Fairies and Witches and Weres, Oh My

In the modern vernacular, I believe the living would refer to the last few weeks of my existence as a “clusterfuck.” I am not entirely certain where that particular word comes from or what brought about its formation, but considering it contains the word fuck, I can hardly find fault with its usage.

But I digress.

The last few weeks of my existence have been quite a “clusterfuck.”

It began- as so many things do- with @RomanLucious. After two years spent shuttling between Mississippi and New York, my prodigal Deputy has finally returned to Shreveport. The two years were not without news, though seldom did Roman and I exchange words or information directly. Vampire politics always has been and always will be a dangerous and deadly game, so volatile the board it is played upon threatens to be turned over at any given moment. Being Sheriffs of different Kingdoms hardly allowed for Roman and I to remain on cordial terms when Kings and Queens are quick to assume treachery for far lesser sins. Sources and allies delivered word of his movement to me, and I would be naïve- something I most assuredly am not- to assume the same was not true for him.

My sources did little to prepare me for his abrupt arrival at @BarWithABite, however. I hadn’t received so much as a whisper that he might be venturing to my corner of Louisiana, yet there I was, dressing for another wasted night spent being  gawked at by the worthless fangbangers that flock to Fangtasia, when I felt him as clearly as I would feel one of my own progeny. Though I trust my blood with everything that I am, I doubted it in that moment until I laid eyes on him. Once more, my blood had not led me astray. When I arrived at the club, there he was with the witch @MenaGrazie, as if it hadn’t been more than seven hundred nights since he had last entered it.

I believe humans would refer to those first few moments as “awkward.” Personally, I would prefer to think of them as having been tense. Bonds and blood mean more than most could ever fathom, yet no vampire who has survived as long as the pair of us have is quick to drop his guard without just cause. I was curious, doubtful, incredibly suspicious, and- I’m not too proud to admit- relieved to see him.

There is good reason @fangtastic_Pam is my Second. After exchanging greetings with Roman, she wisely decided to shut the two of us away in my office to sort through his reasons for returning to Area Five. Granted, she likely regretted that decision before the night was through, but it was necessary in the moment.

I should have known I wasn’t going to enjoy the reasons for our reunion the moment he pulled out the flask of fae blood. Not that Roman has ever needed an excuse to gorge himself with fae, but he drank first, and I appreciated the act for what it was… a sign he hadn’t come to betray my trust or to end me, so I indulged in turn as a measure of good faith. In retrospect, I probably shouldn’t have. It made me much too open to accepting his reasons for being in Shreveport, which, naturally, were solely because of @PrinceVladTepes. The deputy’s long standing feud with The Prince is the sort of thing legends and nightmares are made of. It’s woven throughout history like a bloodied tapestry. Every time the pair cross paths, nothing but destruction, devastation, and death lay in their wake.

As much as I would like to at times, I cannot fault Roman for feeling haunted by The Prince. If anyone is, it is most certainly him. With the Prince residing in New Orleans, he has returned to Area Five to finally end the feud and unshackle his eternity from that of Dracula or meet his final death once and for all. It’s a noble quest, even if entirely delusional. A large part of me would like nothing more than to see Roman free from the clutches of the Prince, yet another part of me knows it would never be so simple as that. Should he succeed, vampire law would demand he be ended, along with anyone who might have helped him, living or undead. Knowing his intentions, just agreeing to allow him into Area Five could be deemed punishable with Second Death.

So, of course, I gave him permission. Now it’s just a game of distracting him from his quest for the sake of us all.

Fortunately, there has been a fair amount happening to keep him from rushing head first into his self-appointed suicide mission. The same night Roman arrived in Shreveport, his adopted child @VampyJo sought me out at Fangtasia with news of her husband, @were_lucian. For months, the Werewolf had been suffering from a Stage 4, inoperable brain tumor. Specialist after specialist had been unable to do anything for the pup, and while JoAnna’s blood eased some symptoms, it was incapable of reaching the root of the problem in order to cure it. Though my knowledge and understanding of modern medicine is extremely lacking, once I was handed Lucian’s medical files, it took me very little time to determine he was dying.

I had no doubt JoAnna intended to turn him, and she was quick to confirm it, though she had no shortage of reservations. Lucian had expressed his desire to be turned, but given JoAnna’s own experiences with her mad Maker, she questioned her capability and sought advice. I was willing to provide it, and quickly agreed to be present for both Lucian’s death and his raising. I may not have been her Maker, nor even her adopted Maker, but JoAnna has always been loyal to me and has proven herself trustworthy time and time again, and I was honored to take on the role of her mentor for such an important turning. Begrudgingly, I could even admit to a slight fondness of the Were, even if he did stink of dog. Seeing him turned, though many would not approve, was preferable to a mortal death.

Death was in the air, it seemed, though I wouldn’t learn of @NiftyJenny’s passing until she told me of it herself, and with a beating heart, no less. To say that I was fascinated by her story would be quite the understatement. Jenny had died in Bon Temps a few nights before she sought an audience with me at Fangtasia. After reading her obituary in the paper, @BiancaNorthman’s bonded witch @LiamDelancy and her homosexual dayperson witch, @OscarBrooks, exhumed her body with the intention of returning her to this world, something they succeeded in doing with @TisaMoreno and a necromancer, @WitchyHannah. To say that I was intrigued to learn @TeacherHalleigh’s sister raises the dead in her spare time would be putting it mildly, though I maintained a well-practiced air of disinterest.

A vampire can never let a human know when they hold more cards than they realize.

Jenny had not returned from death the same as she had entered it. Whether it was from her time on “the other side” or from the witches, I know not, but she has returned to this world mortal, yet other. She is able to discern races by smell, not so unlike a vampire, but perhaps more intriguing still is the damage she can cause when angered or threatened. I am naturally curious of her abilities along with the potential they hold, and since she has long been a human I found worthy of their existence, it seemed only natural to offer her a position at Fangtasia. She is now a bartender for the club and has invented a drink called a “Totally Tits Martini.” I have no idea what goes into it, but quite frankly, she had job security at the very mention of breasts.

Seeing Jenny at Fangtasia nightly naturally led me to thoughts of @BrierFerrior. It had been some time since the WerePanther had left Fangtasia for pursuits elsewhere in the world. I hardly make it a habit to contact former employees of the bar- not that there are many former employees who aren’t dead- but I had always thought of Nolan as “mine.” He may not have been bonded to me, but he had always been more bearable company than any other slave of the moon I had known and seemed to prefer the company of humans and vampires to that of his own kind. He had long been fiercely loyal to me, and I didn’t require an exchange of blood to know he was trustworthy.

It turned out that Nolan had pursued a career in shoveling sodium. Prior to this, I had no idea salt required shoveling, and I’m still uncertain as to why it does. I assume it’s a cat thing, but I don’t really know why. Though his choice in replacement profession was questionable, he proved his intelligence by jumping at the chance to return to Fangtasia. Nolan belongs at the bar in the same way Pam or myself do. It is simply not the same without him, and he was happy for the opportunity to return (not that anyone could blame him when he would otherwise spend his mortal existence shoveling a seasoning).

While Nolan’s professional life left much to be desired, his personal life seems to have flourished. Nolan is now a married man, not to mention an expectant father. @BrookeFerrior is a WerePanther as well, currently pregnant with their child, and who has a half-fae child from a previous relationship. Nolan introduced us his first night returned to Fangtasia, and she is a good choice in woman for him. She is attractive and quick-witted and considering she is mother to a half-fae, smells surprisingly good for one of the two-natured. She will keep Nolan on his toes and help me make sure his existence is filled with surprises and “coincidences” that happen to amuse me to no end. Needless to say, I approve.

Another former employee of Fangtasia has “tied the knot,” as they say. At least, I think that’s what they say. Human idioms have always evaded me. @MelissaHiggens invited Roman and I to her nuptials to another vampire, @KyvanRus. I had never met Kyvan before, but it is obvious he makes Melissa happy, and for two vampire to pledge themselves to one another for eternity is no small thing. The ceremony was pleasant and I am pleased Melissa is happy.

Considerably less happy throughout the ceremony was Pam. I could feel her significant discomfort throughout the wedding, and had to excuse myself shortly after the reception began. Pam’s progeny, @Pams_firstboy and @TaraThornton_ had fed upon donors who had been drugged in some manner, and were weakened to the point the slowest of humans could have ended them with ease. I may not tell her often, but Pam truly is a good Maker. She knows when to discipline and when to offer compassion. I have never seen her take away their freewill, though it would be easy for her to do. She allows them great freedoms and shows significant amounts of trust. I can feel that she cares for her progeny, and she suffered for their pain then. After giving blood to Tara, Pam was too depleted to offer Colin the healing he required if he was going to last the night, so I provided Colin with my blood. It took them a few nights to fully heal and replenish from the ordeal, but they recovered, and I am relieved for Pam that they have.

There would be no recovering for Lucian, however, and in short order, it was time for JoAnna to turn him. I ordered @VaughnBrennan to dig the hole in which Lucian would spend his three days death to spare JoAnna the task, and after quite the fiasco with my youngest child and fueled by @winnieYTM that I refuse to get into, it was time for Lucian to be turned. @WereLily and @SpencerColtTB had left the Maxwell residence prior to Roman and I arriving to bear witness to the event, and that was certainly for the best. It was the first time I had seen Lucian in some time, and his condition was dire. It was no small gift of Fate that he had managed to last as long as he had.

It was a difficult turning to witness. Lucian and JoAnna had exchanged blood more times than could be counted, and in order for the Were to be made a vampire, the bond had to be severed. JoAnna’s pain was obvious and abundant, and it was more than apparent the three days waiting for Lucian to rise would be the longest and most agonizing of her existence.

It may be selfish to confess, but I am a selfish vampire, and in those moments, I could not help but think of @BarmaidSookie. My bonded has made me feel more things in the brief time I have known and been with her than I can recall experiencing in centuries before. Though Sookie has expressed no desire to be turned and though I have no interest in ending her humanity when I enjoy it as much as I do, I cannot fathom my existence without her in it. Should I ever face a night when I no longer feel her very life force within me, I don’t know what I would do. It has become something I need as desperately as I need sustenance. I refuse to believe there might be a future without her in it, and if there is, I would rather destroy the world than exist in it.

Let it never be said JoAnna is weak. I have little doubt she handled the situation far better than I would have.

Roman and I buried them together, since JoAnna refused to leave Lucian’s side, even though she felt nothing from him, and he was locked into the death that accompanies our transition. I checked in on her over the following nights, making certain she wasn’t losing herself to the agony of the severed bond, but she held up impressively well for a vampire of any age, let alone one as young as she is. On the third night, I unburied them alone and was there to offer my congratulations to JoAnna on being a Maker and to assess the now youngest vampire in my territory.

Lucian’s situation is a delicate one. Making vampires out of Weres is not an embraced situation on either side of the Supernatural fence (fuck fences!). Lucian is left with a foot in two separate worlds, on both sides of a battle and rivalry that has been raging for all of time, and neither side will be quick to accept his allegiance nor to trust it. Even I will admit to being leery and acknowledge I am watching the situation closely. Because I advised JoAnna and value her, I am invested now in Lucian’s existence, though whether or not the newborn appreciates that remains to be seen. I wish to see him flourish as a vampire, and embrace this existence, one he is fortunate to have been given, but his struggle with his new nature would be obvious, even if JoAnna hadn’t confessed there have been issues.

Of course, I’m sure part of that is because the Were side of the ongoing feud has been making its presence and feelings known. JoAnna told me both the @WereAlcide had the bathroom befouler @WereTDawson have voiced their opinions on the matter. I can only roll my eyes at that. Where is a damn newspaper to smack them in their noses with when you need one?

The first few full moons following his turning will be the true test of Lucian’s future. If he is able to accept and embrace his new nature, it will be made apparent then. For JoAnna’s sake, I hope he does not destroy himself. Considering the first time he properly fed on one of the living, it was that of his adopted son, Spencer, I fear Lucian’s experiences thus far have not been ideal. I don’t truly believe he would destroy himself intentionally, but if he does not learn, adapt, and embrace what he now is, his taste of immortality may be brief, especially since many odd things seem to be afoot.

And nothing is more odd than what happened after the Deputy finally returned to Fangtasia after vanishing for a week following Lucian’s human death. I had suspected Roman’s claims of chasing fae in Monroe was all a clever ruse in order for him to secretly pursue the Prince in New Orleans. His witch was able to track and locate him there, and after I demanded he return to Area Five, she insured his arrival. I was less than pleased he was foolishly entering the Prince’s territory on his own, and JoAnna proved she has no fear of her adopted Maker and had no qualms offering her own opinion on the matter, but none of that was truly bizarre.

What was odd was who arrived in the middle of what was about to become a bloody battle. Fangtasia has always attracted a very wide spectrum of clientele, but the one Supernatural family we fail to lure in is that of the fae. I suppose those delicious tasting beings have enough sense of self-preservation to avoid our little slice of Shreveport. All except for my bonded’s cousin, @ClaudeCrane, that is. He demanded entrance into my office and after Sookie allowed him admittance, he began ranting and raving with news I still chuckle at the reminder of.

It seems Roman hadn’t been entirely dishonest when he had claimed he was visiting fae in Monroe. At some point in time between the two of us burying JoAnna and Lucian and his witch retrieving him from New Orleans, Roman married the fruity fae. Claude had a signed marriage contract, written by @SkyPrinceNiall himself, and signed in blood by both Claude and the Deputy. The news was enough for a centuries old vampire to seemingly lose consciousness (I didn’t think such was truly possible, yet I’m not sure I wouldn’t have done the same had our positions been reversed), and I was tasked with seeking out the demon Cataliades to see if the contract was as true as it seemed to be upon first sight.

It was. Roman and the fruity fae are man and… man, much to the Deputy’s dismay and to the amusement of all others.

As amusing as I find it (and I most certainly do find it amusing), I also find the union troubling for so many reasons, a number of which I’d rather not think on now, or ever. Just as we are not fond of fae beyond the blood their bodies offer, Niall Brigant of all fae is no friend to the vampire. My relationship with his bonded has, as far as I am aware, never been accepted by him, nor embraced, and my lover is only one-eighth fairy. Claude is the only pure-blooded male heir in Niall’s line, and Roman is nothing short of a fae blood addict. I cannot imagine it is Niall’s intention to see his only grandson drained until he is nothing more than fairy dust, even if seems that is the most likely outcome. Fairies are deceitful, manipulative, and always with their own agenda. I refuse to underestimate Niall’s cunning, and can’t imagine there isn’t some significance to this union that hasn’t yet been realized.

Figuring out what it might be seems unlikely, however. The contract is written and worded in a cryptic way that seems likely fairies might understand, but it is impossible to decode without some knowledge of the intention behind it. Mr. Cataliades offered no insight, only saying he refused to be involved with any interference we may attempt concerning a contract written by Niall, which is far from promising. I suppose I will simply hope the fruity fairy or one of his kin spills the secrets of it before Claude is drained.

I hate hoping. It never tends to end well.

Since hope is unreliable, I’ve begun taking matters into my own hands, or at the least, gathering support where I might. Between arranged fae-vampire marriages and @DakotaARyan informing me Dracula may be aware of more than we realized, I’ve began moving my own pieces on to the board, just in case. As I always say, I fucking hate witches. There is no such thing as reiterating that enough. Still, after being nearly drained only to have my bar burned down around me a few years ago, I can admit they have an impressive amount of power for mere mortals. Reluctantly, I can also admit not every witch has been a proverbial stake to my side. Bianca has long been fond of her witches, Roman’s witch Mena has proven useful to him, and the school teacher’s sister has even proven herself useful.

So I’ve decided to find myself a witch. Yes, I still fucking hate witches and will continue to do so, but I refuse to not possess a weapon I could find use for. Finding one to trust is difficult, however. I kept an ear to the ground and learned of a witch out of New Orleans who has been punished for being a witch (including by other witches) nearly as much as I have been punished by witches. @JadeChiara_ had no ties to the vampire community whatsoever, which was another point in his favor. After taking a meeting with him in Fangtasia, I have decided to hire him for my uses. He could prove to be quite useful, especially if he could succeed in tracking down that ginger-menace @BrodyKeyes where all others have failed.

In an odd twist of fate, Jade operates a tattoo shop out of New Orleans with @DareDevilDestin. He has used his magic to create inks that can be used to tattoo even vampire skin without quickly vanishing. I find myself strangely tempted to indulge, despite the fact that Sookie was less than fond of the last time I did such a thing.

@AppiusOcella has been extremely quiet as of late, and I fail to know whether I should appreciate such or be concerned. My Maker has seemingly made it his eternity’s purpose to see me and what I hold dear suffer for the night Roman staked Alexei, and in the past, quiet has meant he is up to something. What he might possibly be up to, I cannot imagine, but it has me slightly on edge. Perhaps that is my own paranoia, however, since I have begun planning my own treachery against him.

Planning is perhaps an overstatement, since I truly have no idea how I will go about doing such a thing, but I intend on freeing Vaughn from his clutches. Turning and giving Appius the drug-addled busboy in exchange for not taking Roman’s life for Alexei’s second death has long been a source of much contention between myself and Bianca, and remains so to this day. She loathes the fact that I surrendered my blood so easily, despite the fact that I truly had little choice in the matter, and uses any mention of Vaughn to express her dissatisfaction with me. What she doesn’t seem to realize, however, is I despise myself enough for both of us for having done it in the first place.

Since the incident with the hole at the Maxwell home I refuse to discuss, I have realized how dire my youngest child’s situation truly is. In the few times I have seen Vaughn since the night he rose, he had always been with Appius, and he was hardly allowed the permission and freedom to speak, especially to me. I have often felt his suffering and loneliness strumming through the bond we share, but nothing could have prepared me for what Vaughn has become… or hasn’t become, would perhaps be a more accurate way of putting it. My child, despite having been a vampire for a few years, is practically human. He barely seems to grasp the fact that he is undead and seems to have no knowledge of our abilities and strengths, nor how to use them. From the look and manner of him, I suspect he has never so much as fed upon human blood.

I expected Appius to torture or simply end him for the inevitable ache it would cause me. I didn’t expect him to do this.

I don’t know how I will accomplish it, but it is my responsibility to free my child from my Maker once and for all. Hopeless as he may be, Vaughn is mine, and he deserves at least a chance at this existence. I will teach him and introduce him to his true nature because it is his right, and if he remains as hopeless as he was the night he defiled JoAnna’s lawn, I will do the kind thing and end him. Now, I just have to figure out how to obtain him without drawing the ire of my Maker. Bianca’s anger (and petulant, infuriating furniture rearrangement) is more than enough.

Through it all, Sookie has remained my island of sanity throughout the storm of chaos that wages around me. I would be lost without her.

On a related note, I owe her a new kitchen table.

Where Has the Time Gone?

The sun has just set in Stockholm and I've risen to find my lover curled up beside me, eyes closed with a peaceful expression resting upon her face I have memorized with my fingertips and lips so many times over. The sweet, crisp smell of the winter wind coupled with the salty smell of the nearby sea clings to her skin from our adventures in the snow last night. I can barely concentrate on those when the scent of her blood and our sex still hangs so prevalent in the air, however. It takes a great amount of willpower for me to resist rousing her from her slumber in my favorite way, but my lover is exhausted. I can feel this threaded through our bond. So for now, I will let her sleep.

Truly, I can understand her exhaustion. The holiday season and all that has followed it since has been hectic with seldom a moment to spare. @BarmaidSookie and I have had little time to rest or relax, something neither her nor I will voice any word of complaint about. We have been surrounded by those we value and care for in the past days and nights, and I can feel that Sookie feels blessed for this. When my lover is in such spirits, I cannot help but smile myself.

It is, however, high time I take a moment to record these happenings. I have collected centuries worth of journals, each filled to the brim with my thoughts and memories, yet I cannot help but feel that even a thousand years from now, I will read the writings I make now most often, treasuring them above all others.

Sookie and all that she has given me truly has changed me.

Nothing could have been made more obvious after a night alone at her deteriorating farmhouse was interrupted by a very uninvited guest. When the knock came on the door, I thought little of it. Sookie is often visited by the residents of Bon Temps I can barely tolerate the presence of, but when she opened it and I heard the voice of the visitor from her kitchen, it was as if a fear I hadn’t known I had, had been realized.

I have done everything I could to keep Sookie from ever being forced to meet @AppiusOcella. Naturally, he went out of his way to demonstrate exactly why that was.

I could not immediately figure out what had prompted the visit, but the purpose became clear quickly enough. Appius was well aware of the pain I had experienced at the hands of the witches when @BarWithABite was burned. He knew my body was still not whole and I silently cursed the witches who tore through my flesh, leaving me to the pangs of regenerating it, and ultimately giving my Maker this opportunity to approach me and my human under the guise of a favor.

No matter what his words may have said, his true intentions were obvious. He was well aware of my lover and curious of her. It did not take long for him to acknowledge he has been involved with @ClaudeCrane, the fairy who is rapidly becoming a pain in my ass, though not in the way he would certainly choose to be. Sookie was as shocked by this news as I was, not to mention torn between being deeply concerned for her fairy kin and angry at him for speaking of her to a vampire who is undeniably a danger to her.

Appius did not stop there, naturally. He ordered me to feed from him to aid in my healing, and as an order from my Maker, I could not refuse it. The short trek between the chair I had been seated in and the feet of my Maker seemed impossibly long, and I could feel Sookie’s eyes on me as my fangs reluctantly sunk through his wrist and I drank of his ancient blood. The murmurings of approval he offered up as I consumed again of the blood that created me were made worse by the feelings of discomfort resonating through our bond from Sookie.

He was quick to leave, but not quick enough to spare me from feeling more disgusted in myself than I would ever normally allow.

I couldn’t speak a word to Sookie, not one, but she didn’t seem to desire my words or explanation either. There were so many feelings and emotions present that I knew were not my own, but I failed to recognize a single one of them. She immediately went to her phone, to call the fairy for answers, and I went to scrub away the feelings that consumed me in the shower. I went through all the hot water the farmhouse offered me and then some. I felt no cleaner when I exited than when I entered.

I didn’t speak upon emerging either. Sookie was exhausted, and simply asked that she be allowed to retire. I nodded my consent though I did not feel I deserved to hold her as she slumbered, even though she requested it. Until the dawn took me to my daily death, I thought of nothing but how I could possibly right the things between Sookie and I because of my Maker’s visit. There was so much I had never told her. There was so much I had never wanted to tell her. I knew that would be changing, whether I liked it or not.

Mostly, I did not.

Yet at the same time, I did. A piece of me, small, but present regardless, wants to share all I am and all I have ever been with my lover. It is so easy to give the pieces of myself to her that are “good” or “desirable,” but the things I regret, the things I choose to avoid any thought of myself, are much more difficult to unbury. Sookie has been a gift to me, one I know I have not earned and do not deserve, and a part of me is nearly certain I will lose her when she realizes such. Offering her the reasons to walk away seems foolish, yet doesn’t she deserve to know? Doesn’t she deserve to have these choices?

When I rose the following night, Sookie was ready to discuss everything we had avoided the previous night, even if I was reluctant to do so. I can deny her nothing though, and offered her what I could, and what she wished to know. I told her of the night my human life ended. I told her of what greeted me upon my first night as one of the undead. I told her of staking my brother, and the wrath I had incurred from Appius for doing so. Finally, I told her of the price I ultimately paid for such an act… and I could tell it broke her heart to hear it.

I try not to think of @VaughnBrennan and what I did to him, but Sookie wanted to know it all. Turning him as I did only to give him to Appius, knowing he would either meet a second, final death swiftly or be a prisoner at best, is something I struggle with nightly. Regularly, I wish my Maker would have ended him immediately. The loss of a child is damning and encompassing. The void it creates can never be filled, but at least a void is empty. The fact that Appius has not ended him has left me to feel Vaughn’s misery regularly. Each time, I am reminded of how carelessly I treated my blood- everything I am- by giving him to Appius.

Sookie insists I must see to his freedom from Appius. I do not know how I can possibly accomplish this, but I agree. Vaughn is my child, even if he has not seen me since the night he rose, even if he has been imprisoned for nearly a year because of my actions. I must find a way to right this. I cannot comprehend it, but Sookie has forgiven me for what I have done, or will completely if I am able to get Vaughn away from my Maker.

Truly, I do not deserve someone so abnormally good.

My lover and I celebrated the day of Jul the Christians stole from my people and now call Christmas alone together, which was exactly as it should have been. Between all the planning required for our trip to Sweden and the White Elephant party Sookie hosted, along with uninvited visitors creating tension between us, we required the time with one another and the simple peace we bring the other. I offered no words of protest over the many Christmas movies she desired to watch yet again, even if I have them reluctantly memorized from the first time she insisted we view them. I have come to the conclusion I regret not having had a taste of Rosemary Clooney during her White Christmas days, but I have wisely kept this thought to myself.

The night following our Christmas in Bon Temps, Sookie and I drove to Shreveport with Hundr in order to indulge in a holiday family dinner occurring at @VampyJo's residence. @AngeloSenior and his daughter, @GiannaVerdone were present, along with JoAnna’s siblings, @NandoYTM and @AutumnYTM, and, of course, @WereBabyLily. Autumn and JoAnna had concocted what I was told was an Italian meal for the humans, while the vampires present indulged in glass after glass of human blood. Though I knew nothing of the food the humans among us consumed, it smelled somewhat pleasing… with the exception being the garlic bread.

Sookie, thankfully, did not indulge in that.

It was an interesting dynamic at the table. I do not know JoAnna’s siblings as well as I possibly should, beyond the fact that her sister possesses a chest I wouldn’t mind ravaging if I was not so loyal to my lover, and that her brother seems to be attracted to me. Angelo and Gianna seem to be an extended family to the Livingstons, something I knew from our trip to New Jersey, but something I had not truly seen before that night. They are like one family. Things flowed naturally, with a mixture of rivalry and affection in the air, and of course, it’s fair share of cursing.

Gianna has requested that I allow Angelo to live with her, something that I think is a dreadful idea. I have only encountered her a handful of times since being burdened with the task of seeing to Angelo, but the few times have been enough to make me wonder how no one has ever drained her before. The girl is very attractive and apparently eager to have sex with me, but incredibly dim-witted and annoying. I can only imagine that if she were to live with her father, in a moment of newborn hunger, he’d drain the girl without second thought and not regret the silence such an act brought with it for some time.

Still, both she and the vampire insist they desire it. I cannot simply allow Angelo to roam far from me, not without disobeying Appius, something I am as incapable of doing as Angelo is. I have, however, agreed to look into realty in my neighborhood. Perhaps it is not unthinkable to secure the pair a home very nearby my own. At least it would keep Angelo from listening to Sookie and I fuck into the wee hours of the morning.

At one point in time, Sookie threw a shrimp at Gianna. I am not sure what custom this is or what it’s meaning is. I must remember to have Pam or Bianca look into it for me so I know when it is something I should do myself.

Sookie and I told JoAnna a little of the encounter we had had with Appius and about what he had said about Claude. The three of us share a fear that my Maker will end the fruity fairy and in doing so, bring on consequences all of us are unprepared for. Though JoAnna is too young to know of Niall and though Sookie has never met her ancient great-grandfather, I have encountered the fairy prince before, and know well enough the death of his grandson would lead to war.

What concerns me most about such a prospect is the idea that Sookie could be taken from me. Since learning of her fae heritage, I have fought back the feelings of foreboding that threaten to enter my thoughts whenever it or her kin are mentioned. Though my lover has always been, if anything, too kind and generous to those around her, the fairies she shares blood with are just the opposite. JoAnna and Sookie have agreed to pressure Claude to end the foolish relationship he is engaging in with Appius, and I am left only hoping that, for once, the fairy is reasonable.

But I do not truly think he is capable of such a thing.

The next night seemingly proved such. For @CalienteChloe’s birthday, @DavidCallum and @RyderWylde planned a surprise celebration at a Shreveport Mexican restaurant in her honor. Sookie and I went to offer our well wishes to the hot tamale, who I hadn’t spoken to for more than a minute since she literally kissed my ass on Father’s Day. Many familiar faces dotted the restaurant’s population… @JulesBonTemps, @Cathy_BT (who I spanked), @AbigaleDawson, @WereLee, @WereBraiden, @WereAsher, @TedtheFae, and Claude, among others.

Claude seemed to spend the whole party poofing from place to place, spending his time stalking the Lieutenant and @RylanParker equally. I ended up joining the Lieutenant in covering myself in lemon juice, much to Sookie’s disapproval, but with how much tequila the fairy (and others) were consuming, I wasn’t about to take any chances. Despite the fruity fairy doing what he does best in making every straight male in an given place incredibly uncomfortable, Sookie and I had an excellent time, and were able to catch up with many people we had not seen in some time. Seeing Chloe so happy was quite a treat as well, since she certainly hadn’t seemed such a thing when she had been locking her lips to my butt.

When another fairy poofed into the restaurant to deliver the cake and began stripping, Sookie became highly uncomfortable and we were forced to take our leave. I cannot help but be slightly pleased that the only male my lover seems to desire naked is me, not that anyone could ever blame her for such.

With any good fortune, I have ruined her for all other men.

The next night Sookie and I met with @pamiravenscroft, @LaceyTB, @NiftyJenny, Claude, and JoAnna to do some necessary shopping for our time in Sweden. Sookie didn’t seem to believe me that she needed warm clothes for our trip, but with the presence of her friends around her, she seemed slightly more willing to indulge in the spree she views as a chore. She fussed over every price tag, but finally managed to make a number of selections the others seemed to approve of. I certainly approved of her lingerie selection. Since we landed in Sweden, I’ve shredded through a good portion of it already.

She picked a dress for our bonding ceremony and insisted I do not peek. I haven’t, though I have been more than a little tempted. I have seen the shoes she will be wearing with it, and if the dress in any way coordinates, I am certain I will be pleased. While we were shopping, I had to sneak off at one point to pick out more pricy items I was certain she would require for the trip, knowing there was no way she would “allow” me to buy them for her if she was given the option of offering input. She has yet to open the garment bag they are in, but I am sure it is only a matter of time until she does. Hopefully.

It wasn’t all play before Sweden, however. Pam had informed me the humans we were holding prisoner in the basement of Fangtasia were causing her more than a fair share of problems, so @BiancaNorthman was called in to offer her expertise. If there is one thing Bianca is excellent at, it is making a human cooperate. She had an excellent time torturing @Witch_Madison as @AshleyDanielss watched on in terror. With her infliction of pain upon the young witch, Bianca was able to obtain the name of the ginger witch who attacked me… @BrodyKeyes. The Were in question she was less certain of, but after a great deal of blood and prodding, she offered up the name @WereHallow. Bianca extracted an address from the girl as well.

Between Bianca, Pam, and I, it was agreed upon that Madison should not be killed, no matter how tempting it was. Though I had been oblivious to such a thing before, Bianca confessed that her daytime human, @OscarBrooks, is a witch and that he had advised her Madison may be carrying a curse tied to her existence. We decided not to take the risk of unleashing something more upon us, and instead are taking small measures to keep the girl alive, though she barely is.

If she dies of natural causes and not by our hand, however, oh well.

Ashley, we determined, wasn’t truly involved with the witches. Or, at least, was not until locked in the basement with one for nearly two weeks. After a brief discussion, I agreed to glamor her and remove the memories of her time in Fangtasia from her head, along with any memory of the witch she had bonded with in her time there.

I had avoided telling Sookie anything about the prisoners. After she had discovered the purpose of Fangtasia’s basement when learning of @JustLafayette’s time there, I knew well enough it was a topic best avoided altogether. Much may have changed between the two of us since then, but I knew my compassionate lover would still struggle with accepting the measures I must take in order to keep my Area functioning safely and the vampires within it safe.

Before glamoring Ashley, however, I made the confession to her. Sookie was reluctant to join me in the journey the following night to the club to remove the girl’s memories, but she did so, for Ashley’s sake. My lover offered the starving and sick girl food, clothes, and medication while I systematically removed her happenings and replaced them with false memories of my own creation. The looks Sookie gave me could have killed…

Fortunately, death isn’t much of a concern for me.

She was even more reluctant to search Ashley’s thoughts once my glamoring was complete in order to ensure everything had gone according to plan, but my lover did it all the same. She refused to have sex with me that night, and instead made me watch another one of the movies she enjoys so much. Even a single night without her body connecting to mine is like torture. I am going to make a point of keeping business I believe she will disapprove of from her in the future.

Things took an unexpected turn from there in the nights that followed. After not hearing from him in some time, @RomanLucious contacted me, informing me he was in the kingdom of Mississippi to pick up money from the casino he and JoAnna own in Biloxi for Fangtasia’s new security system. Something was undeniably off about the tone of his text messages, but I believed it came from uneasiness he felt being in @VampKingRussell’s territory.

I was wrong.

Well, not entirely wrong. Russell did indeed seek out the Deputy while he was in Mississippi. When Roman returned to Louisiana, he informed me immediately of the ominous, bizarre behavior of the neighboring king, and even I was concerned. We both believe Russell is watching Louisiana, and that he has stationed vampires near our kingdoms’ borders to keep him informed if any Louisiana vampire should cross into his territory. The biker bar the Deputy frequents that lies near the border seems to contain a mole loyal to the Mississippi king. It will all take more looking into.

That wasn’t what seemed to truly be on the Deputy’s mind, however, concerning as it was. I knew something was amiss when one of Roman’s messages acknowledged that he would be spending his daytime death at Fangtasia. When I inquired why he would not return to his dwelling instead, he informed me he had no home to his name any longer.

I offered him a room in my house. Sookie does enjoy being a hostess, and I could not help but be curious as to why my Deputy would believe himself homeless. When he arrived on my doorstep, Roman’s eyes looked every bit their seven century age, and he walked as if the weight of the world was on his shoulders instead of only the weight of an overstuffed duffle bag.

I genuinely had not been prepared for the tale that met me. Though Roman had confessed to having lost his fairy when we spoke at the ball in New Orleans, I had not realized the silence that followed had been directly related to it. He could not protect her, and came to the realization that he could not protect @Baby_Abel either. With a heavy heart, he informed me he had asked @CowgirlVamp to become Abel’s permanent guardian, and asked her to protect and care for his adopted son as he found himself unable to.

I could feel just how much of a loss this was to the Deputy. I have long known of his desires to be a father, something he hadn’t had the privilege of knowing in his human life. He had plans for Abel once he had grown, hoping to one day turn him into his child for eternity. Even though I was less than approving of those plans in particular, I could hardly judge him. Not when I have done all the things I have done.

I could feel his despair through the bond we share, the bond that has made us brothers by choice. I decided to tell him about my true relationship to @VampNiklas, making it the first time I have admitted aloud our connection in seven hundred years time. The words were not easy for me to part with, perhaps because I have always gone out of my way to repress and deny them, and I myself could not stop the rare pangs of guilt and remorse that dotted my feelings at the recollection.

Roman was surprised, as I imagine most would be. I think, however, he understood. Abel may not be of Roman’s blood, but he will always be his son. Perhaps now was not the right time for him, perhaps these circumstances were not all he hoped them to be, but that does not mean it will not happen. A time may come when he is presented with an opportunity to become a Maker, or to once again adopt a child for his own. It may not be Abel, but the relationship he will share with him or her will be as important and significant. It will happen for him.

Whether he realizes it or not, he is a good vampire, with a good head upon his shoulders. One night, he will become a Maker, and he will be a good one. There are hurdles he must overcome, but he will. His hesitancy is all in his mind. I trust the confidence will come in time. He has it in him, he just must recognize it instead of only recognizing his own shortcomings.

He will be welcome to stay with Sookie and I for as long as he may require. It is not as if we do not have the room, and I imagine the Deputy needs the presence of others right now.

With the Deputy nearby, I was given the opportunity to update him on the situation with the witches, as well as my intention to bond to Sookie a third, irrevocable time. Confessing to him that I loved her seemed to catch him off guard, but I do believe he means it when he says he is happy for me. He both agreed to join us in Sweden, and set to work on getting the witches monitored by video feed we’re able to access even in Europe.

While Roman and I were working on checking the video feed of the address the witch called Madison supplied us with, Sookie hosted Lacey for the night. It was safe to say the Deputy hadn’t planned on running into her, but I believe it was a good thing that he did. My lover and I offered the two of them a chance to talk, something I am nearly positive they have not done since the night we felt our connections to Lacey severed. While they spoke, I phoned @QueenBlackwood both to inform her about my leave of absence and to tell her all Roman informed me of Russell. She agreed to make the journey from Las Vegas to Shreveport in order to watch Area Five and the kingdom of Louisiana, and brought with her @TigerLevy, her personal bodyguard, and @Tammyjo__, her liaison to the Were community. She shares many of the concerns Roman and I have about Edington’s interest in the state and will no doubt keep her eyes on Mississippi while there. I know the state and Area Five could not be in better hands during my absence.

It wasn’t all work before we left Shreveport, however. @Kayden_D had invited my lover and I to her impressive home, and Sookie and I were anxious to accept. Since my lover heard her sing at the Blood Ball, she has wanted the chance to meet the enigmatic songstress, and I knew she would not be disappointed. We were greeted immediately by Kayden’s butler, @ButlerChauncey, who is demon at least in part by the scent of him. He made Sookie undeniably nervous. It was quite precious.

We settled down in her sitting room and I was sorely tempted by the ball of yarn and knitting needles that rested in the middle of the coffee table. It seems Kayden had heard of my knitting talents and was eager to see if they were true. What can I say? When a woman has interest in watching me knit, I will knit, every time.

I had been eager for Sookie to meet Kayden if for no reason other than I knew the newborn vampire possesses extraordinary gifts, gifts she had had in life as well. Empathy, though not something normal (or perhaps even desirable) in the undead, is a powerful gift, and one Kayden was quite willing to speak about. She too had struggled with her ability to shield it when she was but a mortal, and explained that it was with the help of an old vampire that she became in better control of her talent.

The one thing I immediately took away from her words was that it was most easy to control once her heart no longer was beating. The fact that her gift hadn’t died with her is also most intriguing to me. It would be a lie to say in that moment, I did not look curiously at Sookie, wondering over what kind of vampire she would make. Death is not something that has been discussed between the two of us in depth, at least, not her own, but I cannot help but wonder. The idea of ever losing this rare and extraordinary woman is incomprehensible to me, but I do not know how she would feel about ever joining the race of beings she sees as so senselessly violent and too often unfeeling. My lover is compassionate, forgiving, kind, and sweet. These words simply do not describe vampires.

Perhaps it is something best never discussed with her. If I give her the opportunity to tell me she never wishes my existence for herself, she will be furious if I ever should bring her over. I do not want to imagine the wrath she would offer up in her newborn state. If I avoid the discussion altogether, there is always the chance when the time comes, it would be in my hands.

It is not something I wish to think about for many years to come. I enjoy my lover as a human. My existence is sustained on her blood alone. She is warm to my touch, soft, and perfect, just as she is. My attraction to other vampires has never been what it is to humans, so predicting whether I would desire her or whether she would desire me is impossible, but I still cannot help but wonder about what might be. My lover is an impressive telepath as she already is. Death and the power that goes with it could make her so much more.

When Kayden spoke of the limitations upon her gift, I noticed a discomfort from my lover that had me suspicious immediately. It seems that even in life, Kayden was able to occasionally influence the undead. When I asked Sookie whether or not she had ever read the thoughts of a vampire, she became highly agitated, denying that she had.

I wish I could have believed her.

Discussing it in front of Kayden was hardly appropriate, however, not when I was dreading the potentially dangerous truth of the matter myself. Instead we discussed Kayden’s adopted family, something else I was pleased Sookie could hear. She seemed fascinated by the connection the empath had chosen for herself, and I hope with it she opens her own mind to the rather untraditional family around her now. Really, I think she already has.

Sookie and I invited Kayden to a night at our home when she returns from her travels in France and England and when we return home from Sweden. Immediately I could see the cogs in my lover’s mind begin to turn as she began planning the event and who to invite. She really does enjoy doing such a thing.

When returned home, Sookie and I discussed whether or not she had heard vampire minds, and with a great deal of reluctance, she confessed she had been within the confines of my own mind on one occasion, the night I staked Longshadow.

This news was greatly unsettling. I can remember with total recall what I was thinking that night, and none of it would I have had Sookie hear if given any choice in the matter. Then, I had thought about how I could use her and her gift, I had thought about the measures I could take to ensure she did as I asked whether she wanted to or not. I had thought about taking her from @TruBloodBill, and I had thought about the ways in which I desired to make Fangtasia’s thief pay for what they had robbed me of.

I do not like the idea that my lover could know these things. She insists she did not read my thoughts, only get a sense of them, but she seemed to grasp easily enough that they were dark and twisted.

A vampire’s mind is sacred. It is the place most guarded and sacred. It contains our every secret, our every memory. Many of these things, I never want Sookie to know. Had I learned she had been privy to my thoughts before I had found love with her, I imagine I would have ended her. It would have been a shame to destroy something so desirable, but it would have been a necessary measure to ensure the confines of my mind remained mine alone.

I cannot help but fear if another vampire learns that, occasionally, she can glimpse into our heads, that they will be as compelled to end her as I would have been then. I have made her promise to never tell another, living or otherwise, but I fear that will not be enough. I intend on working with her on these shields Kayden spoke of, in order to guard her mind from invading what it should not. I must protect her. She is my everything.

After all, that is why we made this trip to Sweden. Every minute that passes, I grow closer to bonding a third, permanent time to my lover. I am nearly willing the moments to pass more quickly. I have told Sookie that to vampires, the two of us will be considered married, and that I will consider her my wife. She seems pleased by this, though there also seems to be an undertone of sadness I do not understand. I will figure it out, however. I care only about bringing my lover happiness. It is the least I can do when she has given me so much.

Roman, Lacey, @JackDanielsTB, @WestonTackett, @KristenFerrior_, @NolanFerrior_, Jenny, JoAnna, @were_lucian, Lily, Pam, Bianca, @LiamDelancy, @WaylonLee_, and Claude have all joined us here for the snow and celebration. Our bonding ceremony grows nearer by the minute, and I am pleased those gathered with us will be sharing it with Sookie and I. Tomorrow cannot get here soon enough. In a thousand years time, nothing has ever felt more right than this, now, with her.

My First Thanksgiving Dinner

Friday evening, @BarmaidSookie and I hosted what I am told is a traditional Thanksgiving dinner. While I have been well aware of the holiday for many, many years, it is the first time in my long existence I have- in Sookie’s words- hosted such an event myself. My reasoning for ignoring a holiday that seems focused on human food and poultry in buckle hats has been obvious in the past, but once more I find my normal behavior being altered for the gift that is Sookie.

What is important to her is undeniably important to me, and that includes bizarre holidays of thanks.

From the moment Sookie asked if we could host the event together onward, my telepath had been focused upon little else. Between making invitations, getting them out to all our friends, and preparing an endless supply of both human nourishments and blood dishes, my lover exhausted herself in order to be the consummate southern hostess.

I must admit, I was dreading the event when I rose on Friday night. Since the incident at @BarWithABite and the witches, I have been going out of my way to avoid others. My body is still regenerating in some places and I know I am not entirely myself both physically and mentally. I fear others will see this and know, and though I do not like to believe that any I or Sookie consider a “friend” would use this to their advantage, I remained concerned. Being cautious is what has kept my existence in tact for a thousand years, after all.

Sookie seemed to sense my trepidation immediately. She ceased buzzing about her farm house in order to assure me things would be fine, and once more, I found myself relaxing if only because of her nearness and the comfort she brings me. It startles me, but I find myself believing I could come to love this rare and extraordinary human woman.

There was little time for me to think of that, however, when our guests began arriving for the evening. @RomanLucious, his fairy, @FaeKayley, and their adopted son, @Baby_Abel were the first to arrive for the night. It was obvious immediately that they were no more familiar with the holiday than I was, but I appreciated the fact that they were attending if only for my Lover. As Sookie showed them to the absurd amount of food she had concocted for the evening, @LaceyTB, @JackDanielsTB, and @WestonTackett arrived.

It was the first time I have seen Lacey since she had been lost to me and I must admit, it was a relief to see her whole and not merely a figment of my imagination. I do not understand what possibly could have occurred to return her to this realm and to those who care for her, but I am nothing short of relieved that it did. My blood may no longer tie us together, but Lacey will never cease to be precious to me, and seeing both her and her son brings an undeniably comfort with it.

Of course, not everyone seems to feel that way.

I had avoided speaking of Lacey’s miraculous return to this realm to the Deputy after first discovering it for myself if only because I did not know how the news would be received. When Roman first told me of Abel and his relationship with the fairy, a part of me was undeniably concerned he was attempting to replace what had been lost in the car accident that fateful night and that was what was guiding his decisions. After learning more of his son and his fairy, I believed Roman seemed- for him- relatively happy. To disrupt that for what could not be changed would have been a crime.

And ultimately, even a meddlesome vampire such as myself can recognize when something is not my place.

There was no hiding what Roman did not know then, however, and awkward moments were not quick to pass. The Deputy was troubled and angry, I could feel this easily enough, and Lacey was startled and hurt. I was unsurprised that the Deputy departed shortly after the night began. Centuries of existence and experience does not automatically create aplomb.

Little time could be devoted to thinking on such things when more guests were arriving. Sookie seemed perpetually trapped at the doorway of her house as she welcomed guest after guest to her Bon Temps farmhouse. It was the first time I had seen @AbigaleDawson since her wedding to @WereTDawson, who seems to have decided married life is an excuse to gain obnoxious amounts of weight. If I were less educated and knowledgeable on such things, I would have asked if he was with child. It seems fences are suiting them well, and if Abigale is happy, I am happy for her. I really don’t care whether the mutt is happy or not.

Someone who is undeniably with child is @Tara_ThorntonBT. She arrived, unsurprisingly, with her vampire escort, @fangtasiaserge, who I doubt is leaving her side at all in her delicate condition. I wonder if he, like me, finds himself remembering much too clearly a time when human women often didn’t survive the pangs and strains of bringing life into this world. I do not understand the vampires hostility towards me, though I suppose it could have something to do with coming to loathe his Maker and relishing in her second death, but I am also uninterested in finding out if it goes more deeply than that. As far as I am concerned, Tara is important to Sookie and what is important to my lover is important to me. We are, for lack of better words, “on the same team.”

Tara, it seems, is no longer able to endure the strain of tending bar and being on her feet for long periods of time due to her condition and has found employment outside the casino the vampires of Area Five hold a major interest in. She requested approval to vacate her job there, and with a single nod from Sookie, I gave the pregnant human my blessing. I find myself startled at how much I need and rely on her right now, when I am so uncertain myself, but I trust her and her judgment completely, without a second thought.

Tara’s cousin, @JustLafayette arrived with @HornDogJason and @BiancaNorthman. Needless to say, that is a trio none could have anticipated. Lafayette seemed uncomfortable, no doubt because many of the guests hosted that night possessed fangs that could descend at any moment’s notice despite Sookie’s inclusion of “no eating the guests” on the invitation for the event. It is safe to say I believe the fry cook has learned his lesson when it comes to the undead.

Jason, however, is as unintelligent and careless as ever. It is a good thing I trust Bianca with everything that I am and ever will be, or I would be positive he would be dead sooner rather than later. Bianca actually appeared demure and understated at the dinner, but that was by appearance only. I believe my child left the event with more phone numbers than she went in with, and propositioned half of those in attendance. Never let it be said she is shy.

@Sookeh clearly gets the ability to work a crowd from her. She arrived on the arm of @Sam_MerlotteBT, though “on the arm of” is somewhat generous since they both seemed mostly intoxicated. The Shifter was his normal cheery self, encompassing all he came into contact with a cloud of doom and gloom. While I am sure there are many things that should depress the Shifter to such a degree (a disgusting odor he can‘t hide, living in Bon Temps, residing in a mobile tin can, owning a bar for rednecks, etc.), he seems even more hopeless than usual. When even Sookeh seems startled by it, you know something is seriously amiss.

At least my evil daughter seems as evil as ever. Sookie seemed to spend a great deal of time chasing her around and reminding her not to destroy things because they had belonged to her Gran. Ah, Sookeh. So much destruction in such a small package. It is enough to make me unquestionably proud.

@NolanFerrior brought his human @NiftyJenny with him to the event and, at her prompting, informed me the pair is now “dating.” Nolan has always been somewhat unusual between his traveling in my trunk, his preference to dwelling in closets, and his predilection for sleeping on pipes, and it seems he has found his match in the broom wielder. Shortly after arriving, Jenny attempted to impersonate a plastic house plant before informing me the true love of her life is a machine at the @GrabbitKwik that produces a slushie.

I really have no idea what to make of that.

I should have asked @DavidCallum after he arrived with his attractive wife, @AlyxConway and their children, @SammieMasters and @ScarlettElena, but he was quite busy hitting on Bianca. I flashed him since he insists he is no longer dreaming of me after his ingestion of my blood during his brawl with Roman and despite him claiming not to miss them, I can tell he does. He really does.

In turn, Alyx flashed @WaylonLee_ and I. It is almost a shame Waylon makes such a good Pooh Bear, or I would seriously be considering turning my second two-natured child. As it is, I will be content to watch him eat everything in his path (including blood dishes which he seemed incredibly fond of), and using carrots to mimic fangs.

On a related, yet unrelated note, Sookie is not fond of me seeing breasts that do not belong to her. I cannot entirely understand this, since none compare to her own in my opinion, but I will do my best not to trouble her for such reasons.

@VampyJo arrived with @WereBabyLily and even though they were not able to stay for long, I was pleased to see them. Lily is getting so big so quickly, it is almost difficult to believe the little girl I carried around the party for a short time was the same one I spent locked in a room with for a few nights in New Jersey. I wonder if she remembers any of that. Human minds at such an age are a complete enigma to me.

@AngeloSenior arrived at the celebration with his human daughter, @GiannaVerdone. I believe Angelo signed my daughters chest, so when I next see him, I will possibly stake him. @AppiusOcella will be furious, but it would be worth it. Angelo’s own daughter pulled me aside at the party to offer me her thanks for giving her strange father my consent to leave my dwelling. I still fear that is possibly a mistake on my part and that Angelo took advantage of the daze that inevitably settles over a vampire so close to dawn, but I did not tell her such a thing. When we were parting, she hugged me as if we were not virtual strangers, and then propositioned me.

I chose not to tell Sookie this.

The arrival of @VooDooHooDooBT was unexpected, but thoroughly enjoyed by me. He brought with him Chow, who he has been keeping as a dung hut wife. The unintelligible witch doctor decided to show me his strengths, including his ability with a blow dart gun. I volunteered the Lieutenant to be the target, Joseph Drownapossum agreed, but when the dart flew, Lacey’s boyfriend Jack ended up being the one with a dart in his neck.

From that moment forward, I naturally claimed I had nothing to do with it.

Mr. Drownapossum also showed me his ability to call forth a donkey at will, and sure enough, @winnieYTM’s ass showed up in the middle of my lover’s living room. Sookeh had an ass there all her own. It’s a good thing Sookie was falling asleep by this point, or she no doubt would have been troubled by the livestock roaming her family home.

As the dinner wound down and Sookie slumbered at my side, I had the chance to speak to Lacey and David about both Lacey’s untimely end and the witches I encountered at Fangtasia. The description of the red-headed male seemed to ring recognition with her, and she confirmed as Roman had theorized, that he was the one who stole her purse while we were in New York City. David and I share a mutual concern for Lacey now, especially when she must protect her infant son, and have advised her to take shelter away from her home. I have contacted @LiamDelancy and instructed him to use his magic to secure her home and workplace, @HooligansClub, so she may return safely.

The Lieutenant let slip that Lacey’s return to this realm isn’t without change. She has acquired an ability to transport herself and others at a moment’s notice and demonstrated the ability when taking Sookeh back to her home. To say I am relieved is an understatement. Perhaps if the witches find her, she will stand more of a chance in escaping them than I did.

When all the guests left for the night, I cleaned up around my lover’s home and even remembered to put the remaining food away since Sookie is so often concerned about not letting such things go to waste. I carried her to bed and found myself relieved when it was only her and I, alone in her room, waiting for the sun to rise.

But overall, the event was good for me. I have never been so reminded of how important family is than I am now. Our bonds, both in blood and those we create through experience and common ground are invaluable. On the road of healing I find myself on, I believe Sookie’s dinner was significant. I am fortunate to have those who visited my lover’s home in my existence, and would not want to find myself in a world without them any longer.

Thoughts from Inside a Walk-In Freezer

Sometimes, when the bills are piling up and the profits aren't what I want them to be, I have thought @BarWithABite will be the second death of me. Last night, it certainly tried to be.

The night began like so many others had. I had to call @RomanLucious to come into work because- once again- he failed to do so of his own freewill. While I poured through the bills that had accumulated for the month, I listened to him justify the purchases he had approved for the club including a new security system. As he explained all of our cameras were virtually worthless, I found my patience quickly waning. Investing so much more in equipment he had originally assured me would last for some time is annoying, to say the least, but the idea that nearly every bit of security footage the club was capturing was worthless was more annoying still.

Now, I wish he would have made the upgrades as soon as he made the outlandish purchase.

Of course, that would require the Deputy to actually spend some time in Fangtasia, which he isn't doing now. Do you want to know why? Because, according to the vampire, he is doomed.

I laughed.

Honestly, as Roman began recounting the events of a few days ago, explaining how an overcoming sensation of bad had suddenly met him, I thought he was paranoid to new levels never before achieved. He couldn’t stay awake during the daylight hours? He wasn’t capable of dreaming? That’s entirely normal, something the Deputy has never really been. To him, it seemed to be a sure sign that something was truly wrong and amiss.

I didn’t dismiss his feelings entirely, but I didn’t have reason to give them much weight either. Even as he went on to explain that @FaeKayley is in some kind of danger from a fairy prince she once was lovers with, I had a difficult time believing his “doom” was the doing of the fae. He didn’t like being told that, though, and it wasn’t long before he was throwing a tantrum and retreating from the club he was supposed to close the night with me.

I let him leave. Between closing on my own or closing with a glorified teacup, I’ll always choose on my own.

That was my first error of the evening.

Regardless of what one may think, a thousand years of existing does not truly make a vampire impossible to best. I like to think it does, but I really know far better than that. Every single night is a battle. I am in a position that makes me more visible and thus a bigger target. I know this. I prepare for it. I have only survived for as long as I have because I am determined to survive. I know there will be moments of pain and suffering. I know there will be torture. Since we left the coffin, the undead have never been at greater risk. Our enemies are numerous and eager. Knowing this is half the battle.

It certainly doesn’t make things any easier, however.

When it came time to close Fangtasia, I sent the employees home in an effort to finish the little remaining work waiting for my attention in peace, something I tend to get very little of when at the club. I had enough time to write a few emails and get off a call to @pamiravenscroft before things took a rather unpleasant turn.

I heard the sound of the back door open, though I was positive I had locked it. I heard the sound of two sets of footsteps and was certain they were human being far too loud for one of the undead. The disgusting smell of Were assaulted my nose along with the sickening sweet smell of an otherness that always unnerves me… magic.

It was worth investigation and I didn’t have far to go to find the intruders. Just outside the door of my office they stood, a male and a female. The male had long, shocking red hair, and the female was tall, dark, and two-natured. I could sense that both were witches from the unnatural scent that clung to them.

That was about all I could gather before my sight was robbed from me.

The agonizing burn of silver is something every vampire learns early in their existence. No matter how many times I have felt it’s sting, it never grows any easier. Now humans come up with such inventive ways to use that particular weakness against us. The colloidal silver was sprayed maliciously into my eyes and face, leaving me blinded and surprised.

Worse than the pain was the smell of my cold flesh as it boiled and burned away. The smell hung in the air as I was pushed backward, silver netting enveloping my body and burning into the exposed flesh of my arms.

They were surprisingly strong. I expect such strength from Weres, but even the male was strong. I did not connect those dots until the pair had backed me up to my desk and I felt the male’s hand collecting from and sampling from one of the fresh wounds the net had created on my limb.

It was difficult to maintain any kind of focus. A vampire survives because of their heightened senses and my own were failing me then. I was sightless, the blindness something more eerie, startling, and damning than anything I could put into words. My nose could process little more than the searing of my assaulted flesh as it flaked and gave away to the silver netting. I could touch nothing trapped beneath the silver blanket that encompassed me, burning me with any attempt I made. The only thing I could taste was my own blood as I attempted to bite back the sounds of agony that desperately wanted to escape.

I could not give my captors such satisfaction.

The only thing I was left with was my hearing, so I used it as best I could when already so overwhelmed. The man, @BrodyKeyes, had been looking for Roman. He spoke of having touched my Deputy already this week and immediately, my mind returned to Roman’s earlier words. He had credited his doom to the fae prince who haunts Kayley, but for this human- this witch- to make such remarks made it clear no fairy was responsible. What made the red-headed male I had so briefly seen so focused on Roman, I had no idea, but he was willing to take his issues with my Deputy out on me in Roman’s absence.

It was then that I felt the first stake. @WereHallow was stronger than any Were I had ever encountered before. She thrust the sharpened piece of timber through the flesh of my shoulder with an expertise that I can only say leaves me confident it is not the first time she has done such a thing. She missed my heart by quite a bit, a fact I was willing to point out if only to focus on anything other than the unthinkable pain.

And the pain truly was unthinkable.

I felt every sinew of muscle sever as the stake was thrust through it, tearing and ripping through me and into my desk, the sound of the wood splintering beneath me not deaf to my ears. I nearly wish that sense would have left me as well. Second death would have been easier than hearing them discuss the value of my blood and the qualities of it’s taste to their disgusting lips and tongues.

I will rip those tongues from their mouths if it is the last thing I ever do on this earth.

My blood, my ancient blood, my record of a thousand years spent wandering this plane… my everything was being drained from my body and licked directly from me by these vile excuses for humans. The blood I have forged my most valuable relationships with, the blood I have created my children with, the blood that defines me was leaving me at a rate so rapid, I could feel myself slipping.

The idea that my last moments could be spent with these deplorable witches gloating over robbing me of my very self sickened me to no end.

I struggled. It was a useless battle when I lacked the sight needed to catch them by surprise. It was all the motivation the female needed to send a stake through my healthy shoulder, leaving me once more stunned as the pain ripped through me.

I could feel the blood pouring from my wounds. I could feel the papers that cluttered my desk adhering to my bloodied back. I could feel the netting digging deeper welts into my now marred flesh. I could feel every drop of blood as it was pulled from me by their instruments of draining.

But I refused to let me lose myself to the pain. That would have been the easy thing to do then and it was certainly tempting, but I couldn’t. It is through pain that strength is found. I would find it, impossible as it seemed.

And it did seem impossible. Every vial that they filled left me weaker. My fruitless attempts to struggle only left me with larger holes to bleed out of and new flesh for the net to burn into. Still, I couldn’t give myself over to the pain and submit.

My blood was already out there, in my progeny and in my bonds. I called out to it with everything I could when already so weak and helpless.

Helpless. A thousand years experience, a thousand years surviving, thousands upon thousands of corpses laying in my wake, thousands of victories to my credit, and here, now, I was helpless.

If the pain had been any less significant and encompassing, I would have laughed aloud when I heard the Fangtasia phone ring. Only a brief moment was spent wondering who would use such a means to reach me when I was certain my condition could be felt by those connected to me. And then, realization dawned on me.

@BarmaidSookie.

I would have smiled had I been remotely capable. As ridiculous as calling the club was, I was thankful it was all she had done. The very idea of her putting herself in the way of these demonic, V-high witches was enough for me to goad my attackers further if only for them to hurry their torture of me along. If they intended on ending me, I would rather see them get to it before Sookie had a chance to reach me than have her meet her end in a similar fashion.

The very idea that @BrodyKeyes was speaking to my lover sickened me though. His face and voice will forever be emblazoned in my memory. Whatever motivates his deep hatred of Roman matters little to me when he has earned himself little more than another powerful enemy.

I can vaguely recall the Were encouraging me to smell something, but it was impossible. The scent of my burned flesh and my own blood were all I could process. It was so overpowering, I couldn’t even smell the stench of moon mutt upon her. She was willing enough to inform me the smell she was speaking of was gasoline and I could quickly figure out just what that meant.

I smelled the fire before I felt it. Pinned to my own desk beneath a silver net and blind, I was trapped, but I refused to be hopeless. Helpless, I could not deny, but I would not be hopeless.

Of course, that only meant more pain for me. I had a choice to make. I could either know more pain I could never have imagined now or inevitably meet my second death in mere moments.

I will always choose pain and existing.

With every ounce of my remaining strength, I forced myself off the desk, letting the stakes rip through my flesh fully and letting the silver net loosely laying over me fall to the floor once I was capable of standing. My arms felt useless from the torn muscle and I could feel what remained of my blood pouring from the fresh wounds.

What was more was the feeling of the flames as they jumped up my legs and burned what little flesh hadn’t been disturbed by the netting because of my clothing.

Still sightless, I didn’t require my eyes to know I was trapped. I could feel the flames so clearly as they sprang up around me, blocking my path if I didn’t want to meet my second death by my own doing. The doors were ablaze and I didn’t possess the strength to break through a wall.

I briefly recalled the numerous times @WaitressGinger found herself locked in the walk-in freezer and was only rescued thanks to our impeccable hearing and Pam taking pity on her.

Willing my arms to work enough to open the door was nearly impossible, but the flames lapping at me was all the motivation required. I managed to open the door to the refrigeration unit and stumble within before slamming it behind me.

The flames weren’t reaching me here. The chilled air didn’t smell of smoke when I took a blind, unnecessary breath, and I was instead only treated to a nauseating mixture of my blood, my burnt flesh, and a few human concoctions I couldn’t place. Through the thick, insulated walls of the unit, I could clearly hear the fire alarms followed shortly by sirens. It wasn’t long before I heard muffled, shouting voices coming from within the club… firefighters, I surmised.

I blindly searched the shelves I was slumped against. I recognized the shape of an open case of TrueBlood and opened a bottle of the cold, synthetic blood, draining it dry despite it’s undesirable qualities a few ways over. It was what I needed now if I intended on lasting even until dawn could kill me and take my pain with it.

I drained three bottles of cold blood in short succession before I gained blurry, flawed vision. I barricaded the door of the unit as best I could in my weakened state. I could hear the firefighters, but knew rescuing a vampire would not be on their list of priorities, nor would they truly know what to do with me if they found me. Seclusion in the chilled prison was better.

Also, it spared my already severely wounded pride.

Once the door was blocked and I once more slipped down to the cold, damp floor to down a few more bloods that I felt her. The agitation and panic wasn’t my own. I was as calm as I could be given my condition and present surroundings. As I closed my still blurry eyes and simply let myself feel, I realized Sookie was very near, so near she was almost with me.

I knew the personnel extinguishing the witches' fire would keep her from reaching me. A human life was much more valuable than that of a vampire to the average breather. I could feel her frustration at this, and though I ached with every ounce of my being, I allowed myself a brief, panged smile.

I take no satisfaction in the pain I am sure she is feeling now because of me. I do not like the feelings of despair, desperation, and frustration she is nearly overwhelmed by now, knowing I am the cause. I do not want to think of her so near when the witches may not have gone as far away as I can only hope they have. I loathe the judgment I am sure she is inundated with, both aloud and in thoughts as she waits for me.

But I am comforted by her nearness and by the idea that she is here because she wants to be. I can feel her affection, and it is the only warmth I can find in my present prison.

My body is not remotely healed. I am broken. I am starving. I am in more pain than I can recall being in. I have no idea why this has happened and have far more questions than I have answers.

But as I willingly submit to my daytime death, the only thoughts my mind knows belong to her, and I have never been more thankful for or more fascinated in another.

Do you believe in karma? Soul mates? Destiny?

Absolutely, to all of the above.

Karma is a constant issue with vampires. A simple action in the heat of the moment can easily come back and bite you on your ass... literally. We know how to hold a grudge when we feel wronged, and there is no timetable we must operate on in which to seal our revenge. We must always consider the reactions to our actions. It's how we survive.

"Soul" mates I am slightly less certain on, if only because I am quite confident I do not possess a soul, at least not as it tends to be thought of anyway. What are soul mates if not people we are certain we are meant to share our existence with though? I am positive more than one of my children are "soul mates" of mine. I am positive @RomanLucious was meant to be a part of my existence as a brother in blood. I am equally confident I was meant to be in the godforsaken state of Louisiana surrounded by rednecks in order to find and uncover my fascinating telepath, @BarmaidSookie.

And I believe in destiny completely. I don't know how you can walk the earth as long as I have without thinking there is purpose, or something powerful guiding your steps. If I exist just to exist, it is tedious and monotonous. Without destiny, so much of everything we do is meaningless and insignificant. I have to believe there is reason, and that the fates guide us, whether we realize it or not.

Ask a Viking vampire what inquiring minds wish to know.

Fairies, Fears, Diapers, and Death

@RomanLucious is a father.

Last night, the Deputy informed me that for the last month, he has been playing house with @FaeKayley after having kidnapped the infant child of a drug addicted prostitute. He killed the woman, destroyed her home, and took her son as his own. He has named the teacup Abel for reasons I never got around to asking.

Just that information was enough to leave my mind reeling for the remainder of the night.

I have always had confidence in the Deputy, he wouldn’t be my second-in-command if I did not, but I cannot help but wonder what possessed him to do such a thing. I asked, I could not help but ask, and I think Roman knew he owed an answer. What he has done is unthinkable. Our existence may not be the secret it once was, but that does not mean we do not have to practice caution. We are not humans. We stop being such a thing the moment our heartbeat ends. Roman gave himself over to our nature many centuries ago. The beings we are now are not what a child needs in this world.

The things this innocent and vulnerable human child will be exposed to are unthinkable. While they are second nature to us, no infant should know the death and destruction we revel in. No amount of concealment will keep this baby from seeing, hearing, and knowing more of this world than a child should ever have to.

Roman wanted to be a father though.

This, I can only understand. His confession, coupled with the pictures of the infant he displayed on his cell phone have left me regretfully reminiscent of my own mortal existence and the children I was forced to leave behind when @AppiusOcella took my heartbeat and with it, my humanity. How many times I ached to be with them, to watch them grow, to guide them as they became adults. How many hours I wondered of their well being, if they lived or died, if they thrived or found themselves lost after the loss of both their parents. I knew my own parents would protect and raise them to be great, but there was no comfort in leaving them as I did. There was no comfort in leaving them in a world of monsters.

But I had no choice. After all, I had become a monster myself.

I reminded myself repeatedly it was for the best I was forced to leave. Not only would I have endangered myself by returning to what I had known when alive, but I would be a threat to them without wanting to be such a thing. Those chapters had to be closed. My curiosity could not get the best of me. It was the only way they had a chance.

And what kind of a father could I have been? The vampire I am today is who I am meant to be. This nature is mine, and it is right. While I hope my sons became the warrior and fighter I was, I hope they never knew the savagery I prize myself on today existed.

That is what awaits @Baby_Abel. These are the things he will learn and know. There is no amount of glamor that will keep it from him. There is no amount of concealment that will let him keep the innocence of a child, an innocence a child deserves for the short time they are able to have it in this world.

The Deputy has already given the boy his blood. He intends to bond to him. I do not know what to think of this.

@BiancaNorthman and I inquired as to whether or not he fully understood the ramifications of his actions. I cannot imagine a pain greater than raising and caring for a human, a human who will age, know sickness, and eventually, death, all while we remain unchanged. Roman insists he will give the boy the choice eventually to join him in immortal death, but is that enough?

I have recently felt the unthinkable pain of losing a bond to death, of losing a human I intended on making my child. All it took was a moment… a mere second on her own and her life was over, and in her wake, I felt the pain. It is a blinding ache, an emptiness left behind one can never refill. A part of me, a part of everything I am and have done in my thousand years on this plane, was lost with the severance of the bond. I will never get that back.

While my Deputy felt such a pain as well, it was an ache for what might have been. It was an ache for what he has never known, in this existence or in his humanity, and I fear that is his reason for growing so close to this child so quickly. I fear his rash decisions that could have severe repercussions have never truly crossed his mind, and if they have, he has not given in to the urge to consider them.

He wants so badly to be a father. Can I fault him for this?

As much as I would like to, I cannot. While I was expected to father children when alive in order to add to our often dwindling numbers, it became much more than a requirement. There is a completion in being a father, just as there is a fulfillment in being a Maker. I try to picture my existence without the children I fathered in life and it is as impossible as picturing my eternity without @VampNiklas, without Bianca, without @pamiravenscroft, without @AnnaPPhillips, without @NolanFerrior, even without @VaughnBrennan.

Completely impossible.

Their accomplishments are my own. I have pride in everything they do, in everything they have become. Their errors pang me because they are my own failures. Their choices are testament to my role as a Maker, both good and bad. They are extensions of myself, extensions I cannot imagine never having had.

The mere thought of my existence without them is painful, lonely, and more dreary than words could ever express.

When I look past the clear, obvious, and severely detrimental ramifications of Roman’s actions, I can only say I understand. While I fear he does not truly understand how badly this can end, and while I fear if it does end badly, it will be the end of him, I can only support his decision with only a few reservations I will allow to linger. I have offered him all the protection of Area Five I can give, but is that enough?

He is but a baby. A human child. A breakable, vulnerable being incapable of protecting himself. And we are vampires, who know no depth we will not sink to, no pawn that is untouchable, no life we would not hesitate to end if it benefited us. Roman is a target just as I am. A target of other vampires, a target of other Supernaturals, a target for organizations of hate such as the Fellowship of the Sun. He will be for as long as he walks this earth.

So no, it is not nearly enough. I simply hope Roman knows this. I hope his fairy knows this.

More than that, I hope they truly understand it.

After all, I do. I have wondered if I should tell him of Niklas and of the selfish reasons that led me to turn him seven hundred years ago, reasons I have kept so silent for all these years. I do not know if it would help him, or if it would give him hope that may not be beneficial now. If he focuses on the tomorrow, will he ever be prepared for what he will face today?

Children seem to be finding more of a place with the undead. Roman is not the first vampire I have seen undertaking the role of a parent to a mortal being. Perhaps it is not so radical. Perhaps “leaving the coffin” has offered us luxuries we couldn’t afford when hidden.

I will admit, it has me wondering, and, as always, thinking.

I cannot help but be reminded of @AbigaleDawson and her fences, her desires to wed, settle down, and have children. It was something I could not offer her, despite my desire of her. It was simply not possible. I was not surprised when she found @WereTDawson who could.

But what of @BarmaidSookie? While I have always attempted to keep my humans at a distance, reminding myself I would tire of their entertainments long before such issues truly needed broaching, I find myself growing attached to her. We have not discussed the future in any great depths. It is a depressing, daunting prospect when we both are aware I will remain as I am eternally and she changes by the day. Still, the idea of her finding one who can and will give her the things I have always thought myself incapable of is painful.

Could I fault her for wanting the very things humans are expected to want? Things, it seems, even vampires desire whether we mean to or not? Could I fault her for finding someone who would give them to her if she wanted them with me, but I refused? Sookie has rejected me so many infuriating times, but never because of what I am, never because of my limitations. Could I, in turn, reject her because my limitations are not what I have always believed them to be?

Damn Roman for making me think this much about something I never thought I would need to think on again.

I hope he vomits on his fairy blood.