My Bonds: Petulant Pam

@PamiRavenscroft

London was no good for me.

It was my first trip to the island nation since Bianca had left me- since I had forced Bianca to leave me- and I went to it seeking some kind of solace. I knew at once it had been a foolish thing for me to do. In the centuries it had been since I had prowled the streets nightly for my dinner and entertainment, the city had changed a great deal. A world that had been familiar to me had evolved. Even the house I had resided quietly in had been demolished and built over. I sought comfort, but only found myself reminded everything was different now.

Everything, that is, except me.

I don’t know that that is something a vampire ever comes to accept. In moments of quiet, it is so easy for one to think back and remember what we have done and where we have come from. Those memories are all that remain, however. The people die, the landscape changes, the world evolves, history moves on, yet we linger.

To say that it’s depressing could be quite the understatement.

I had been fortunate for the few centuries before then to spend little time in the confines of my tortured mind. Existence with Bianca had kept me busy and entertained. As she experienced the world as a young vampire, I felt it all through her eyes. I reserved very little time to dwell on my past and only let myself look forward to a future that would never end.

Until the end. The despair I had felt when reminding myself that my child would come to leave me was encompassing. I had forced her away with my self-induced misery, but it was necessary and right. Unfortunately, it left me with a mind clouded by and consumed with gloom. I had always been independent, but now I felt more alone than ever. Women were more than willing to forego their chastity for a night with me, but none of them were special, least of all to me, and when I sent them on their ways, I always felt more alone than I had even before their arrival.

I wanted to leave London. I wanted to leave and to never return to the damned city with its memories I no longer wanted. It panged me to be there.

Yet, for the death of me, I couldn’t bring myself to depart.

I couldn’t figure out why I stayed. It was as if I was determined to punish myself, a masochistic nature developing because I wanted or needed to be miserable. I was well aware of what I was doing, and I hated it. I felt as if I was not much more than a shadow of the vampire I once was. It was inexcusable. It had to change. I wanted nothing more than to change it.

But I just couldn’t leave London.

Looking back, I wonder if it was the fates that kept me there, because truly, I was rewarded for my suffering. I can recall the night in question with complete clarity now, over a century later, as if it was only last night.

Hunting had grown easier in the time I had been away. London was more populous than ever and there was no shortage of humans to be found after darkness fell. While the other vampires I crossed paths with in London had been happy to feast upon and end the limitless vagrants, whores, and street urchins who were so easy to find in the darkened alleys of the city, I had a taste for finer things.

Parks had become my chosen haunts. Once night fell, the severely understaffed London law enforcement had their hands full with the human creatures of the underworld to properly keep an eye on such “safe” locations. Of course, I had to avoid killing my prey to keep things that way, and with my mood at the time, it was difficult, but the rewards of keeping my resolve always paid off. The humans I could find strolling the well groomed lawns were always cleaner and more appealing than other available options. I could manage restraining myself for that luxury.

The sun had been set for a relatively short time when I headed out to find my dinner for the night. My meal was unremarkable and dull. Dessert was something else entirely.

I had been on my way back to the place I spent my daytime hours when I happened upon a curious sight. A young woman, dressed in her finest, was attempting to crawl down the side of a stately home from an open window… poorly. She was uncoordinated and overall a foolish sight, but the girl was oblivious to her own ridiculousness. She perpetually wore a devilish smile as she descended her home, a light trickle of nearly silent laughter leaving her rosy lips at regular intervals. She was being rebellious and doing something she ought not have, that much was clear.

I couldn’t help but be curious.

And so, I chose to follow her.

Once she reached the ground beneath her, she took off in what must have been a run for her, heading to destinations unknown. I followed her easily, keeping a safe distance behind her and in the shadows at all times. She ran only a short time before I saw what she was headed for.

A young man, only a few years her senior, stood alone beneath a tree, his eyes searching the darkness for the signs of someone. I saw him long before the woman did, but I knew the moment her poor, human eyes fell on him. The sharp, exhilarated intake of breath she took was not missed by my ancient ears.

When she reached him, they embraced. She clung to him and he held her close. They exchanged quick, boring kisses while I studied the pair unblinkingly. Their whispered words were heard clearly by my ears. They were young, they were in love, but it was not to be.

The woman- her name was Pamela- did more talking than the male. It was through her words I learned the basic nature of their situation. Her parents didn’t deem the man acceptable for her, but she wanted no other. She loved him, she was so certain of it. She would give up anything for him. He was worth sneaking out of her family home to meet since they were able to see one another so seldom. He would be leaving the home he was staying at soon, and she feared they would not see one another again.

This human woman intrigued me. She was young and beautiful. In the moonlight, her blonde hair shined and her face was flush with excitement and intensity. Her eyes glistened with unshed tears as she spoke of their inevitable departure. She was so vulnerable and fragile and so passionately in love.

I couldn’t truly tell if the man returned her affections as deeply. I had spent centuries studying human behavior, reading the smallest of gestures and hearing the unspoken words to keep myself safe and knowing more than my prey could ever dream. The woman’s love for this man was obvious, but he was restrained, almost distant. I doubt she noticed, too blinded by her own emotions, but I did.

What a stupid human. Any man would be fortunate to have a woman so loyal and so willing to love him completely.

And as soon as the thought entered my head, I thought of myself and the child who had just left me. Had I been foolish in pushing her away? No, I couldn’t think like that. She hadn’t loved me and I am not capable of love. Bianca was so like me in every way, I found it impossible to believe she was anymore capable of such affection than I was.

But this creature in front of me could love, and did.

The voyeur in me was disappointed when the pair parted ways after only a dozen kisses and embraces, but my disappointment was short-lived. The woman began her trail back to the dwelling she had left, the man going in the opposite direction to a home up the road, not even bothering to escort his “love” to make sure she made it home safely.

And she wouldn’t make it home safely. I’d be seeing to that personally.

She was heading towards me languidly, not running home in the way she had left it and instead strolling along blissfully unaware of the monster who lurked nearby. It allowed me time to think and consider what I would do.

Already I had fed for the night. Spoiling this woman’s porcelain skin for nothing more than a taste would be such a waste. I wanted to fuck her, to see if she would look at me the way she had looked at her suitor, but her home was simply too close. If it was noticed she was missing, she would be searched for. I couldn’t risk being discovered screwing her amid her home’s garden flowers.

I was running out of options, and more than that, I was running out of time with every lazy step she took back towards her house.

I hadn’t thought about making another vampire again, really. Bianca and I hadn’t been parted for nearly as long as it felt we had to me. I had no real desire to go through the ordeal of training and preparing another child for an eternal existence.

But I weighed my options all the same.

A distraction would be good. Newborns were such a handful, I would have little time to let my mind wander to the darker places they had been frequenting so often. I was lonely. I hated admitting such a thing to myself, but I was. Having someone who needed me in order to survive would be invaluable. I would have someone to talk to, someone to talk to me, someone to hunt with, someone to teach. Companionship at such a time was more than a little appealing.

And what did she have to lose? She didn’t enjoy life with her family, that much was obvious. If she truly did, she wouldn’t have disobeyed them nor snuck away from them of her own freewill. The man she loved would be leaving. She would be doomed to an unhappy future, one that would involve marrying a suitor she didn’t care for, and having a life wished upon her instead of one she chose. I wouldn’t let her choose whether or not to die, but I would give her freedom in time to do whatever she pleased. I am not an overbearing Maker. She would choose her fate.

And so I stepped in front of her, blocking the path she took.

She froze mid-step, her eyes slowly lifting to meet my own with only the moonlight for her to see them in. She was stunned, almost amusedly so, even before I glamored her easily into an agreeable and necessary silence. The only time she spoke was when I told her to invite me into her home that stood so nearby, and then they were whispered words spoken as if from a distance. My arms wrapped around her warm frame, supporting her as her neck lolled to the side on my whispered command.

With no further hesitation or thought, my fangs pierced her tender flesh, and I drank.

Only the racing of her heartbeat gave away her fear as I fed. She remained silent and obedient… and it was probably the last time Pam was ever silent and obedient. Looking back, I probably should have enjoyed it more for those few, very brief moments it lasted.

I fed quickly. I didn’t take the time to enjoy the warm elixir that was her blood as it ran down my throat. I didn’t want to prolong any suffering as she met her human end. The strength of her heartbeat weakened as her body was drained of its essence, and when I could tell it would give out at any moment, I lifted her, flying up to the window I had witnessed her crawl through earlier in the night.

I laid her spent body in the bed I found there. Her eyes were closed, but I could hear the weak resolve of her heart as it attempted to carry on despite my assault. I knelt by her bed before my fangs sank into my wrist, and easily, I fed it to her mouth. She swallowed weakly, choking on the foreign substance being forced upon her, but as I felt my blood begin to work it’s way through her system, I knew it had done it’s job.

The wound my fangs had created upon her neck sealed over and I listened in the stillness of the room for her heartbeat to fade entirely. It was only a minute before her body was limp and lifeless on the bed. I hastily cleaned the blood from her mouth and neck, erasing the evidence of our exchange and found myself relieved I hadn’t made a mess of her clothes when feeding. She looked pristine despite being dead. That was perfect.

As quickly as I had entered it, I left through the window, leaving it as open as she had. I knew little of human medicine, nor diseases they suffered from, but could recall from my own mortal life that it did not take much for infection to take someone, and quickly at that. I knew she would be discovered by her family shortly after the sun rose and laid to rest quickly.

I was simply left to wait.

I spent the three nights of her limbo preparing. I kept an eye on the house of her family and was able to find her grave shortly after it was dug. I gathered and packed my belongings, preparing to leave when my newborn rose. I would be leaving London now. There would be no way around it.

And I was relieved.

On the third night, I didn’t bother feeding when the sun slipped below the horizon and instead headed to the fresh plot I knew she was resting in. I dug into the recently churned earth swiftly, making short work of what had no doubt taken humans hours to accomplish. By the time I reached the box she was kept in, I knew she hadn’t risen yet, but it was only a moment more before her eyes opened and looked at me, her confusion and shock obvious and appropriate.

I held her. I had held her only briefly the night I took her, but it was different now. Her body was colder, her movements more quiet. She never fought my grasp of her and she listened to my explanation without interruption. We couldn’t linger though, and quickly, I replaced the earth in her now empty grave as she adjusted to the world through unclouded eyes.

The quiet, curious, reserved child somehow vanished by the time I was through filling the earth once more.

Pam was nearly unbridled. I had been a Maker only a few times before, but never had I created such a feral thing. She took to hunting immediately, making a mess of herself, the humans she quickly ended, and often of me as well. She always mourned her clothes once they were too stained in blood to save, but refused to cease playing with her food in order to spare them.

I introduced Pam to sex. It hadn’t been my intention on engaging in a sexual relationship with one of my children so soon after such a thing had ended, but it happened all the same. Pam was adventurous and newborns are so free, curious, and spirited, I found myself repeatedly falling into bed with her. Her tastes varied on a nightly basis, and more often than not I was simply left watching in amusement.

We left London, naturally, though we stayed in England for some time. I told myself it was for Pam’s benefit, to keep her in a place that was at least familiar, but perhaps I was unwilling to entirely close the door. For ten years, we wandered through the north before finally returning to the city Pam had resided in and the city that haunted me.

Our time back was brief. The New World was calling to me just as it was so many then. People were making the passage across the Atlantic on a more regular basis and the appeal of land I had never before explored was too tempting to resist. I was finally ready to close all previous chapters and move forward, starting afresh, starting new in a place without memories to burden me of things past. Pam and I found passage on a ship and fed sparingly throughout the journey, and before long, we were in America.

We chose not to stay together, however. It wasn’t that I believed Pam was eager to leave me, nor that I thought she wouldn’t have stayed with me if I asked it of her. We got along brilliantly, despite the fact that I was, in her words, bossy, and she was, in my words, a spoiled and lazy pain in the ass. Still, she was nothing if not loyal, and I trusted her as I’ve trusted few in my long existence.

The New World and it’s mysteries was for each of us to experience for ourselves, however. We kept in touch often, crossing the land that laid between us easily, though many humans perished making similar journeys themselves. We functioned with a natural ease.

Our relationship ceased to be one of Maker and child. Despite distance, Pam had become my closest friend. She was crude, sarcastic, annoying, demanding, and judgmental, but I can’t imagine my existence without her. As methods of communication evolved with superior technology, we were capable of keeping in touch more easily, and we spoke often, though we were living vastly different lives.

I had settled into politics with ease and Pam couldn’t comprehend why I had bothered. Though she was determined I could be a King, she had no motivation for such time consuming things herself. She was one of few vampires inhabiting the northern Midwest whereas I preferred staying in the South. When we first began discussing the idea of the Great Revelation, I contacted Pam for her input and thoughts.

So, it was completely natural that once we “left the coffins,” Pam was the first vampire I contacted. The idea to open a nightclub had been one I had mulled over since before we made our announcement to the world at large, when it was finally a possibility, there was no other I could see making the venture with me.

And Pam didn’t have to be asked twice.

I never ordered her back. The idea didn’t even cross my mind. Pam and I simply function too well together to deny. Fangtasia is as much her baby as it is mine. As much as she complains about the work, the humans, the Kingdom of Louisiana, and the attire the club requires of her, I know she wouldn’t choose existing without it anymore.

Pam makes decisions I can’t and don’t always approve of. She errors as much now as she did when she was first made. She complains perpetually. She often acts without ever thinking of a reaction. She is a smart ass.

But I trust her wholly and completely, and I would not have made it through the last century without her.