Belated Thoughts on Father's Day

Dear Journal,

I have never thought much of Father's Day. I believe the purpose of the "holiday" is to congratulate males for successfully impregnating females by producing offspring. It's a relatively recent invention, something within the last hundred years or so, but apparently it is openly celebrated and acknowledged by many. I have never celebrated one before. To be honest, I never believed I would, but for once in my long existence, I was wrong (and it's the first time that happened, I swear to the gods).

I owe my adventure into Father's Day to none other than @Sookeh. I know even you must be puzzled by how I have come to be Sookeh's father, dear journal, but I once informed her that I had bedded her mother (true story), and, long story short, it was decided I was her father. Of course, I am well aware I can no longer produce children and have been unable to for the last thousand years, give or take a few decades, but I must admit, I felt a kinship to the Evil One from the very beginning. Not only is she wonderfully evil and perverse, but she finds nothing sacred and no one untouchable. Add into that equation that she has inherited a posterior as well admired as my own and I will forever consider her my evil daughter. After watching @BiancaNorthman bond with her by performing more than a fair share of cruel acts on completely innocent parties, I am positive she is as much my own as anyone else living or dead can claim to be.

For that reason alone, when I found out she intended on throwing me a Father's Day celebration, I could only look forward to it... as much as one can when they worry animal sacrifices may be involved, anyway. After having my car dismantled by Sookeh's neighbors in the Evil Trailer Park of Doom during her baby shower, I have decided to be prepared for anything when it comes to her celebrations. I had never heard of this "Chuck E. Cheese" place the event was being held at, but I was far from disappointed. The event was something I will not be forgetting for as long as I remain only as dead as I presently am.

It has taken me a while to fully gather my thoughts on the event that unfolded in Shreveport that night. Truth be told, I am still reeling in some ways, but I can only imagine it will help me finalize some thoughts if I simply get the events out on paper now.

My night began, as most do, with Bianca. @EricsButt seemed to possess a mind of it's own almost immediately upon my rising, but my mind was focused on the approaching event. Before we left my home to venture to the venue, Bianca presented me with a gift I can only say made me smile. It was a first edition of Shakespeare's First Folio, a book that included the first printing of The Taming of the Shrew. That play will forever hold a special place in my silent heart and I know the same is true for her as well. I can remember word for word the message she wrote upon the card she presented me with now. "You stopped my heart from the moment I met you, long before you turned me. I could ask for no better Maker than you, and hope more than anything to be by your side forever. Never forget that." I really do hope I never forget that, even if I sincerely doubt it now and then.

Along with @BarmaidSookie, we made our way to Chuck E. Cheese where many guests had already gathered including @WereLee, @JustMakenna, @DeviousLucas, @TaliaPerrault, @RyderHard, @RomanLucious, @were_lucian, @SaraElle69, and @EmoPam. Even @PrinceVladTepes managed to show up in order to slay many of the amusement park-like games the establishment offered just as he slayed my washer and dryer (at least, that was what he did before breaking @pamiravencroft's arm and fucking Bianca at the party, but that is entirely another entry on it's own). @AbiStewart, who had already gifted me with a present that brought a smile to my face, blessed me with an additional gift by finding and dragging along my nearly-constantly downtimed newborn, @NolanFerrior. I was pleased to see my future progeny, @LaceyTB, among the crowd as well (though how in the future her turning will be is again, another entry all it's own). @CalienteChloe was hard to miss among the celebrators as well. I felt her eyes glued to my ass the moment I stepped foot in the oversized rodent's den. She seemed a strange mixture of happy and incredibly sad, but her situation is rather unique, to say the least.

For the first time since their births and the destruction of my last Corvette, I saw @AshnSugarbaby. Already they have gotten so big, sometimes it is difficult to remember how quickly tiny humans grow. At least, Sugarbaby has grown. Ash is a runt and a midget, one I am certain Sugarbaby, the obviously superior twin, will eventually consume. I have my fingers crossed she'll put the thing named after @DavidCallum out of his misery before they ever reach a year old. @VampyJo, who gifted me with tickets to a Colts game, brought her and the Were's infant, @WereBabyLily along as well, so there were teacups galore present. I was reluctant to let Sugarbaby go, but I made an exception when the giant rat hosting the event informed me I was needed upon stage for a present.

And what a present it was.

I've always had a bit of a- what is it human's call such a thing?- crush on @EmoEricNorthman's assistant. @KamanaLei's a fairy, what sane vampire could resist? And that was before being gifted with the performance of a lifetime. The fairy had gotten wind that I have a certain fondness for capybaras ever since Nolan was rescued by one after he was thrown into a gator farm by Roman and I, and @CapyBrier still follows me around from time to time. I was treated to a lap dance by the exquisite smelling fae all while she was wearing a capybara mask. It was something I had certainly never experienced before, but I have to admit it, I liked it a whole lot.

After the fairy lap dance, things got a bit hazy for me, as it tends to be when that intoxicating aroma hangs in the air. The giant rodent expired quite unexpectantly somewhere near the bar. I remember EmoEric presented me with a present of livestock and I couldn't have been happier. The next thing I remember, I was being covered in butter and pushed through a tunnel into a pit of primary colored balls. The haze remains until some creature arose from the depths of the pit and scared all the townfolk away on a quest for the Lieutenant. I sent her after the Deputy instead before grabbing my gifts and heading out myself with Sookie, Nolan, and Chloe in tow.

Note to self: Get something to transport livestock. When squirrels are passing my vehicle, something is not right. I hereby pledge never to drive at half the speed of squirrel again.

Once I got the livestock to cooperate enough we made it to Chloe's dwelling, she kissed my ass. I don't mean kissed it as it is normally kissed by the Deputy and the masses, I mean she literally kissed my ass. I wonder if it tasted of butter after that ball pit. Needless to say, it was quite a way to end my night.

After such an adventure, I am sure of a few things. One, the ball pit at Chuck E. Cheese contains horrendous secrets. Two, the capybara is superior to other large, alcoholic rodents. Three, Nolan really does need to wear a bell. Four, Sookeh will forever be my family.