He doesn't appreciate a good cuddle nearly as much as I do, but he has always had a good head on his shoulders, and I think he will be an asset both to JoAnna and Area Five, despite the fact that many won't approve of the fact that he was turned. At least he seems to have the support of his family, even if it may be reluctantly in some cases.
I once had a long, very vivid dream that I had turned Nolan and made him my child. Considering he's a cat and under normal circumstances I cannot stand cats, that's about the highest compliment that could be paid to him. Nolan-- though everyone calls him Brier for reasons I can't figure out-- has become as much a staple at Fangtasia as the vampires who lounge among the crowd, and he's an irreplaceable part. After he quit the club to shovel salt for litter boxes, I actually had to ask him to return, and he will likely be the only human who ever has such an honor bestowed upon them. Nolan has a sister with exceptional breasts that the Deputy openly lusts for, Kristen, who is engaged to marry a WereAss, and who is a friend of my bonded.
Bit of a recent update, really. You know that long, very vivid dream I had about turning Nolan? Well, it has now become a reality. After a recent trip to New Orleans that involved the Deputy seeking revenge upon Dracula, Nolan was fatally injured while attempting to protect my bonded. Dying to protect Sookie? Needless to say, I approve. Nolan is now my newborn progeny, and I would not have it any other way, even if he was once a cat.
Still a new addition to my undead existence, Brooke is Nolan's wife, who I've only met since my cat has returned to Fangtasia. She is proof my cat has the best taste in other breathers, even if she too has feline tendencies on the full moon. Clever, articulate, and most of all, able to keep up with Nolan, Brooke has proven to be enjoyable company, if not downright an asset to have around. She's even willing to be a partner-in-crime with me when it comes to teasing Nolan, which is impossible not to appreciate. Brooke and Nolan have two daughters, Maddie and Eden, and my bonded and I act as godparents to Maddie.
Perhaps the most annoying of the Crane triplets if only because of his frequent presence in my undead life, the fruity fairy otherwise known as Claude is the Deputy's husband (or is it wife? I don't know how these things work) as well as my bonded's cousin and fairy godmother. How he managed to trick Roman into marriage still remains a mystery to me, but Sookie seems somewhat fond of him for reasons I cannot fathom. I'm fairly sure the only thing he is good for is smelling ridiculously tempting, which means it's only a matter of time before someone drains him or one of his sisters, Claudia and Claudine. If death by vampire isn't the way he meets his end, perhaps he'll be turned into fairy dust by his grandfather, Niall Brigant, or the mermaid who insists she is named Kendra that lives next door to him and the Deputy. A Viking can only hope...
So, I still don't understand how this is possible, but the Deputy actually managed to defeat motherfucking Dracula. He and his fruity husband are apparently keeping the Prince wrapped in silver and locked in a coffin in their garage... because where else would you keep the Dark Prince? You'd think we'd be able to relax and celebrate such a monumental, if unlikely victory, but as is usually the case where the Prince is concerned, things are not so easily ended. It seems Dracula long ago sired a progeny named Julian Ajax Barbarossa, and if that last name seems at all familiar, it is likely because it also belongs to the Deputy. Yes, you read that right. Dracula's child happens to be the Deputy's genetic brother. I'm not certain whether or not I can trust the child of the Prince, brother of the Deputy or not, and it's safe to say I'll be watching Area One like only a thousand year old Viking vampire quite fond of existing might, since his child has inherited his territory and is now the new Sheriff. It seems Dakota Ryan will be serving him, just as she served the Prince. Whether or not he'll be friend or foe has yet to be determined, and until there is a stake through the heart of Dracula himself, I truly wonder if we've heard the last from him as well.
This frequently blushing telekinetic has frustrated me in a way few humans could ever succeed in, but we are eternally bonded and she will always mean a great deal to me, even if she has god awful taste in men. I suppose someone has to find fat and lazy attractive... and that is definitely what I consider her husband and Fangtasia's resident bathroom befouler, Tray Dawson, to be. Abigale runs a successful antique shop when she isn't Were wrangling or making my Bear baked (naked) goods. I haven't seen much of Abigale lately, though I think of her often, and even find myself hoping just a little her marriage and fences are everything she hoped they would be.
My favorite newborn vampire, she calls me kinkypire and dadpire and I am proud to think of her as the child I have never had. She's honest to a fault, not afraid of speaking her mind, loves sex, and isn't afraid of getting her hands dirty... it's really no mystery of the two of us have no troubles getting along. Though the bond we shared has been severed and though this last year has been a tumultuous one in general for Lacey, it has resulted in some special people in her life. She is married to and bonded with a man who shares his name with a bottle of alcohol, and he has excellent taste in livestock, so obviously, I approve of him for a breather.
I. Fucking. Hate. Witches.
It's not an unfounded hate. Witches are the assholes responsible for draining me and setting my club on fire while I was still in it. They're trouble. That said, everyone around me started employing witches. First Roman employed Mena Grazie, then Bianca had to outdo him and get a pair, and even JoAnna has a witch for a father. I can't be the only vampire without a witch, so I found one in Jade Chiara. He's a witch and tattoo artist out of New Orleans that I've convinced to relocate to Shreveport to work for me. He's warded Fangtasia and is setting up shop across the street from the bar with his werewolf business partner, Destin Gomez. Jade's managed to draw the attention of another witch, Hannah Robinson, and needless to say, I think it's better to have them on my side rather than not.
A member of the Roman Legion in life, my Maker is over 2000 years old and the very reason I am as I am today. His presence in Louisiana after many years apart is still somewhat surprising, not to mention a little unnerving. Appius nearly always has something he wishes to remind me of or some lesson to teach. The cost of such a learning experience can be nothing short of extreme. Rumor has it that recently, he's extended the scope of his lesson-teaching, however. While I pity the vampires he may be focusing on, all I can think is... better them than me.
My WereBear, Waylon, was a bond that wasn't meant to happen. After giving blood anonymously to him in order to help him heal a broken back, I accidentally managed to ingest a few drops of his blood while a bystander to a fight taking place in Merlottes. Needless to say, neither one of us were particularly pleased when we realized we were bonded to one another... him because he was having a plethora of erotic dreams I starred in and me because the last thing I ever wanted was to be bonded to a Were of any kind, but both of us have come to accept it as the blessing it truly is. My Bear is freaking adorable. He drinks blood and likes to get high and makes for an excellent cuddle partner. He also makes for an excellent pet sitter, a fact my albino guard peacock Lucius can confirm. The Shifter Merlotte damn well better start feeding my bear when he visits or so help me, I will disembowel him, despite promises to my bonded.
Winnifred Harrison's legendary ass brings all the boys, Weres, and even vampires to the yard... though what the vampires do the yard because of it is a source of great shame. She's a former employee of the GrabbitKwik who was bitten by one of the moon mongrels and is now sometimes a cat, but I won't hold that against her. What I will hold against her is what a bad influence she is on my newborn despite being muse to a boybander. Ponds are sprouting up all over this damn Area and timber everywhere is carved with her name because of her encouragement. I'd be really annoyed by this and likely go out of my way to drain her if she wasn't frequently throwing herself at sharks, gators (though sometimes they're just Shifters like Raylan Winchester), and engaging in any number of other suicidal stunts that would make for an entertaining end.
Usually when I use words such as "sweet" and "kind," I use them in a manner which is only meant to insult, but there is one exception to the rule, and that is Brandee. Librarian at the Bon Temps Public Library, Brandee is always quick to offer up a book for any and every situation (including but not limited to llama behavioral guides) and has reference material for my strangest of whims. She's also one of very few people who always seems to appreciate my penchant for knitting. An empath, Brandee regularly is inundated and overwhelmed by the feelings of others, but she never complains, and almost always can be found with a friendly and inviting smile upon her face, despite what could often be her silent suffering. A devoted wife to her husband Rick, a mother to her children Nye, Gwen, and Jules, and a grandmother on top of that, Brandee defines southern hospitality and friendliness and is always there for anyone who might need her with a sympathetic ear and genuine concern.
My first encounter with Jenny occurred, unsurprisingly, at the GrabbitKwik. I had intended on blowing that damn place up, but she stopped me with little more than a broom. Take a minute to think about that... she stopped a thousand year old Viking vampire with a broom. Foolish bravery like that doesn't come around every night, to say the least. For a long while, Jenny and Nolan were an item, and she jingled many bells around Fangtasia, but when their relationship came to a close, I lost touch with the curious human with a fetish for slushies. Jenny ran into a considerable amount of trouble, however, and it was only through the work of a group of witches that she survived, but the experience "on the other side" failed to leave her unchanged. When she showed up in my office of Fangtasia with tell of an ability to sniff out supernaturals and strength beyond a human's measure, I put her to work as a bartender without hesitation. It was a good call on my part. With all the breasts she's drawn upon drink orders, Fangtasia has never been more fang-worthy.
After my Maker focused on teaching me the value of my blood by leaving me with no alternative but to turn a vampire to hand over to him, I found the most convenient target possible-- a busboy at Fangtasia named Vaughn-- and assumed he wouldn't last more than a night or two in Appius' care. I was wrong. It doesn't happen often, but it occasionally does, and when it does, it happens in a big way, and that sums up my newborn rather well. Kept a prisoner by my Maker for years, Vaughn has little to no knowledge nor understanding of his true nature and is practically human. If his fangs didn't descend beyond his control every now and then, he'd probably forget he was a vampire entirely. Now that Appius has disappeared to places unknown, Vaughn is once more in my care, which means starting at the very beginning despite his age. Honestly, if he calls me "dude" one more time, I may just stake him and put us both out of our misery.
The Lieutenant, Dave Conway, the owner and chief operator of Bon Temps GrabbitKwik is a rather amusing fellow with a midget fetish no one can really understand. Mostly human with a little bit of demon thrown into the mix, he hates the Deputy almost as much as I do on a regular basis. He's had my blood once and dealt with erotic dreams of me for an amusing length of time. His really hot wife, Alyx Conway, the Bon Temps baker, has a pie that arouses all, even Viking vampires who find the promise of pie thoroughly misleading. She weaves me baskets under water and I knit her things in turn. When Lacey finally turns Dave to be her child and eternal sex slave, there's a fair chance I'll take Alyx to be my own, if my daughter Sookeh doesn't beat me to it, at least. Hopefully her dino-loving vampire isn't the jealous type.
My daytime person, my seer, and my twice-bonded human, Layla has been the reason I've gotten out of more than a few tough situations. She's blunt, beautiful, and struts like no one else. Things have been slightly awkward between the two of us since our physical relationship ended (she wanted further commitment, I ran), but really, I do not know what I would do without her.
Chloe is a smoking hot human has lived a great deal of life already for being someone so young. One time, she kissed my ass. No, I mean she literally kissed my ass. Pulled down my pants on her front porch and kissed my rear while I was in downtime. Humans are so strange. She's found herself a fairy named Blake, and together, they have a duo of faebies. I have no idea whether she kisses his ass or not. Chloe's father was a key part of a large ring of vampire-drainers who were responsible for a considerable amount of trouble some time back. Bianca still desires to take Matteo's heart. If that human ever steps foot in Louisiana to visit his daughter, well, I plan on being a part of his welcoming committee.
A love affair that spans the better part of a century, the King of Texas, Stan Davis, once upon a time met a Southern Belle, the pride of Renard parish with a cake men would kill for, and needless to say sparks flew. Since vampires were still "in our coffins," time would be the ultimate problem, but no longer is such a concern. In recent times, the cowboy King found his belle once more, now a great-grandmother, but still having as much life as ever. He's eased her into the fact that he's a dead man walking and she's defied and reversed aging with the help of his blood and special chocolates. Whether they're plagued with bedbugs that seem strangely attracted to the femoral artery, vacationing abroad, or stuck on a desert island with immigration problems, these two you will not want to miss. And while you're at it, follow the chief of Stan's legal team and Caroline's granddaughter, Portia, along with her husband, Luke Preston. She's a force to be reckoned with and he's pack leader to the Hot Shot panthers, and they're always up to something.
The Longtooth Pack of Shreveport has grown to a size that leaves every vampire in Area Five believing it is high time to call in dog catchers. They are loud, smelly, rowdy, and a perpetual thorn in my side, but so long as they keep out of my business and stay in their bar rather than stinking up my own, there won't be a problem.
That seems kind of a foolish hope right there on my part.
Talk about being hot for teacher... I can't stop myself from fanging every time I think on the second grade teacher at Betty Ford Elementary School known as Halleigh Robinson. She actually makes me wish I was a teacup just so I could eyefuck her all day long under the guise of learning. I kidnapped her once to try to turn her away from that annoying mutt she's training and keeping free of fleas, but it didn't quite work out and now she refers to me as her "Eric friend." What the fuck is that about? How do I of all vampires get friend zoned? I blame the influence of her furry husband's family.
Angelo Verdone is a bit like the plague that keeps on giving. Patriarch of a crime family that was responsible for draining numerous vampires, Appius thought it would be just hilarious to turn him and then order me to instruct and house the newborn mafioso. The fledgling has thus far talked in bulk about swimming with aquatic creatures and has shot me once. His incompetent but quite attractive human daughter, who he charmingly calls Gigi, followed her father from their home in New Jersey when I took him to Area Five. The Verdone family succeeded in getting the attention of the undead in the first place because of a foolish vendetta over the murder of Angelo's wife Isabella years earlier, supposedly by a vampire, but things are not as simple as they may seem.
The law in Renard Parish, Luc Anthony started his career as an undead officer in New Orleans before being transferred to Shreveport. Needless to say, Roman and I made his death hell as he was frequently forced between upholding the letter of the human law and the fealty he owed to me as his Sheriff. After a funeral pyre run amok, Roman and I left him to take the fall for the crime and Luc was stripped of his badge and job after spending some serious time behind bars. I really rescued him though by finding him the perfect replacement job, working as a Deputy for Bon Temps' human sheriff, Andy Bellefleur, who happens to have quite the prejudice against the undead. Hilarious. For me. Not so much for Luc.
This Pam will always hold a special place in my cold and silent undead heart. She is hardworking, devoted to Fangtasia and her Maker, and has recently been getting into a great deal of trouble (and fun) with a new companion, Uri. After a number of companions who couldn't keep up with her, perhaps it's time Pam has finally met her match.
None of us would be on Twitter if it weren't for the original crew who started it so long ago. @SookieBonTemps has been gracing the world with Sookie Stackhouse 140 characters at a time for years and the rest of the core crew have been entertaining many with their performances and interactions. I have nothing but respect for all of them, and encourage everyone to follow them.
