Belated Thoughts on Father's Day

Dear Journal,

I have never thought much of Father's Day. I believe the purpose of the "holiday" is to congratulate males for successfully impregnating females by producing offspring. It's a relatively recent invention, something within the last hundred years or so, but apparently it is openly celebrated and acknowledged by many. I have never celebrated one before. To be honest, I never believed I would, but for once in my long existence, I was wrong (and it's the first time that happened, I swear to the gods).

I owe my adventure into Father's Day to none other than @Sookeh. I know even you must be puzzled by how I have come to be Sookeh's father, dear journal, but I once informed her that I had bedded her mother (true story), and, long story short, it was decided I was her father. Of course, I am well aware I can no longer produce children and have been unable to for the last thousand years, give or take a few decades, but I must admit, I felt a kinship to the Evil One from the very beginning. Not only is she wonderfully evil and perverse, but she finds nothing sacred and no one untouchable. Add into that equation that she has inherited a posterior as well admired as my own and I will forever consider her my evil daughter. After watching @BiancaNorthman bond with her by performing more than a fair share of cruel acts on completely innocent parties, I am positive she is as much my own as anyone else living or dead can claim to be.

For that reason alone, when I found out she intended on throwing me a Father's Day celebration, I could only look forward to it... as much as one can when they worry animal sacrifices may be involved, anyway. After having my car dismantled by Sookeh's neighbors in the Evil Trailer Park of Doom during her baby shower, I have decided to be prepared for anything when it comes to her celebrations. I had never heard of this "Chuck E. Cheese" place the event was being held at, but I was far from disappointed. The event was something I will not be forgetting for as long as I remain only as dead as I presently am.

It has taken me a while to fully gather my thoughts on the event that unfolded in Shreveport that night. Truth be told, I am still reeling in some ways, but I can only imagine it will help me finalize some thoughts if I simply get the events out on paper now.

My night began, as most do, with Bianca. @EricsButt seemed to possess a mind of it's own almost immediately upon my rising, but my mind was focused on the approaching event. Before we left my home to venture to the venue, Bianca presented me with a gift I can only say made me smile. It was a first edition of Shakespeare's First Folio, a book that included the first printing of The Taming of the Shrew. That play will forever hold a special place in my silent heart and I know the same is true for her as well. I can remember word for word the message she wrote upon the card she presented me with now. "You stopped my heart from the moment I met you, long before you turned me. I could ask for no better Maker than you, and hope more than anything to be by your side forever. Never forget that." I really do hope I never forget that, even if I sincerely doubt it now and then.

Along with @BarmaidSookie, we made our way to Chuck E. Cheese where many guests had already gathered including @WereLee, @JustMakenna, @DeviousLucas, @TaliaPerrault, @RyderHard, @RomanLucious, @were_lucian, @SaraElle69, and @EmoPam. Even @PrinceVladTepes managed to show up in order to slay many of the amusement park-like games the establishment offered just as he slayed my washer and dryer (at least, that was what he did before breaking @pamiravencroft's arm and fucking Bianca at the party, but that is entirely another entry on it's own). @AbiStewart, who had already gifted me with a present that brought a smile to my face, blessed me with an additional gift by finding and dragging along my nearly-constantly downtimed newborn, @NolanFerrior. I was pleased to see my future progeny, @LaceyTB, among the crowd as well (though how in the future her turning will be is again, another entry all it's own). @CalienteChloe was hard to miss among the celebrators as well. I felt her eyes glued to my ass the moment I stepped foot in the oversized rodent's den. She seemed a strange mixture of happy and incredibly sad, but her situation is rather unique, to say the least.

For the first time since their births and the destruction of my last Corvette, I saw @AshnSugarbaby. Already they have gotten so big, sometimes it is difficult to remember how quickly tiny humans grow. At least, Sugarbaby has grown. Ash is a runt and a midget, one I am certain Sugarbaby, the obviously superior twin, will eventually consume. I have my fingers crossed she'll put the thing named after @DavidCallum out of his misery before they ever reach a year old. @VampyJo, who gifted me with tickets to a Colts game, brought her and the Were's infant, @WereBabyLily along as well, so there were teacups galore present. I was reluctant to let Sugarbaby go, but I made an exception when the giant rat hosting the event informed me I was needed upon stage for a present.

And what a present it was.

I've always had a bit of a- what is it human's call such a thing?- crush on @EmoEricNorthman's assistant. @KamanaLei's a fairy, what sane vampire could resist? And that was before being gifted with the performance of a lifetime. The fairy had gotten wind that I have a certain fondness for capybaras ever since Nolan was rescued by one after he was thrown into a gator farm by Roman and I, and @CapyBrier still follows me around from time to time. I was treated to a lap dance by the exquisite smelling fae all while she was wearing a capybara mask. It was something I had certainly never experienced before, but I have to admit it, I liked it a whole lot.

After the fairy lap dance, things got a bit hazy for me, as it tends to be when that intoxicating aroma hangs in the air. The giant rodent expired quite unexpectantly somewhere near the bar. I remember EmoEric presented me with a present of livestock and I couldn't have been happier. The next thing I remember, I was being covered in butter and pushed through a tunnel into a pit of primary colored balls. The haze remains until some creature arose from the depths of the pit and scared all the townfolk away on a quest for the Lieutenant. I sent her after the Deputy instead before grabbing my gifts and heading out myself with Sookie, Nolan, and Chloe in tow.

Note to self: Get something to transport livestock. When squirrels are passing my vehicle, something is not right. I hereby pledge never to drive at half the speed of squirrel again.

Once I got the livestock to cooperate enough we made it to Chloe's dwelling, she kissed my ass. I don't mean kissed it as it is normally kissed by the Deputy and the masses, I mean she literally kissed my ass. I wonder if it tasted of butter after that ball pit. Needless to say, it was quite a way to end my night.

After such an adventure, I am sure of a few things. One, the ball pit at Chuck E. Cheese contains horrendous secrets. Two, the capybara is superior to other large, alcoholic rodents. Three, Nolan really does need to wear a bell. Four, Sookeh will forever be my family.

I have landed myself in a predicament that entails a turning, or death, do you know of any vamp that has had this similar choice to make, and even if they did not want it, were forced into the change...Do they like what they are now?

Turning or death, there's really not much of a difference since they both involve an end. Every vampire in existence has had such a choice to make. Few of us that are older than the five years or so we've been "out of the coffins" were ever given the freedom to decide our fate, and there have been many vampires long past who have ended themselves because they preferred death to what they had become.

I did not choose this existence for myself. Had I been given the opportunity when I- quite literally- met my Maker, I imagine I would have chosen it, if only because I am not the kind who surrenders to death. I had no idea such a being existed as the one I became, but I adapted in time, and now cannot imagine anything else. This is my true nature. I do not desire anything but it.

I have made many vampire since I was turned. Most my age have. None of my children, with the exception of @NolanFerrior (and hopefully, eventually, @LaceyStripped) were given a choice in the matter, yet all of them have embraced this existence as much as one can, and that is the only reason they exist still today. One can educate themselves as much as possible, I went out of my way to prepare Nolan and Lacey for their turnings, but no amount of preparation ever truly can make such a choice easier. This version of death a vampire experiences instead of the simple end a human comes to expect is indescribable, and there is no anticipating it.

You would be hard pressed to find a self-loathing vampire. While I am sure there are some out there somewhere, we only last because we deserve to last, and you only deserve to last if you love what you have become and embrace it with every ounce of your being.

Ask a Viking vampire what inquiring minds wish to know

if a human kills a vampire, is the punishment death? What if the human was forced into doing it and it wasn't her fault and she tried not to but her hand was forced, is she at fault?

It depends who the vampire is, how and why they are killed, how much influence and power the vampire in question has, whether or not retaliation without exposure is possible, whether or not there is anyone to seek retaliation... the list goes on and on. Personally, I believe if a human manages to end a vampire without doing so in an underhanded way (such as attacking during daylight), the vampire wasn't truly deserving of this existence in the first place. There's really very little honor in being bested by a breather.

The circumstances surrounding why a human would do such a thing really matter very little in that regards. If a human is forced and there is someone who wants retaliation in existence, they really shouldn't expect to be allowed to voice their reasons for their actions, nor should they expect for the possible party to present any kind of understanding. If a human were ever in such a situation, I would say the best they could do for any kind of insurance in the situation would be to get the aid of more powerful vampires or beings and simply hope for the best while bracing themselves for the worst.

That being said, if a human ever wanted to kill @TruBloodBill, I won't be seeking any kind of retaliation as his Sheriff, nor would I make it easy for any other vampire to do so.

Just putting that out there...

Ask a Viking vampire what inquiring minds wish to know

how did you become sheriff of area five? what makes you qualified to be sheriff? do you hope to someday be king, like stan?

I became Sheriff of Area Five by spending centuries working my way through the vampire hierarchy. I proved myself as a warrior, as a Maker, as a leader, and as a tactician. I devoted time and energy to establishing alliances with other political minded vampires. I shed blood for my kind, I took my beatings, and I never complained.

Shortly after turning @pamiravenscroft, I made the journey with her to the New World which was far from an easy venture at the time for a vampire. Few of the undead called America home, and I was one of the oldest. In a time when the world was less than vampire accommodating, I had survived and proved my tenacity. My knowledge and experience was valued, and I was given the chance to prove I had what it takes to possess such a position of power.

Not even close to all Sheriffs are my age. In fact, I am considerably older than many of the Kings and Queens in various territories. One day, I aspire to be a King. My children often remind me that if I ever intend on becoming such a thing, I must learn to better control myself, more particularly, my temper, but I believe it will happen when the time is right.

Ask a Viking vampire what inquiring minds wish to know

What is happiness and or completion to you? What do you think it is? Do you think when you find it you will know you have it?

To me, happiness and completion go together hand-in-hand. One cannot truly possess happiness unless they are complete. One cannot be complete unless they are happy with everything around them.

I vaguely recall a genuine happiness from my mortal life. It was a feeling of pride and joy, a feeling that could not be fought. It was a smile that wouldn't waver and a pleasure that had nothing to do with physical satisfaction or temporary, fleeting successes.

Such things for a vampire are no doubt as impossible and as implausible as I believe them to be. We have eternity ahead of us. How can one ever truly be complete? Happiness of today will not last forever. We know such things. I have watched everything I have ever known pass away and evolve into something new and strange while I never change. I have walked the earth century after century and nothing has remained as it is but me. How can I be happy when I know anything I enjoy tonight will only end eventually? How can I feel complete when I know my existence will not be ending any time soon? If I am completed tonight, is existing any longer even fruitful? Necessary? Hardly. What is eternity if you do not always strive for more?

I don't know if I would recognize either if I truly had them. I like to think I would. I have seen others find happiness. I wish it for myself more than I care to admit. I will always seek it. If I ever manage to find it, I hope it as powerful as I believe it to be, and it will be worth any consequence such feeling causes.

Ask a Viking vampire what inquiring minds wish to know

What happens to human emotions when one becomes vampire? Do they disappear, decrease, twist in some way? Beyond hunger, lust, possessiveness, anger...what do vampires feel?

Whether we choose to admit such a thing or not, vampires are capable of feeling anything and everything a human feels. Good, bad, or somewhere in between, we are capable of it all. Do we all allow for ourselves to feel everything? No. Do some feelings become difficult to have over the course of time? Undoubtedly.

We often talk about letting our feelings die as we do, but truly, it's mostly in regard to feelings of guilt. A vampire cannot allow himself to feel guilt as a human would. It's simply impossible when we prey upon the very race we once belonged to for sustenance and for survival. We can't regret death, nor being a murderer, not when it means survival for ourselves. Do I regret things? As much as I would like to say I am without such a burden, I am not. Do I ever feel guilty for doing what I must to survive? Never.

And that's really what being a vampire is about. We feel and admit to feeling only what will help us survive and thrive in the world we find ourselves perpetually bound to. Feelings of affection, feelings that go deeper than lust, anger, annoyance... they are costly. They set a vampire up to put others before himself. They create vulnerabilities. When it only takes a moment of vulnerability to end our existence, is the price of feeling "love," "happiness," "compassion," or anything else worth second death?

Well, that is up to each vampire individually. To me, nothing is worth second death.

Do I remember clearly what feelings were like when I was alive? I remember feeling everything more. As it is now, my feelings are stunted and cautious. It is easy to feel mistrusting, suspicious, angry, enraged, and lustful. They keep me guarded and safe, whole, and still present. Am I capable of feeling more? I like to believe I am, but the risk of doing so is so undeniable, I do not know if I would ever allow for myself to do so even if the opportunity presented itself. And if I did, actually admitting to such aloud would be nearly unthinkable.

Ask a Viking vampire what inquiring minds wish to know