Wednesday, March 31, 2010

What is one lesson you've learned in your time as a vampire that you would pass on to a newborn vampire?

All things in this world are temporary and subject to being ended at any time. Because of that, always protect and consider your existence above all other things, or it will be over before it's truly begun.

Ask a Viking vampire what inquiring minds wish to know

Do you think the internet was an additive factor in the decision for your kinds Reveal, in that it also allowed for anonymity in communication but now, an efficacy in your "coming out" so to speak. And do you enjoy "chatting"?

No, not remotely. If anything, the internet was a great tool for before we left the coffin. The convenience of the online world allowed us to bank, shop, book trips, arrange meetings, etc. etc. etc, at any hour of the night. We were no longer restricted to hours of operation that favor the daylight, and we could communicate with others without ever having to worry about whether or not they knew too much or suspected us of anything when concealed behind a wall of anonymity.

Truly, when the Japanese invented synthetic blood and the debate as to whether or not to leave the coffin took place, the internet was one of the single greatest arguments as to why there was no reason to come forward.

I do not have the luxury of spending much time online "chatting," nor do I fully understand all the capabilities of the e-world. I'm not Compton after all. Most of my time online is spent with a clear goal in mind that I work toward until attained and by then, I am anxious to leave the damned electronic behind to return to my night.

Ask a Viking vampire what inquiring minds wish to know

it seems the vampire act to be recognized as actual citizens of the world has alot to do with paper work, why is this act of government so important for/to you?

For a nation founded on the principle's of democracy and equal rights, it is truly insulting that since we have acknowledged our existence, vampires have done nothing but fight an uphill battle to gain even the smallest rights for ourselves. We have been in the New World for as long as humans have been, many of us have called it home for centuries, yet the government has decided because we lack a heartbeat, we are second class citizens, something infuriating from a governing body of very temporary mouth breathers. Is it too much to expect the same rights any 18 year old born in this country is given? I do not think so.

The government, while having no objection to taxing us, has gone so far as limiting what industries we can own and operate businesses within, deprived us of a vote, does not offer us equal representation, and even has had the audacity to tell us we cannot legally wed. We have had to fight for every single thing we have been given since leaving the coffin, so of course the Vampire Equal Rights Act is important to me, as it should be all vampires. We are not even expecting special treatment, just the same treatment as all others.

Ask a Viking vampire what inquiring minds wish to know

since being vampire is now a very public affair, how have you managed to hold on to your privacy?

I keep my residence, otherwise known as my daytime resting place, as my private sanctuary. Only a select few have any knowledge whatsoever of it's whereabouts and whenever too many people learn where it is, I pack my belongings and find somewhere new. When I desire my privacy, I simply go home. If such a thing is not an option at any given moment, I simply go into downtime and take myself out of the chaos for a moment. Humans may find such a thing rude, but my sanity means more to me than any thing else ever could.

Ask a Viking vampire what inquiring minds wish to know

You are at the doctor’s office and she has just informed you that you have approximately one month to live. a) Do you tell anyone/everyone you are going to die? b) What do you do with your remaining days? c) Would you be afraid?

First, I would wonder what I am doing going to a doctor's office. Human medicine men are moos/clucks/quacks, whatever the expression is. Assuming the news was delivered by an actual healing doctor like that annoying dwarf Ludwig, I imagine my condition would be bad enough that I would be incapable of doing anything beyond waiting out the time, and there would be no concealing it from others.

That being said, I assume I am meant to answer it as if that was not the case, so I will give it a try.

a) No. If I knew beyond a shadow of a doubt my second death was upon me, I would share the information with no one. It would only needlessly upset those around me long before my loss occurred. It would pain me to see their pain and that is hardly the way to spend my certain final days.

b) I would carry on as normal as I could and make certain my affairs were in order so that once I was dusted/met the sun/poisoned/drained/decapitated/dismembered/whatever, things were ready to be carried on in my eternal absence and functioning as they should.

c) No. I have already faced and met death. I was graced with the gift to conquer that death, but I have walked this world long enough to know all things come to an end. What is beyond? Is there anything beyond? Would I meet damnation, or is being eternally on this plane the true damnation? I do not know, but I have found death to be quite the adventure. Perhaps second death would be as well.

Ask a Viking vampire what inquiring minds wish to know

Monday, March 29, 2010

since you have forever, as compared to a humans life span, how has your concept and understanding of time changed, or do you now live without a concept of time because you have forever?

Time somewhat lacks meaning. I can't recall how many years I have walked this earth, nor can I often remember how many years have passed since last seeing some friends or acquaintances. Things that happened decades or even centuries ago can be clear and in the forefront of my mind, yet last week may have felt as if it took over a century to pass.

The thing is, despite all that, every moment is important to me. I am well aware if I am not cautious, any night could be my last and final. All it takes is a single moment for an eternity to end and I have seen many great vampires cut down in their prime because they take for granted how fleeting and even how temporary our eternity can truly be. I have seen the world grow, alter, evolve, and never look back in what has felt like a blink of an eye. I've seen many enter this world and leave it just as quickly. I do my best to appreciate every second I have without needing to constantly check and see how many seconds it has been.

Ask a Viking vampire what inquiring minds wish to know

do you ever get tired/bored of being admired?

Never, and I can't imagine anyone truly would.

I have earned every bit of admiration I receive the hard way and could hardly tire of others recognizing what an exceptional vampire I truly am. That being said, I do grow tired and bored of being admired for the wrong reasons. Many of the humans who flock to Fangtasia nightly stare at me in a reverent awe simply because I possess a pair of fangs behind my cold lips, and that grows quite tiresome.

Ask a Viking vampire what inquiring minds wish to know

love and logic; do they attract or repel one another as concepts in your sphere of living.

Repel. When it comes to being a vampire, and a vampire that survives at that, logic must rule and love must be something left behind in one's mortal life.

Though I haven't known or experienced love firsthand in over a millenium's time, I can recall with complete clarity how complicated it is. When one knows and feels love, they begin putting others before themselves. They begin to know and practice self sacrifice. They begin to make foolish errors that jeopardize their very being.

While this is well and good for humans who's existences are fleeting at best to begin with, vampires cannot open themselves up to such disability. I learned very early on from my Maker the importance of preserving myself, of survival, of reason, and love is beyond all reason. I truly doubt both can be practiced at the same time.

Ask a Viking vampire what inquiring minds wish to know

the best and worse thing about being Sheriff of Area 5.

The best thing would be the recognition. I have spent many, many, many years working my way through the vampire political hierarchy to earn my place as Sheriff. I've shed a lot of blood, both my own and that of others, but I've won my battles, and I have earned the title I hold. I have an Area many envy with a large number of vampires who owe me fealty, and for the most part, I am well respected and valued by them. It is rewarding and I am proud of all that I hold.

The worst part of being Sheriff of Area Five would easily be the constant work I have to do. I have very little time to myself, not that I should expect anything less, but it often keeps me from doing what I truly desire to do. I constantly have something that needs to be done, often long before I do it, and for every task I complete, two new ones are waiting impatiently for my attention. It is unending, but at the same time, I wouldn't trade it for anything.

Ask a Viking vampire what inquiring minds wish to know

Sunday, March 28, 2010

I Love Me Some Blood Cookehs

They don't call me the Cookeh Monster for nothing.

Look what @werekai sent me, and all I had to do was part with enough blood to earn me a sweet pay day on the drug market. @RomanLucious got some too, but all he did was complain about Were smell and be emo in general. I intend on stealing his share when he's not looking.


{Delivery} @SheriffNorthman @RomanLucious by werekai on Polyvore.com

Saturday, March 27, 2010

Something Must Be Done About the Emopire

@RomanLucious has been annoying lately. It's not like I'm letting out any big secret by saying such a thing, I've made how annoying I have found his bout of "feelings" very well known to him. Between the end of his relationship with @FunSizeLT, the dissolution of their bond, and @sadiecartwright's pregnancy with demon spawn, he's been nearly intolerable. Don't get me wrong, I can accept a vampire being angry for no reason, snapping at anything and everything, and overall being a pain in the pale ass, but the Deputy is in the middle of something I can't really fathom. Is it possible the vampire actually found and lost love? Does he feel it for many? Or is he just using the whole thing as an excuse to bug me? I wouldn't put it past him. He'd do it just to piss me off. Know how I am so certain? Because I would do the exact same to him. I doubt I could be half as convincing. I'm just not an emotional vampire, thank the gods.


by Sadie Cartwright


Anyway, something must be done. I gave up @VaughnBrennan and handed him blindly over to @AppiusOcella in order to preserve his existence. I don't like the idea that I may have sacrificed a newborn, my blood, just for this vampire to face the sun or entangle himself too deeply with a demon, which seems likely enough to happen given his line of thought on all matters relating to @OseKobal. I don't like to worry, but I find that I am. Something really must be done... I just wish I knew what. Any ideas? Anything short of staking him myself or chaining him in silver to keep him from doing something more stupid than usual would certainly be welcomed...

What in life, is beautiful to you? Where do you find inspiration?

Those questions seem as if they are meant for an artist and I am nothing of the sort. I am a warrior, I always have been, and I find my inspiration in battle, bloodshed, and victory.

As for beautiful, I would say nothing rivals the beauty of an attractive woman, naked, with a pair of very fresh fang marks disrupting her skin...

Hmm, now I have the sudden urge to find @LaylaDarshan for some reason...

Ask a Viking vampire what inquiring minds wish to know

Do you have any regrets in life?

A vampire cannot spend their eternity feeling regret and remorse. It is simply a burden we can't allow ourselves and I do my very best to practice such a thing in order to keep from torturing myself in a way that would no doubt lead to my second death, which is never a very appealing thought. Despite my best efforts, I will admit I carry with me a few things I regret, but what those things are belongs only to me.

Ask a Viking vampire what inquiring minds wish to know

Thursday, March 25, 2010

Tell me about someone you really admire?

@DraculaYTM. I admire him above and beyond even my Maker, despite the fact that he has nearly killed me second dead on numerous occasions. The Prince is something extraordinary, however, a man who was more vampire in life than he ever was human. When he was alive, I recall hearing word of the terror he was wreaking in his homeland and how feared he was and could only think he would make an amazing vampire.

His concepts, while enough to churn more than a few stomachs, are inspiring and his ability to feel nothing for them is unfathomable. It was really no surprise to learn he had been turned. Few could ever deserve it more than him. He was a natural vampire.

Above and beyond that, while all my kind remained in the coffin for centuries, Dracula became known. Despite having rules in place to keep any from acknowledging our existence, the Prince managed to have his story told the world over. He was famous when we were only myth, an accomplishment only he has.

How can I not admire that?

Ask a Viking vampire what inquiring minds wish to know

Do you have any nicknames?

Yes, yes I do.

@ClaudeCrane calls me Mr. Viking Man.

@AbiStewart calls me Big, bad, wicked, hulking Viking vampire or BBWHVV for short.

@FunSizeLT calls me Kinkypire Pimp or KPP for short.

@sadiecartwright calls me The Cookeh Monster.

@VampyJo calls me Peanut.

Ask a Viking vampire what inquiring minds wish to know

hey, do you want sookie to fall in love with you? is that the challenge, or do you just want her for sex. and what happens when you're tired of her? are you just gonna toss her aside. maybe i can have her then *fang grin*

I highly doubt Sookie, or any other human for that matter, is capable of falling in love with me or any other vampire. In my experience, the living appreciate what they can get out of vampires and will embrace us for as long as it serves them purpose, but never truly love us.

Asking me what I intend on doing with Sookie when I have never had her and may never have her is somewhat a pointless inquiry. There are too many ifs in such a question for me to actually answer it remotely honestly.

Ask a Viking vampire what inquiring minds wish to know

You said most days you are thankful and proud of me. Why? I think I'm a screw up 99% of the time.

On the average day, you speak your mind, you make no excuse for doing so, you stand up for yourself and those you think deserve it, you choose your battles and don't waver in your stance, even when going against quite the adversary. I am impressed in your strength and your fearlessness and by the fact that no matter what you go through, you carry on and don't allow for yourself to be debilitated by it for long. These are traits worth being proud of, and traits you should be proud in having.

Ask a Viking vampire what inquiring minds wish to know

Can you tell me exactly why you think I will make a good vampire?

You are strong, fierce, independent, opinionated, selfish when appropriate (and sometimes when not), loyal, and unapologetic. You do not see the world as black and white or things as right and wrong, but view the world in a case by case sort of way. You accept death and even invite it for some instead of finding tragedy in it. You are unafraid of a battle, and there is little else eternity is but a constant battle.

Above all other things, and perhaps what has drawn me to be your Maker above all other things is the way you treat the undead. You are curious, but never pushy, you are respectful and eager to learn, and you are even defensive of those vampire you care for. It is not a trait often found in the living. Many humans care about what they can get out of the undead... money, power, status, sex, and even blood, but few are there out of genuine friendship and acceptance.

I think that's quite extraordinary and I am the Maker of extraordinary vampire.

Ask a Viking vampire what inquiring minds wish to know

Wednesday, March 24, 2010

I'm glad to know you care for me... But right now I hate you more than anything. Scratch that, I hate this damn keyboard more. I can't believe what you're doin' to me - UGH!

Loathe me all you like (and apparently it is a great deal), but this isn't about me "doing something to you," this is about the safety of my Area, the vampires within it, my business (which happens to be where all money for the taxation of Area Five comes from), and a vampire skirting their responsibilities and duties to a clueless newborn that he is ultimately dooming to second death by ignorance. While that may mean nothing to you, it means a great deal to me.

Ask a Viking vampire what inquiring minds wish to know

Are you old fashioned?

At my very core, I would say yes. Of course, that's hard to prevent when I've walked the face of the earth for a thousand years. Whether I like to admit to it or not, I compare most things to what I knew and experienced in life, despite it now being an insignificant, fraction of a fraction of my complete existence. There are some things that are simply impossible to shake, however.

I believe a man should support a woman and afford her the luxury of not having to labor or live in want herself. I believe many technological advances are pointless and unnecessary and have created for a lazy race of humans. When it comes to my romantic entanglements, I prefer a little mystery to overt and publicized sexuality.

I suppose these things are considered old-fashioned now, but they are all true enough of me.

Ask a Viking vampire what inquiring minds wish to know

What is the hardest thing you ever had to do?

Leave behind my home, my family, and my children after dying. It was a pain far more excruciating than the actual death I experienced at the hands of my Maker.

Ask a Viking vampire what inquiring minds wish to know

What scares you the most and why?

Feeling too much.

Emotions tend to cloud a vampire's ability to reason, and when we allow for ourselves to be led by such a foolish thing, we open ourselves and others up to serious vulnerability. No vampire should put anything above the preservation of their existence, so the mere thought of letting my emotions run away with me is frightening. Sometimes I worry that I value my attachments too much and when I do, I'm always prone to pull away.

But really, that is for the best.

Ask a Viking vampire what inquiring minds wish to know

Give me the names of people you dislike most and why?

@WereTDawson - The Were befouls my bathroom, makes my club smell awful every time he's around, and steals my humans. If I hadn't invested in his motorcycle shop thing, I'd have killed him already.

Bill Compton - Boring, mediocre waste of space. I may be a vampire, but every time I'm around him or his name is mentioned to me, I have to resist the urge to yawn.

@AlcideJHerveaux - Another smelly Were with a penchant for talking back to those who are superior to him.

@AshleyDanielss - Depends on the day as to whether I dislike her or manage to tolerate her, but she has betrayed me more times than anyone should be able to get away with.

Ask a Viking vampire what inquiring minds wish to know

Give me the names of people you love most and why?

This is quite a list, but I do not love. I don't believe vampires are capable of such a human emotion. I can offer a list of those I care for and why, however.

@BiancaNorthman - Bianca has been through more with me than any other could ever claim. She knows me nearly as well as I know myself. She means more to me than anyone and though I think a vampire's own self preservation is the most important thing in the world, I would give my eternity to spare hers if it was ever necessary.

@pamiravenscroft - Though Pam can drive me completely insane, she is my child, she is my blood, and I trust her with my unlife. She tries not to fail me and puts great effort into pleasing me. I would do most anything to help and protect her.

@VampNiklas and @TaliaPerrault - Niklas is my oldest surviving child, he is more like a son to me than any of the other vampires I have made over the course of time. Talia, who was turned only a year after Niklas, has always been like a daughter to me. Though it is hardly how one is supposed to feel for the vampires they make, they have always been such a thing to me.

@NolanFerrior - My newborn (who isn't actually my newborn any longer...) has been an ideal vampire who actually makes me very proud. He has an inordinate amount of loyalty to me and I have the same loyalty to him as well.

@LaylaDarshan - Layla is my human, I trust her, she's been there for me through unimaginable things. Most humans want to be taken care of by the undead, but Layla desires to take care of me and trusts me with her life unconditionally. It is a rare thing and something I value more than words can say.

@BarmaidSookie
- I do not know why I care about the telepath. I find her frustrating and, more often than not, infuriating, but I know she trusts me, even if she insists to the contrary often.

@AbiStewart - I value Abigale a great deal. She's one of few humans who nearly unconditionally trusts the undead and treats vampires better than perhaps we deserve to be treated in general. I shared a great deal with her, I even find I miss her at times, so I cannot deny that I care for her.

@FunSizeLT - I don't think a day goes by that I am not thankful for and proud of Lacey. She treats vampires better than most I know, she sacrifices for them, cares for them, and even has been known to love them. She shares with them, but doesn't do so expecting things in return. She stands on her own, is fiercely loyal, and nearly always unafraid. I look forward to her being my child, if only because I know she will make me proud.

Ask a Viking vampire what inquiring minds wish to know

Tuesday, March 23, 2010

Tell me about something you really regret?

Recently or going back through all my years?

Recently seems the easiest. I regret listening to @AbiStewart and doing whatever it took to save @AshleyDanielss after one of the more vicious microwave explosions. Though I don't think I wanted to, I think I always resented Abigale for having led me to forge that bond.

Ask a Viking vampire what inquiring minds wish to know

Hi Eric! I hope you're having a good night. I have a real question, i swear. What are some business ventures you wish you'd gotten involved with or wish you were involved in? I know you have a lot of ventures/holdings.

I am not having a good night, Abigale, but thank you for wishing it better than it is.

Your question is not an easy one. Usually when there is something I wish to invest in, I do so. Little holds me back if I believe something is worth my money and my interest (though I'd NEVER invest in a casino in Bon Temps, even though I believe casinos to be sound investments).

I think I would have invested more in technology. While I loathe it and while it can take a while to truly catch on, advancements have proven to be a sound investment that I often don't jump at, simply because the concepts are difficult for me to envision or understand (especially when they're advancements for humans solely... appliances, etc.). There were opportunities that came my way that I thought would be certain failures simply because it seemed outlandish or unnecessary to me. If I could go back, I would change that.

I also think I would invest in more projects of passion when they came my way. When someone is truly passionate about their vision, the effort they put into it always trumps the average startup.

Ask a Viking vampire what inquiring minds wish to know

What did he do to deserve the punch tonight?

I gave him three minutes to quit his pouting and to surface out in the main club. He failed to arrive in that amount of time, so I punched him.

Considering he could have had sex three and a half times in that amount of time, he really has no excuse.

Ask a Viking vampire what inquiring minds wish to know

please don't tell Bill. I don't have it in me for anymore lectures. Will you tell on him to those bad people?-shivers remembering snippets of when she was turned- PLEASE don't say anything, to anyone. I promise I'll be good.

I am sure @VampireMagister would not be pleased to hear Compton is completely disregarding his responsibilities as your Maker in order to do... whatever it is Bill spends all his time doing when he should be keeping track of his newborn.

Begged words such as "please" mean nothing to me and promises mean even less. I will do what I must in order to ensure what belongs to me is not jeopardized by a sub par Maker and his uncontrollable progeny.

Ask a Viking vampire what inquiring minds wish to know

U could go to Australia 4 a holiday.Cause u know how u want a Llama,well where I lived in Australia there's Alpaca farms which are in the llama family.U could buy an Alpaca and call it Craig.Just thinking.

I don't even have to vacation to get my hands on a llama or an Alpaca. There's an Alpaca farm in Minden, Louisiana, the same town @AppiusOcella lives in.

Ask a Viking vampire what inquiring minds wish to know

Oh Eric, you'll be the death of me.

Many have said that. Many have been accurate.

Ask a Viking vampire what inquiring minds wish to know

Monday, March 22, 2010

I Need a Vacation

The jobs of a Sheriff are never done. This past week has been a lethal combination of both busy and frustrating and to say that I am pleased it is now behind me could really be quite the understatement.

Golfing with @RomanLucious and @DraculaYTM was probably the highlight of my week (despite losing, which I will never acknowledge aloud), if only because it was the only night I was truly able to unwind. Bending that obnoxious gold putter of Andre's over the Deputy's head only really sweetened the event. The good is hardly what I need to get out right now, however. The frustrating matters are far more pressing in my mind.

@MadeJessica has been a nearly constant presence at Fangtasia and that has been the source of more than a few problems as of late. To say that I am annoyed that the newborn spends so much time on her own is putting things far more mildly than they deserve. @BeelCompton may not have been a Maker before, but all vampires know the responsibilities of one and when it comes to Jessica, he is failing. Of course, this really comes as no surprise to me. Compton is a fuck up who always seems to have his own (very boring) agenda, but that doesn't excuse completely disregarding his child. The girl is ignorant, uninformed, and entirely incapable of even the most rudimentary elements of being one of the undead. This week alone she has drained or nearly drained half a dozen humans. She has no control whatsoever, is incapable of glamoring, has no idea how to clean up her messes, and is constantly attempting to backtalk her elders. It leaves me perpetually torn between contemplating ending her and pitying her for the halfassed Maker she didn't desire nor ask for. I have to nearly constantly remind myself that not only is she new to this existence, the girl is a child by even mere human standards. Her immaturity and confusion is actually justified. The only thing that isn't is her Maker's seldom presence in her existence.

Her mistakes are costly. Early in the week, @TB_Sookie and Jessica made their way to Fangtasia to inform me there was a human in the hospital in Monroe covered in savage fang wounds that the media had gotten wind of. It was, of course, Jessica's doing. If an organization such as the Fellowship of the Sun heard about such a human, he would have become the poster child for their ridiculous propaganda. I do not know if it is commonly believed that vampires can clean such messes with ease or not, but it couldn't be further from the truth. Breaking into hospitals, stealing records, making certain security footage is obtained and erased, disposing of bodies... the amount of fangpower I've had to devote to cleaning up after Bill's child is ridiculous, but can I really fault her? At the end of the night, I cannot. She simply does not know any better and no one is teaching her otherwise. Teaching her is no simple feat either, however. When Roman and I attempted to instruct her in the proper way to glamor one of the living, our words fell on ears that couldn't bring themselves to pay attention. I keep reminding myself she has to learn and that it will take time, but these are things Bill should have started on long ago already.

The problems were only further compressed last night at @VampHadley and @Aidan_Berwick's reception following their elopement held at @Fangtasia_Queen's eststate in New Orleans. I'm not entirely sure how Jessica managed to get to New Orleans on her own, but she did, and while there, and while there, she managed to find a human she fully intended on draining. Thankfully, Sookie caught a fleeting glimpse into the intended victim's head and we were able to interfere before she had the chance to drain someone at the Queen's compound, but I found myself in near disbelief. The wrath she could incur for such blatant error is unthinkable and that didn't seem to register wither her whatsoever. Can I blame her? Can I fault her? When I look into her eyes I can tell she truly doesn't know. It baffles me. I forbade her from feeding on a human for the rest of the night and left her under the supervision of a demon who works in the Queen's service. Still, color me annoyed. These are not my responsibilities, despite being her Sheriff. These are Bill's and he should have been taking care of them long ago.

I shouldn't have been remotely surprised when I received a text message from the demon telling me Jessica was at Fangtasia. I should have known she would be more trouble than @NolanFerrior could handle on his first night in charge of the club, but unlike Compton, I have trained my newborn well and the faith and trust I have in him has been earned. It isn't simply so I can have a night to myself. I wasn't terribly surprised when shortly following I began receiving messages from @AbiStewart informing me there was trouble at the club. The trouble had spread outside my club, however. When I made the run to Fangtasia, I came across three fresh corpses in an alley not far from the entrance to my door, all showing clear signs of having been drained by a vampire. I knew immediately who was responsible and simply couldn't believe it. Does it even register with her the damage this behavior could cause? Sookie was attacked by the Fellowship on Sunday, taken within an inch of her life simply for being involved with the undead. Three corpses right outside my door says we are no better than the Fellowship says.

This behavior is jeopardizing my business, the soul income for my Area. It puts me and a position I have spent a thousand years earning in danger, it puts the vampires within Fangtasia and even those outside it at great risk from radical retaliation, it sends police and other law enforcement into my business... the list goes on and on. Mistakes I can tolerate, especially when the vampires responsible clean up after themselves, but leaving a trail of dead bodies almost directly upon my doorstep is inexcusable. Nothing seems to sink in. Warning after warning has been ignored. I am her Sheriff (though I wonder if she even knows what that means), not her babysitter. She attacked Nolan, threatened Abigale, and put my business in danger all after nearly making a mess of Area Five by leaving a corpse at the Queen's. It is time to make her understand the ramifications of her actions. With little reservation, I informed her I would see to it that Bill was not only informed of her recent actions, but punished for them. It is his duty to see to her training and to monitor her behavior. Her very existence was meant to be an obligation to Compton. There are many who would be infuriated to know their orders are being skirted and I can hardly fault them.

I realize the mere threat of reporting these things will no doubt incur me wrath from Sookie, but it is for Jessica's own good. I will possibly give the newborn one more chance to actually listen, but I am beginning to believe she truly is incapable of such a thing. Three dead outside of Fangtasia is risking more than I am willing to endanger.

Fucking newborns.

Pimpin' Ain't Easy, Yo

This weekend, @FunSizeLT found a project for the pair of us... and that's finding a "good" man for @werekai. We've already eliminated the Amish (despite their abilities to build a mean barn) and monks, so it's only a matter of time before we find the ideal candidate.

In the meantime, Kai made us this so we fit the part.


My Pimps @SheriffNorthman @FunSizeLT by werekai


And Lacey made me this to reflect my new title.


@sheriffnorthman KPP by lighttight

Being a pimp may not be easy, but damn, is it stylish.

Not really.I only go Were once a month. I did find it curse but now I don't.My sense of smell and hearing is stronger. My strength is stronger as well.Sometimes u have 2 look at stuff as an advantage and not a curse.I still have fangs and drink blood.

I would not think of not belonging among vampires nor werewolves as any kind of advantage, even if senses are heightened. Even creatures of solitude require some kind of interaction to maintain sanity, but to each their own.

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YOU DON'T LOVE SOOKIE? HOW COULD YOU NOT LOVE SOOKIE? YOU HAVE TO LOVE HER TO WANT TO HAVE SEX WITH HER DUHHHH! She's so not gonna go for you know ericc

-arches brow-

I do not know in what world you live in that wanting to fuck someone equates loving them, but you are clearly misinformed and living in a dream. Sex and love have little to do with one another in my opinion, and I am relatively certain most would agree with me on the matter.

If such a thing would prevent Sookie or anyone else I desire for that matter from having sex with me, so be it, because in my own experience, vampires are not capable of love, and others are not capable of truly loving us.

Ask a Viking vampire what inquiring minds wish to know

In that case, what is your maker like?

Already well over 1000 when he found and turned me, @AppiusOcella was possibly the greatest Maker I could have hoped for... had I known vampires existed, that is. In his life, he had been a member of the Roman Legion and he made me to be strong, confident, aggressive, and to protect my existence. He did not allow for me to step out of line, nor did he ever accept my mistakes. He is tough, almost to a fault, but that has helped him preserve his existence all these many years. He demanded my respect then and he demands my respect still today, but without question, he has it. I owe all I am and all I will ever be to Appius.

Ask a Viking vampire what inquiring minds wish to know

how do you treat your human pets?

As they deserve to be treated. I take better care of my humans- both the humans I am bonded to in blood and my pets- than many vampires are known to. A thousand years on this planet has taught me to respect life and I do so. I only kill those who deserve such a fate and do not harm those who are actually kind to my race. I do not know if that qualifies as treating them well or not, but it is my approach all the same.

Ask a Viking vampire what inquiring minds wish to know

Besides golf what other sports are you good at?

I have yet to find a sport I am inferior at. It's board games are the bane of my existence. Yahtzee more specifically.

Ask a Viking vampire what inquiring minds wish to know

Friday, March 19, 2010

That Weekly Chore That Never Gets Easier

Follow Friday



To make this easier on me, I've decided to do a post once here with all my #FF's. I'll update it as often as I update my Twitter List, but here you'll find the always important why you should follow them. Each one of these people are worth watching, so appease the Sheriff and do so.

In addition, to make things even easier on you, some users have an aesterik beside their name. If you follow my stories and plots, you really should follow those users, or you'll never get the full story. Trust me when I say you'll want it.


@YieldtoMe - The very reason I'm on Twitter at all. The RP'ers who have been brought together by YTM are literate, creative, talented, friendly, and possibly the most important thing, original. No storylines go stale, and you can catch up on all their gossip here.

*@SheriffNorthman and my jail account @SheriffN2. If you're not already, there's seriously something wrong with you. Don't make me have to drain you.

*@LaylaDarshan - My daytime person, my seer, and my twice-bonded human, Layla has been the reason I've gotten out of more than a few tough situations. She's blunt, beautiful, and struts like no one else.

*@RomanLucious - My Deputy, my partner-in-crime, my brother in blood, THE Romanfail, and the victim of many 50 second jokes well deserved, undead life would be nearly boring without him around for me to punch/kick/bludgeon on a very regular basis.

*@SookieYTM - The frustrating yet intriguing telepathic waitress in my unlife. Loyal to a fault but twice bonded to me, half the fun is in the chase.

*@LaceyStripped - My favorite human who isn't my own, she calls me kinkypire and I am proud to call her my future child. She's honest to a fault, not afraid of speaking her mind, loves sex, and isn't afraid of getting her hands dirty... and that's while she's still human. Add her backup as well at @FunSizeLT2.

*@pamiravenscroft - My opionated, troublemaking child. She never hesitates to offer an unasked for, sarcastic view of any situation and constantly refuses to learn her lesson. To say she keeps me on my toes would be quite the understatement.

*@Fangtasia_Queen - The Yahtzee-addicted Queen of the Kingdom of Louisiana, I'm loyal to her through and through and will remain so.

The Crane triplets, @ClaudiaCrane, @ClaudeCrane, and @claudine_fairy. Though I may be constantly fighting the urge to drain them, they're really nice to look at. Minus Claude. That fruity fairy just frightens me.

*@BiancaNorthman - My child, my sometimes lover, and possibly my best friend if I have such a thing, Bianca is a combination of beauty, elegance, sarcasm, and bitchiness, and she'll make no apologies whatsoever for it. And, if that isn't reason enough, I know what is. Her booty bounce is legendary.

@QueenBlackwood - The elegant and mysterious Queen of the Kingdoms of California and Nevada. Gabrielle has been a vampire since Rome burned, and our history is extensive. As a matter of fact, she fucked me when I was still a human.

@TeacherHalleigh - This human actually makes me wish at times I was a second grade student if only so I could eyefuck her all day long under the guise of learning. She's addicted to her mutt it seems, but her neck is just begging for me to bite it. I'd gladly take a detention with her for doing so...

*@NolanFerrior - My speedy, pipe-hanging newborn, Nolan traded turning furry every full moon in for a set of fangs and damn, does he put them to good use. He's impossible for me to keep track of, but I sure as hell try. Next time I have him in my clutches, I swear I'm getting that cowbell on his neck.

*@JessicaYTM - The newborn vampire of Bon Temps cursed to an eternity of having Bill Compton as her Maker. Who on earth wouldn't pity her for that?

@GrabbitKwik - The man, the myth, the legend, the Lieutenant. Dave used to be a boring pushover who's only walking on the wild side involved stealing my midget and sewing machine. Ever since he got infused with a demon though, Dave's been badass enough that I actually like him, and also applaud his desire to punch the Deputy. @EZ_Mart doesn't stand a fucking chance.

@AlyxConway - Dave's smoking hot wife, the Bon Temps baker, Alyx. She's got a crush on me and despite liking the Lieutenant, damn do I want to tap that. The basket she weaved under water before gifting it to me is the centerpiece of my coffee table and every time I see it, I have the urge to knit dirty berets.

*@BillComptonYTM - The Civil War relic, the wet blanket, and Sookie's "boyfriend," the only reason I think I tolerate (and tolerate might even be a bit extreme for how I feel about him) Compton is because it's fun to remind him he's ultimately my lackee to push around.

@SueMBillington - An extraordinary woman I am proud to call my friend, Sue is compassionate to all, even those who don't deserve it, generous, understanding, and accepting. She embraces everyone equally and always tries to see the good in people, even those who don't deserve it. To put it simply, she's exceptional.

*@DraculaYTM - It's freaking Dracula. Anyone who knows anything about me knows I have always been fascinated and dedicated to the vampire all undead revere as the Dark Prince and when he came to Louisiana, I could barely contain my excitement. Sure, he's come close to killing me half a dozen times and sure, he seems to really want to end the Deputy, but who the hell doesn't? He's diabolical, cruel, evil, dark, unfeeling, and a bastard. To put it simply, he's my idol.

The Weres and Shifters who plague my immortal existence way more often than every full moon, the original mutt, @AlcideJHerveaux, the bathroom befouler, @WereTDawson, JoAnna's pup, @were_lucian, Pam's bonded @WereKenzie, the original mutt's daddy, @WereHerveaux, and last and certainly least, the Wereass, @TomColt. Someone needs to get me a dozen silver bullets and a ton of Febreze.

@winnieYTM - One of the hot, bitch clerks from the @GrabbitKwik, Winnie may spend the full moons furry ever since she was on the receiving end of Mckenzie's bite, but no matter what, she's got the hottest ass in Area Five. Fact.

@NiftyJenny - Yet another one of the hot clerks the Lieutenant wisely surrounds himself with, Jenny wields one mean broom. I know, I've been on the receiving end of it's wrath. Still, she's got a #TwitterCrush on me and never hesitates to flash me just how I like.

While I'm covering those from the @GrabbitKwik, everyone should follow the other hot clerks, @JadeCalista and the obnoxious, annoying, but nice to look at @RoxySocks. Then there's @Crazy_JonBT, who I'm pretty sure lives there (and by there, I mean in a cardboard box out back), along with @EvilRaccoons, who have managed the impossible, and actually screwed my nose.

*@AbiStewart - This frequently blushing telekinetic has frustrated me in a way few humans could ever succeed in, but we are eternally bonded and she will always mean a great deal to me, even if she has godawful taste in men. I suppose someone has to find fat and lazy attractive... I wonder how Sven and Matilda are doing...

*@AppiusOcella - A member of the Roman Legion in life, my Maker is over 2000 years old and the very reason I am as I am today. His presence in Louisiana after many years apart is still somewhat surprising, not to mention a little unnerving. Appius nearly always has something he wishes to remind me of or some lesson to teach. The cost of such a learning experience can be nothing short of extreme.

*@VaughnBrennan - He called me "dude" one too many times and I killed him for it. My youngest child as of present, Vaughn is incredibly new to this existence, but is presently under the wing of my Maker. Each night I wonder if Appius will cause Vaughn's second death before I have a chance to figure out how I will get him returned to me.

The final word in punishment for the transgressions of the undead, @VampireMagister spends his nights teaching fucktards what happens when he's crossed... and it's not pretty. What is undeniably pretty, however, is his newborn, his companion, and his proof that even the oldest and most vicious of us can find love, @KaydenBellerose. They're a kinky team who knows no bounds, though I really doubt they're afraid of binding one another now and then.

*@sadiecartwright - A human with more than a few powerful (and somewhat threatening) gifts, "Salsa" is both vulnerable and a powerhouse. She's @DraculaYTM's reluctant human, bonded a few times over to the Deputy, a trouble magnet, and demon bait. Sometimes I'm surprised she manages to make it through the night, but I'm always glad she does.

There's nothing quite like a feisty, cake-making granny, and that's just what @MeeMawBellefleu is... when she's not sampling one of the mystery treats that come from @VampireStan, which undeniably make her quite the GILF. She's a Southern belle who wields a mean cane and he's got a bad case of "bed bugs," but they're a romance that defies time and age.

@cajunqueenlafa - He may be an enterprising fry cook at Merlotte's, but this bitch has had my blood and damn, does he let that show. With more attitude and narcotics than any human should be allowed, Lafayette eyefucks me even more than the fangbangers that flock to Fangtasia do... and that's really quite the accomplishment.

*@VampyJo - This newborn has attitude, arrogance, and a human-sized puppy to train, not to mention a tattoo of the Deputy's name across her ass for some bizarre reason I don't think I'll ever understand. With her Maker having recently met his end, she's presently under the Deputy's instruction and that has disaster written all over it, but boy, will it be fun to watch happen.

@LucAnthonyYTM - He works for humans, but at his core, I'm certain his loyalty is to me and the other vampires of Area Five. Okay, maybe all other vampires of Area Five except for the Deputy. This cop accepts trunk travel as something normal and even, for the most part, understands canoe travel. He's also arrested Roman twice, and that just makes me laugh aloud.

@_OliviaK - Olivia may not be my newborn's human any longer, but that doesn't make her any less significant to me. She's headstrong and stubborn and trying to pave her own way in this world after growing up in the lap of luxury. Majority owner of @KensingtonBB, she's got a lot on her plate, but that doesn't stop her from having more fun than most humans could ever imagine.

@VampNiklas & @TaliaPerrault - Niklas is one of the first vampire I made and despite being dead for over seven centuries, he has more life than many could ever fathom. His child and companion, Talia, has been with him for nearly his entire existence, making their love something exceptional to anyone and everyone who knows them.

@DakotaARyan - This young vampire has done a lot of growing up lately. Initially a selfish and often foolish servant of the Dark Prince, Dakota's been focused on surviving and maturing to simply make the Prince proud of her, something every vampire can understand. Her along with her best friend, @Misha_Stauffen, are just trying to find their place in this world... much to the dismay of @DraculaYTM.

@AvengingAngel1 - My favorite peeper, I hope she never grows tired of watching me shower. A fallen angel, stuck in this world until she makes a decision none could comprehend, Angel is a combination of beauty, wit, aggression, and torment. While you're at it, follow her best friend, @6Sixx6, Sixx's husband, @BobbyBurnham, and their zombie twins, @SixxsCrue as they help Angel find peace and understanding.

@Sookeh and @EmoEricNorthman - She's the evil one, and possibly my daughter and he watches chick flicks without regret while crying blood tears. They're perpetually on a rollercoaster, but it's really never a dull moment.

@AshleyDanielss - My former pet, she was always more trouble than she was a blessing, but for some reason, I am compassionate for this creature. Young and alone in the world, it's really only a matter of time before she winds up dead, but it's almost amusing watching so many humans actually wish an end upon her.

@LiamDelancy - I don't care much for witches, I never really have, but this witch makes Bianca happy, and for that, I will accept his frequent presence in my undead existence. He's probably the most ideal pet to a vampire that I know, which is somewhat surprising, but Bianca has really trained this one well.

@Elfie33 and @TheCelly - She's my favorite pixie and he's a Cajun who can keep up with her somehow, which can really be no easy feat. They're great together and bring a smile to my pale face.

Some of my favorite couples, @Blorio & @FaerieBik, @Ammerie_Vail & @James_Vail, @Brandon_Vegas & @Jax_Morrow, @CalienteChloe & @EricsButt, and @Were_Quinn & @WereBaylee.

@Lady_Cris - She finds the Lieutenant and I infinitely amusing and laughs until she cries over Dave's misadventures with my midget. She may fall when pole dancing at Fangtasia, but she's one of my favorite breathers who never fails to flatter me just as much as I deserve to be.

@werekai - She's my #WILF and the eye candy ninja. She may not be in need of a pimp anymore, but that's not going to stop me from tag team nomming her once I've turned Lacey (I call the femoral!).


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Humans
@SteveNewlinJr @BeauGibson_BT @AvaHallFotS @TuffTara @Froggy_Suggs @SilentBobGK @ArleneFowler @SissAsh @CarverSanderson @Zoey_Dancer @branflakez @Tara_ThorntonBT @KristenFerrior_ @TBJerrySpringer @PeterDawes

Vampires